Bro, What Happened? Page #5

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Closer.

Say please.

Please.

All right, why don't

we all move on

to the Ouija board?

Okay?

This is not

what I was expecting.

Oh! Ooh.

Rusty coke pipes,

that means it's time to switch

to heroin everybody.

Take over.

I'm gonna go find a bathroom.

Jamie, hi.

Hello, Jamie.

So Cherry's got you guys

playing with the dark hearts,

huh?

We're gonna Ouija.

Actually I have a question.

Um, will I have sex

with Elaine?

Yes, I will.

You did that, totally.

No, no, that wasn't me.

Um, here let me try again.

Will I have sex with Marilyn?

Yes, I will.

You did that.

No, I swear it wasn't me.

Will I have sex with Jamie?

No.

Will I have a threesome

with Elaine and Marilyn?

Yes, I will.

Wow.

Oh, my God, I think

it actually moved that time.

You guys know that

whatever the Ouija board says

you have to do, no matter

how freaky or kinky or gross,

you have to do it.

It's like a thing, like a law.

It's true.

Oh, my God, really?

Yeah.

I guess we have to do it then.

Sounds like

we should get a room.

Mm.

Let's go.

All right, I'm gonna

find us a room.

Sex, sex, sex, sex,

sex, sex, sex, sex, sex.

Do you know,

my boyfriend thinks that

he is the only one

whom he gets to play.

Well, I'll show him.

Yes!

Oh, I can't believe

this is actually happening.

No, it sure is, Peter!

It's Cal.

Ow.

Oh!

This isn't working.

Move over.

Yes.

Get up you fat phone!

Right, so wiggle a little so

I can pull your pants off.

Oh, sh*t.

Red alert! Red alert!

Oh, sh*t. I'm sorry,

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Let me get a condom and a

towel, we'll try over again.

Oh, f***.

Please give me a condom.

There's a drunk chick in there.

I'm going to testify

that she was sober.

Dude, I don't use condoms, man.

Go, go check the bathroom.

Okay, okay.

Uh, I will find us

a room, let's go.

Oh, this so works.

Hold on.

Oh, bro.

Ladies, hold on.

Dude.

Hey, what the f***? I

was taking a sh*t, man.

Come on.

Who shits with the door open?

Okay, ladies, hold on, hold on.

Oh, my God I swear

I will find us a room.

I will.

Please I need you you in there

like f***ing stat.

Oh, wait.

Come on, get in here.

What?

Where?

What?

Oh, dude, thanks for

sharing, man. Sharing?

Don't you know

who the f*** this is?

This is Mr. Tom's wife.

Oh, f***, dude.

I don't want anything to do

with this sh*t, man.

It's too late, bro.

I'm supposed to be

watching her.

Mr. Tom's gonna be

here any minute.

If she dies, I die

and then bonus,

I get sh*t raped.

Oh, f*** you, dude.

You keep this b*tch alive.

If I see Mr. Tom

I'll distract him.

Fake ass Eskimo brother.

F***.

Oh, man.

Goddamn it.

Mr. B is on move.

What?

Later with that.

Oh, my God, you're Mr. Belding

from Saved by the Bell.

Well, actually

my name is Dennis Haskins

but I did play

Mr. Belding.

Yeah, I know, I know.

You're like my hero.

I got this.

I need some advice.

Okay, shoot.

All right.

I'm really drunk right now

and inside the bathroom

is a drug dealer's wife.

Mr. Tom's wife

is in there.

She may have overdosed

and she may be dead.

What do I do?

You got a beeper?

No.

Rotary dial phone?

No.

VCR, VHS,

maybe a floppy disk,

eight track.

Zack phone, pencil, paper clip.

Help me out here.

No, this isn't the '90s, bro.

I don't have any of that stuff.

Well, looks like

you're in quite a predicament

and I'm not gonna be

able to help you.

But, you know what though?

I suggest

that you drink this really fast

and then pass out.

Yeah.

Uh.

Thanks, Mr. Belding...

I mean, Dennis.

And...

that's all I remember.

Dude,

Mr. Belding was not there.

No, Mr. Belding,

no Zack Morris,

o Jessy Spano, bro.

Dude, that's all

I remember, man,

except waking up

next to this angel.

You know,

I prefer Tinkerbell, baby.

All right, guys, listen.

Me, Polly, no memory.

Girlfriend coming to town.

Can we please

just stay on track?

Hey-ho,

pick up your phone

Oh.

Dude, Brah Man.

What's up, dude?

Hey, dude, I'm here

with Cal and Phil, man.

You remember Mexican Jonah Hill

and Neil Patrick Harris?

No, dude, he looks like

walking HIV, dude.

I was thinking, man...

Man, he's either in the movie

Philadelphia

or we need to go

to the hospital right now,

you know.

Yeah, dude, you remember me,

right, Brah Man.

I'm the one you

kept calling Chia Pet.

Wait, no, you're the one that

looks like a gigantic frijole

with an afro bro, right?

Well, that's me.

Holy f***ing sh*t.

Oh, man, I totally

remember those guys, man.

We were at the party,

dude and it's like...

it was a complete tit fest,

dude, and we were getting high...

And these extreme

astrophysical effects

can lead to short

bursts of fusion

and that's my first lesson

in fusion science.

Oh, my God.

You are the smartest man ever.

Thank you.

And the sexiest.

Yeah, I am.

Hey, you're my greatest

customer ever. I never do this.

But here's a rebate check

for $20,000

and I also want to give you

these beautiful ladies.

Oh, my God.

Brah Man, you're the coolest man

in our solar system.

Yeah, Brah Man,

you're beautiful inside and out.

I sure am.

Yes, um,

that's all I remember, man.

Dude, that is not

how anything happened.

Are you f***ing kidding me?

This guy probably

can't even drive straight.

F*** you, man,

I'm not an idiot.

I'm Asian, dude.

I'm smarter than you, man.

F*** you and your f***ing

lumber cut Beatle's haircut.

Hey, man, f*** you, you walking

big brown piece of sh*t, man.

I know Yakuza, bro.

Oh, sh*t.

Mother f***er, f***.

Talk to me like that...

Well, it sounds like

you're f***ed.

Or at least

you were last night.

Get thee to a healer

before the burning starts, man.

Jamie.

Meester, cute outfit.

Oh, scribble dibble.

You guys see a video camera?

I can't find it.

No, I haven't seen it

but have you seen a phone

by chance?

You sh*t stains, I told you

to stay out of trouble.

One party and you need

your momma to come here

and wipe your asses?

Me-me-me!

Jamie, just please

tell us what happened.

Okay.

I'll tell you what happened.

First your daddy

forgot to pull out.

Then he dropped

in your f***ing head

a couple of times.

And then he forgot to teach you

how to man up and drink a beer.

And now I have to come here

and clean up this entire mess.

So Phil's girlfriend

will leave everyone

on campus the f*** alone.

Oh, Beth, is she here?

Apparently, she's already

torn up the entire dorms

looking for you.

Now I'm f***ed.

F***ed.

What's the problem?

Well, according

to Beef over there,

Phil stuck his dick

in a VD cocktail last night.

Beef?

Beef?

Needledick the bug f***er

was completely f***ing

trash last night.

Hey, so were you.

I was with Meester all night

and we were only half trashed.

So together we can totally

piece together the real deal.

It's true.

So, Helen Keller.

Need a braille book?

What the f*** happened?

Yeah!

This is how sh*t went down.

I showed up at the party

looking insanely gorgeous.

I mean, seriously amazing.

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