Bro, What Happened? Page #3

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have to kick your f***ing ass.

Do you have to?

Yeah, I have to.

Here's the thing.

If you let one fatty

freshman f*** with you

the sh*t's gonna

go on all year.

It's a matter of principle,

man.

Dude, I'm not really fat.

Yeah, and my dick

isn't 2 inches long.

Thanks God.

So you see, dude,

it's out of my hands, bro.

Hey, hey, hey, I didn't know

you were gonna be here.

Yeah, these two limp d*cks

are my friends.

They're cool, right.

Sh*t, fellas, why didn't you

say you're with her?

I told you

we're with Jamie, bro.

Dude, who the f*** is Jamie?

Oh.

You two try not to get

your asses kicked.

Cherry, come with me.

Bye, boys.

But, Cherry, I need

to be watching you.

You got 1000 bucks to make me wait? No.

Then see you inside, suckers.

Yo, you two aren't

going anywhere.

No freshman, boys.

Hey, King Kong cock.

What about that girl?

Dude, the lady show

their titties, man.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hong Kong.

Dude, a clown?

Dude, it's a party.

Who doesn't like clowns?

Dude, the world's

most interesting man, really?

Dude,

that's the school principal.

Dean.

I don't give a sh*t

what his name is.

Whoa, step back.

Get the f*** back.

Dude, you let those guys in?

Dude, that's the

gay mafia, dude.

The gay f***ing mafia.

Oh, you got that stuff?

Oh, damn, oh, dude,

I got something for you.

Yeah?

Te-tee.

Oh, shizites.

Well, I'll tell you

what, you're in,

but your boyfriend

stays outside.

What?

Come on, dude.

Yeah.

Dude, Eskimo brothers.

Oh, dude, you guys

had sex with Jamie?

Yeah, dude, that's makes

us Eskimo brothers.

You know, guys that had sex

with the same girl, dude.

Eskimo brothers are even

tighter than frat bros, man.

You're good.

Oh, Eskimo.

Get in, man, get in.

Oh, oh, oh.

Dude, dude, you didn't tell me

you had sex with Jamie.

Oh, I didn't, bro.

But you just told everyone

that you did.

Yeah, it's called

saving your ass.

Right, but no one's gonna

think that you actually

had sex with Jamie.

Oh, you mean,

people are gonna think

I've had more sex

than I've actually have.

But, dude, now these people

are gonna actually think

that you slept with

her and, you know,

she might find out and feel...

Dude, talk to me

after you've actually finger

banged a girl, right?

We're at the

best party of the year

and I've only got

two things to do.

One, take care of Cherry.

Two, make sure we get laid.

Oh, my God,

I see titties. Later.

Here, let me fill that for you.

What?

Unbelievable.

Um...

It's okay, I don't bite.

Hi, I'm Phil.

Loosen up, Phil.

Sorry.

Oh, God,

you probably think I'm...

A nervous freshman

who probably doesn't know

anybody here.

Yeah, actually.

Let me be the first

to officially welcome you

to the campus party scene.

Well, thank you.

You know, I...

I didn't really think

there'd be anyone

so cool to talk to.

Hey, do either one of you want

to buy a white elephant tusk

for really cheap?

Either one of you,

white elephant tusk.

No, nothing?

White elephant tusk.

Hey, would you maybe,

I don't know,

want to head into the kitchen

and talk for a little bit?

Bro, what are you still

doing here?

It's like boob fest

3000 out there

and I lost Cherry.

If I don't find her, I'm

gonna get sh*t on and raped.

Sh*t raped, man.

Dude, I'm kind of right

in the middle of talking

to Polly here.

Dude, I need you now.

Okay, 5 minutes,

in the kitchen?

I'll be waiting.

Dude, that was Polly

f***ing Wallace.

I'm not saying that just

to emphasize a point.

Her nickname is f***ing.

Polly f***ing Wallace, bro.

You're getting laid tonight.

Well, what are you

talking about, man?

I'm not trying

to get laid here.

That's what you think, dude.

She's a sure thing. Watch.

Bro, dude,

I just have one question.

Who here

is in my Eskimo network?

Who's had sex

with Polly Wallace?

Yeah, I did.

Absolutely.

Dude,

even the Dean's rocked it.

You're getting laid.

Dude, seriously,

all we're doing is talking.

No way, bro, she's cock crazy.

She gonna get you drunk

and ride you like a rodeo,

brother.

Whoo!

Now we go to go find Cherry.

Uh, but before

that I am going to stick

my penis in that

nice little girl walking by.

Phil, Cal, what's up, guys?

Hey, what's up, Hensen?

F*** off, Hensen.

We can't be seen with you here.

You're a funny guy.

See you later.

Dude, that was for the best.

F***ing Hensen is a loser, bro.

When chicks see him

they get dry.

Now come on, go f***ing

drain your nuts.

Dude, for the last time,

I'm not gonna f*** Polly.

You need to f*** Polly Wallace.

Go do some talking

with your dick,

don't be a fag.

What did you say?

Yeah, what did you say?

Yeah, what did you say?

Uh, I was just talking

to my buddy Phil here,

ot you ga... guys.

You think it's okay to say fag?

You better not have been

talking to me.

Look, he didn't mean

anything by it.

What exactly did he mean?

Yeah, what did he mean?

It's just a term of endearment.

Like when black people

call each other the "N" word

And just what "N" word

would that be?

Oh, yes, say it.

I think he's saying

that they're gay.

Yes.

We're gay.

We're gay, gay, gay, gay.

You're gay, honey?

You don't look gay.

I've been gay since '98.

Yeah, trust me, he's gay.

He's, like... like

my girlfriend and I'm the,

you know, like, the

boyfriend. Tweet-tweet.

Really?

Uh-huh.

Then kiss him.

What? Well, yeah, kiss him, kiss him.

Yeah, do that.

What?

F***, no way.

Look, we... we don't do

that in public, you know.

I just had garlic, man.

Yeah.

Kiss him!

Kiss him!

Okay, yeah.

Oh, isn't that sweet?

Works for me.

Oh!

I told you faggots,

you made a cute couple.

I love homosexuals.

Dude, that was

really scary, man.

You put your tongue

in my mouth, dude.

Dude, what the hell

was I supposed to do?

It was the gay mafia.

It had to look realistic.

You'll clean my life out.

Hey.

Hey.

I've been waiting for you.

You okay?

Yeah, no, I'm fine.

It's just I think

I pounded that last drink

a little bit too quickly.

I could really stand to get

something in me right now, actually.

Oh, my God. I would love to get

a little something in me, too.

You know what sounds

really, really good?

Um, what's that?

Bacon.

I love bacon.

After that everything

pretty much went black.

I mean, that's all

I really remember.

Yeah, that's mostly right,

but I remember it

more like this.

No, dude, I'm gonna

stop you right there

'cause that is not

how sh*t went down.

Fine. Dude, I remember

as much as you remember.

I mean, someone slipped

something in our drinks

or some sh*t.

Well, dude, we got

to figure it out, all right,

because Beth's gonna be

here any minute

and I need to know if I slept

with Polly or not.

We know what happened, dude.

You laid the lumber.

I don't think so, man.

I think I'd remember sex.

We got dosed, man.

I don't even know

where Cherry is.

I'm probably moments away

from getting sh*t raped

and murdered by Mr. Tom.

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