Bro, What Happened? Page #2

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Hey, watch the mouth.

All right, you look

good back here.

Drop your pants.

What?

Time to search your a**hole.

Oh, I don't think so, dude.

Is he good?

Yeah, he's good.

Follow me.

Sit down, be quiet

and don't speak

until you're spoken to.

What?

Very funny, Tom.

You are so...

Oh, you two may go.

We were so scared.

Thank you so much.

Get the f*** out!

Get the f*** out!

How dare you!

Oh.

I didn't get to hear about

Joseph Smith.

Oh, God.

What's that?

Oh, no, what is that?

You're a cop? I'm not a

cop. I'm not a cop. I'm Cal.

He's Cal, Tom.

His name is Cal.

Cal? I'm Mr. Tom.

Hi. This is my beautiful

wife Cherry Lu Rou

and this is my place.

I bought it,

so she'd stop dancing.

And behind you is monkey boy.

That's monkey boy.

We feed him cocaine

and bananas.

That's his diet, man.

I won him

in a very dangerous game,

Of Huila in Colombia

and he doesn't speak English.

I speak English.

See, look at that...

Ping pong girl sent me here.

Oh, ping pong girl.

We love ping pong girl.

We love ping pong girl.

Hal, are you my friend?

What?

He wants to know

if you're his friend.

Yes, I'm your friend,

Mr. Tom.

Good.

I love friends.

You want a drink?

You want to talk about

baseball?

Let's talk about baseball.

No, I just need

to get, um...

I just need to get

an eighth of coke

and a gram of weed

or an ounce of weed

or an eighth of coke... Whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa.

I don't remember

what I need right now.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You're freaking me out, man.

Are you getting nervous?

Hold on. I'm not nervous.

When you get nervous,

I get nervous and I don't like

to get nervous.

I'm not nervous.

Prove you're not a cop.

I'm not. Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bring, bring, bring,

bring me the mirror.

Ow right here.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Let's do it.

We are going to do cocaine. Yeah.

Put it right here,

put it right here.

I don't think so. I don't think

so, I've never done it before.

Oh, f***, I'm wearing

wearing flip flops.

Whoo!

Whoo!

Oh my God, please no,

please no, please no.

I really shouldn't do this.

I really don't feel

like I should do this.

I don't feel like...

You're gonna like it.

You're gonna do it.

You're gonna love it.

You're gonna love it.

You're gonna love it.

Do it, do it, do it.

I got to leave

right after this.

Oh!

You did it!

Oh, my God, you're my friend.

You're my friend.

My friend!

Bring the bouncer

a gram of coke,

and mother f***ing Bob

an eighth of weed.

Guys, can I just get

my drugs just so I can...

I got to be somewhere.

Get him the drugs.

Get him the drugs.

Where do you have to be?

It's just a college party,

MF Bob's.

Oh! I'm going to MF Bob's house

tonight.

Party, there's a party there.

I'm meeting a client

there tonight.

Well, I want to go

to that party, Tom.

It's crazy.

He's like a...

Oh, drugs, here they are,

my friend.

Here you go.

That's $600, pal.

$600?

600 bucks?

I only have... I don't have

600 bucks. I only...

I didn't know drugs

were expensive.

Come on, give me the money.

I want to go to the party, Tom.

All right, come on.

I only have $100.

Are you kidding me?

He works for me.

He was over here, he make you

drugs and he came back.

I pay him for that.

Sh*t.

I said I want to go

to the party, Tom.

I want to go to the party.

I have an idea.

Give me the $100.

Give me this.

You keep that, all right?

Here, honey, you can have that.

Here's what you're gonna do.

You're gonna sit right there

and you're gonna

take her to the party,

but you're gonna

wait till she gets dressed.

Okay?

You happy?

Yes.

I love you.

Okay, good.

You watch her

and keep your eyes out

for a Mexican name Cheeba.

He's coming

in from Ridge Crest tonight.

I'm gonna meet him there later.

Yeah, sure.

Okay, good.

I'm gonna say something to you

and I want you to listen.

If anyone touches,

if anyone touches her,

I'm going to take clippers

and I am going to cut off

your testicles

and I'll feed them to you.

If she gets a splinter

- anything, you know what I'm gonna do?

I will cut your throat open

and then I'm going to pee

in your eyeballs. And then

I'm going to open your neck,

I am going to take a sh*t

inside your f***ing neck

and I will f*** your neck.

I will sh*t rape

your f***ing neck!

Do you understand that?

Yes, Mr. Tom.

Oh, sorry, God.

It's the cocaine, man.

I'm sorry. I was out

of my mind, that's all.

I meant it,

but it was out of line.

You're my friend.

I love this guy.

I love you, Cal.

You're my friend.

I can't believe

we're f***ing babysitting

a drug dealer's wife.

I mean, haven't you seen, I don't

know, Scarface, Pulp Fiction?

This sh*t always ends badly.

Look at her, man.

Dude, these are movies, bro.

I'm talking about real life.

In real life Mr. Tom

is a f***ing psycho, dude.

He's psychotic.

His name is probably

not Mr. Tom.

It's probably Keyser Soze.

You know, f*** it, we're

going to the party, f*** it.

Yeah, man, okay. As long as we stay

out of trouble and I promised Beth,

I'd stay out of trouble.

Dude, f*** that.

I can't believe you're nuts

are the size of freaking

beach balls of the baby battery

you got backed up in there.

You try saying that again.

I don't know

what that means, man,

but Beth

is my fiance, all right.

We're getting married.

Yeah, you're way too the f***

young to get married, bro.

Like, way too f***ing young.

Yo, what's up, shark stain?

Oh, my God.

Hi!

I've missed you so much.

Cherry, what are

you doing here?

Well, Jew-baka over here

was nice enough

to invite me to the party.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

We're actually just talking

about marriage.

Oh, my God. I think you guys

will make such a cute couple.

Like, I'm voting

yes on gay marriage,

so you faggots can like...

No. This dipshit

is getting engaged.

He hasn't farted

in front of his girlfriend yet.

Dude, what does that have

to do with anything, man?

You haven't farted

in front of your girlfriend.

You can't take

your relationship

to the next level, dude.

Yeah, I mean, like, Tom and I

are so close that only

has he farted in front of me,

like, I've seen him sh*t

down some guy's neck.

We should probably

get going, right?

Yeah, it's like a 20 minute

walk to the party, so...

20 minutes away?

Oh, my God, Cal, you can

sit down and rest on the way.

Come on, dude.

Let's go f*** this pig.

I'm like already tired.

Scribble dibble,

it's Meester live

from mother f***ing Bob's.

We're looking for Jamie.

Oh, hey, Jamie, there she is.

Jamie!

Oh, I'll be right back.

Dude, are we Eskimo brothers?

Yeah, man.

Come on in, bro.

Good to see you.

Yo, lo...

Where the f*** you think

you guys are going?

Yo, we're with Jamie, bro.

Dude, who the f*** is Jamie?

She... she was right here.

Hey, man, you better

check yourself

before you biggety

wreck yourself.

What the f*** did you just say?

Nothing, dude,

I'm just kidding.

Damn straight, man, and I'm gonna

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