Bro, What Happened? Page #4

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I just... I need to know

what happened last night

for sure.

Oh, I get it, dude.

You don't want to

give her the syphilo,

the syphilitis.

No.

Yo, Cal!

Yo, Eskimo.

Uh, yo.

Yo.

Hey, I heard you needed

some help, man.

I brought Georgia here.

She's got like

a pornographic memory.

Photographic memory

and there's no such thing.

See, pretty and smart, huh.

Yeah, she is hot.

Hey, have you guys seen a phone? No.

Jesus, what happened

to your shoulder?

Look, don't worry about

my shoulder, George.

Okay, here's the f***ing scoop.

Phil, his girlfriend's coming.

He woke up naked with

no clothes in bed with Polly

f***ing Wallace.

Dude, you need a shot.

How is your dick?

A little bit of itching,

a little burning?

Can I see it?

No.

No, ma'am.

I don't feel comfortable

discussing my penis

with someone I just met.

I told you, bro,

you don't need an expert.

You're already

scratch-a-thon.

Dude, I don't need to scratch.

It's just 'cause you keep

putting that in my head.

Let's just get back to

what happened, all right.

Do you have any idea?

Oh, man, I don't remember much

because I was pretty trashed,

but here's what I remember.

It was me at the door

and wall to wall b*tches,

every single one of them.

I love you, Beef.

Well, a lot of ladies do.

Just go ahead and wait

inside and stand in line

with the rest of them.

I'd wait all night if I had to.

I'm sure you would.

You sexy beast.

Yo, you two can't come in.

Oh.

Sorry, these two ass

monkeys are with me.

Hey, who is that hottie?

Oh, thanks, handsome.

Bye, boys.

But I thought she was...

What?

You thought she was with you?

Well, you know, once,

like, a long time ago.

No, dude, it just means that

you're in my Eskimo network,

you know, two guys

that are banging

the same girl, man.

It's all good.

Yeah, dude.

Whoo!

Glenn.

Glenn.

He tastes like beef jerky.

I do.

Glenn.

What?

Wait, I love you.

I love you.

Okay.

Glenn, come here, man.

Hmm?

Bye.

Who's that?

I don't know who that was.

Oh, man. Well, dude, you

up for a game of assketball?

You know it, brosef.

Hells yeah. Hey, Derek. Yo.

Come watch the door,

man, I'll be back in ten.

Oh, yeah.

P*ssy central.

You're cute.

And you're just the

right amount of drunk.

Hey, Glenn,

give those M&Ms, man.

Hey, I got this for you.

What?

Just drink it.

I bet Meester here

can chug the whole thing

in under 5 seconds.

Don't make me pay him.

Chug it, Beef.

Oh, wow.

Hope you got

that for your stupid movie.

I did.

Oh, my God.

You have such amazing eyes.

My tits are down here, a**hole.

Mother...

Hey, babe, it's me.

So I got the wedding

colors picked out already.

I think I'm gonna pick lavender

and white because,

you know, those are

my favorite colors.

Let me know what you think.

Bye.

Hey, man, what's up, Beef?

Hey, give us

some of that candy, man.

I can't, man, I got to use it

for something.

Use it?

What the f***?

Hey, man, share some

of that candy.

Dude, this isn't

Casablanca babes,

Stop bogartin' the goddamn

candy and pass it out, man.

Hey, you want to get high?

Hell, man, there's a priest

molesting little boys,

hell yeah!

Hey, give them some candy.

Yeah, candy.

You know about stereotypes?

You know how that black guys

only like that white chicks?

What if black guys don't

really like fat white chicks

but they like frozen

Snickers bars,

and fat white chicks always

has frozen Snickers bars?

That sh*t is racist, man.

Hey, man, you're f***ing

racist, mother f***er.

Hey, Jamal, what did

you get on your SATs?

I don't know, man,

barbeque sauce.

Oh, there she is.

F*** you a**hole face.

And I want my abortion

money tonight.

Yeah, a**hole face.

Yo, man, I never

went inside her, man.

I went in her eyes.

She probably didn't see

that coming.

What happened?

Hey, man, who listens

to music in a party, dude?

Hey, man, give me more candy.

I can't, man, I need it

for something, man.

Come on, Glenn,

let's get out of here

and get that little pudwacker.

Thanks for the weed, guys.

All right stereotypical

white dude.

Hold on, man, hold on, hold on.

All jokes aside, man,

where the f*** is our bong?

Oh, sh*t,

where is our bong, man?

It disappeared.

Do you guys want

to buy this bong for $50?

Oh, yeah, yeah,

we'll buy it, ma'am.

Awesome.

I got $60 right here.

Good.

Thank you.

Can I get my change please?

I don't do change.

I'm so sorry.

It's just like our old one.

Oh, my God, Tiffany.

My name is not Tiffany.

It's Cherry, you b*tch.

Oh!

Look at your face.

Die, dog, die.

I think it's broken.

This is a decimal right here.

Hey, Phil, it's me again.

So I was thinking

we should go out

to a really

nice restaurant tomorrow

and I think

it'll be really cool

if you propose to me again

in front of everyone.

Doesn't that sound awesome?

Okay, call me back, babe.

So my doctor strongly advised

that I should get my penis

reduction sooner,

rather than later.

Yeah.

What's your name?

Pilar.

Pilar, I'm Cal.

Hi.

Guess what?

We should really get you

out of these wet clothes.

You know what,

I bet your dad was a thief

because he stole

the stars in the skies

and put them in your eyes.

My daddy was shot

and killed while stealing

from a jewelry store,

you a**hole.

What the...

Is everyone okay up there?

Yeah, but you shot a dog.

Oh, it's not my first.

Is it still alive?

Yeah, it's still moving.

How about now?

Yeah, that did it, it's dead.

Just put the bottle down, man.

Hey, why don't we go do a tarot

reading. I'll charge you, but...

Do you know how degrading

it is to come to a party

where you're hired as a clown

and find your ex girlfriend

here with someone?

You cheated

on me multiple times

with the moms

from your birthday party gigs.

You back off, man.

Oh, my God.

My hero.

I am gonna take such

good care of you. Rawr!

Now somebody get that

clown the hell out of here.

So that was weird.

I thought it was

pretty cool what he did.

Well, I mean, I totally

could have kicked that

clown's ass, but, you know,

Phil had the sitch

under control.

Mm.

My sorority sisters are

waiting for me upstairs,

let's go.

Oh, hell yeah.

I really want

to screw that guy.

Me too.

Okay, well,

your lifeline is very short,

but there's nothing I can

really do about that, all right?

Do you have

any other questions?

Um, what about my love life?

Your love life?

Okay.

Well, I hate to tell you this,

but your boyfriend

is f***ing everybody.

Everybody, he fucks

everything with vagina.

I know.

It's terrible.

Are you kidding me?

He's supposed to be

at bible study.

Bible study? No.

He is not at bible study.

No, no. You know what

I would do if I were you?

I would find the ugliest,

most repulsive

looking person at this party

and screw him.

Thank you.

I will.

Is this marijuana

you're smoking?

Is this marijuana, you're...

yes.

Why?

I'm not comfortable with you

smoking drugs around us.

Okay, come here.

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