Bro, What Happened?

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Boy, crazy boys

Such a crazy boy,

crazy boys

So crazy boy, crazy boys

Such a crazy boy

Crazy boys such a crazy boy

Crazy boys, so crazy boys

Crazy boys, such a crazy

Stop and I said,

"stop, leave me alone"

"Cause I ain't got time

to put up with the tone

Too busy dreaming

I'm the best

So sorry, Mr. West,

but my video would have won

If it only did exist

Oh, man.

Where are my clothes?

Boy, crazy boys

Such a crazy boy,

crazy boys

So crazy boy, crazy boys

Such a crazy boy

Why do we need clown pants?

This is about you like

everything nowadays

You took my heart

spread it thin like mayonnaise

A broken record still plays

But all I hear is static

You want to try again

Girl, you're so emphatic

So dramatic

The queen of the erratic,

breaking me down

So systematic I can't take

the pressure

I don't need the pain

It's time to say goodbye

Girl, you so insane

Boy, crazy boys

Such a crazy boy,

crazy boys

So crazy boy, crazy boys

Such a crazy boy

Hey, little dude.

Hi.

I'm MF Bob.

I'd shake your hand,

let's hold the bacon.

Bob?

Yeah, mother f***ing Bob.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, are you off of betting me?

No.

You want some bacon?

Have you seen

a cell phone anywhere?

Phil.

Bro, what happened last night?

Dude, I have no idea, man.

I can't remember... You

have an arrow right here.

Yeah, no sh*t.

I didn't notice.

That looks really bad.

Yeah, dude, I'm not as worried

about that as I am about these.

These were in my ass

last night, dude.

And I'm talking deep.

I mean, upside down

Grand Canyon deep.

Bro, what the f***

are you wearing?

I couldn't find my clothes

anywhere or my phone.

I need that phone.

I got clothes for you, man.

You mean, you don't remember

how the f*** you got that on?

You got to get

that checked out.

You're right.

You know what?

I'm gonna do that

after I talk to my buddy Phil

in another f***ing room.

Yes.

Let's go, man.

But who is Phil?

I made bacon.

You're MF Bob, aren't you?

Yeah, it's me.

Oh, f***, bro.

I had such a great time

last night.

Party of the year,

straight up, man.

And MF Bob, I'm a fat man.

Who am I kidding?

I f***ing love bacon, bro.

Give me that.

Oh, f***.

Wait, man.

What time is it?

I don't know, dude.

It's like f***ing

3 o'clock or something.

Oh, f*** that...

that was open.

3 o'clock, dude,

Beth's gonna be here

any f***ing minute.

F*** Beth right

in her butt, bro.

My virgin ass was

f***ing tampered

with last night, dude,

and I didn't hear the burglar

alarm go off.

I called Jamie and Beef,

they're gonna be

here any minute

and we're gonna find out what the

f*** went down last night, dude.

I already checked all the websites

for party f***ing evidence.

Nothing,

just titties, still cool.

Sh*t.

Dude, I didn't tell you

everything.

Okay, what?

When I woke up this morning...

I was in bed naked with Polly.

Oh, damn!

I told you

this would happen, dude.

I told you.

I know p*ssy.

I don't think

I slept with her, man.

All I remember is I was

sitting in my dorm room

and I just started

on my homework

when I got a incoming call

on my computer for Beth.

Hey, baby.

Hey, babe.

I really, really miss you.

Oh, babe.

You know, these long-distance

dealios just don't usually work out.

Oh.

Oh, come on, Beth.

You are the one who decided

to pack up and leave

and go to college

when you could have

very well just stayed here

and finished out

community college with me.

I know, babe.

But I've told you

I'm committed and... and...

Are you playing with yourself?

No, Beth, no.

Absolutely not.

You promised me

that you wouldn't play

with yourself.

What would Jesus do, Phil?

I mean, honestly

what would he do?

Open the door!

One second.

Dude, open the door.

Hold on.

I have to take a sh*t.

Hold on, okay, princess.

The cafeteria food

is destroying me, dude.

It's Dia de Los

Diarrhea out here.

Cal, go somewhere else, dude.

You know I can only

do in home base.

I don't play away games.

I need to send a package for

the Philippines right away.

Beth, just hold on, all right?

Just... I'll be right back.

Jesus!

Oh! Oh!

I'm sorry about that, babe.

Beth, Beth, listen.

Phil, come on.

There's something that I've been

wanting to ask you.

What?

I was gonna wait until

you came home from break.

Oh, sh*t.

For the warmth of

sweet baby mothers,

will you please close the door?

This one is for you, Beth.

Come on, Phil,

I really need to go.

Beth, Beth, just wait.

Just one second,

okay, all right?

Oh, it burns.

Beth, my sweet babe,

I know it's not much,

but I wanted to show you that I am

committed. Oh, wait one more fart.

Oh, my God, Phil.

Yes, yes, oh, my God!

Sweet baby Jesus, yes!

Really, babe?

Oh.

You know what?

I'm gonna come up, tomorrow.

I think that we should

celebrate together,

you know, the special way.

Okay, I got to go, baby.

Sweet dreams.

Oh, dude, call Guinness

Book and the Roto-Rooter, bro.

Holy crap, I need

a cigarette after that.

Oh, that burns.

And you just interrupted

the best video chat with Beth.

Oh, Beth sucks, bro.

Dude, just layoff, man.

She's my girlfriend.

I just proposed to her.

Oh, Jesus.

Yeah.

Dude, we're going to the

biggest party tonight.

Get Beth out of your mind.

Where? I got us access to

the biggest party of the year.

I'm talking college kids, I'm

talking alumni together for one night.

I'm talking hookers, guns, fire

chops, clowns, MILFs, GILFs.

I'm talking about

a campus legend,

mother f***ing

Bob's party, bro.

No way. Dude, how did you

get us into that?

Because I'm the f***ing, man.

Please, please, please take us

to the party, Jamie, please.

I already told Phil

we're gonna go.

You know they don't

let freshman guys

and we're gonna

look like douches.

Please, Jamie-wan Kenobi,

you're our only hope.

Honestly, Cal, you think

I'm gonna

stroll into this party

with a string bean

and a fat farm animal?

Please, please, please,

please, please...

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Woo-hoo!

Under one condition and you're

not gonna like it. What? What?

You have to bring the bouncer

a gram of coke,

and mother f***ing Bob

an eighth of weed.

I don't know

where to get weed, coke.

You're gonna go here,

bring cash and tell them

ping pong girl sent you.

Whatever you do, don't let him

talk about baseball to you.

Meet in the quad here at 7:00

with the stuff and then

we'll walk over there together.

It's far.

Are you gonna be okay?

Yes.

Woo-hoo, party time!

Thank you, thank you,

thank you, thank you.

Oh, my back.

Oh.

Just for you, hotties.

Oh, my God.

He's gonna die.

Hey, out there it's Friday or,

as I like to call it,

the real hot day.

All right.

Where is the fire, Jewfro?

Pat down.

Jeez man, it's nice

you don't have a girlfriend.

That sucks for you, bro.

What's going on down here? You

want to die by the time you're 30?

Eat your fiber.

Wait.

Where's your wiener?

You're one of them

lesbians, huh?

No wiener.

Turn around.

It just doesn't like you.

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