Broken Hearts Club Page #9

Synopsis: In the palm-shaded oasis of West Hollywood, we meet Dennis, a promising photographer. As he prepares to celebrate his twenty-eighth birthday, he laments, ' I can't decide if my friends are the best or worst thing that ever happened to me.' The gang includes Benji, the punkish innocent with a penchant for gym bodies; Howie, the psychology grad student who thinks too much and lives too little; Cole, the charismatic actor who accidentally keeps stealing everybody's guy; Patrick, the cynical quipster, and Taylor, resident drama queen, who, until recently, prided himself on his long-term relationship. Providing sage advice and steady work is Jack, the beloved patriarch whose restaurant is a haven for them all. When tragedy strikes the group, the friendships are put to the test.
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance
Director(s): Greg Berlanti
Production: Sony Pictures Classics
  1 win & 1 nomination.
 
IMDB:
7.0
Metacritic:
51
Rotten Tomatoes:
64%
R
Year:
2000
94 min
810 Views


Taylor, get the pitchers.|The drinking games are about to begin.

Let's play|"Who Can Act Straight the Longest."

when I first knew I was gay.

I can't remember.

what I can recall...

I first realized it was okay.

It was when I met these guys...

my friends.

That Cameron Diaz is hot.|Did you check out the new F-1 50 yet?

Dude, it's huge.

I figure after the Laker game, I'll|head to Dublin's, grab some brewskies.

No way, man.|There's no snatch there on Mondays.

- It's total sausage on week nights.|- You guys see that Saxon got traded?

It sucks.|The line's gonna be sh*t now.

Amen, girlfriend.

- What did I say?|- We were doing so well.

There isn't a straight man who doesn't|refer to anyone but his girlfriend...

as "girlfriend."

But I was so butch|when I said it.

Fine. I don't care that I lost.|I hate games. Where's the check?

You should be proud to have lost.

This whole exercise is an unabashed,|demoralizing case of self-mockery.

This from the man that brought us,|"There's no snatch there on Monday."

- That's different.|- I agree.

If Larry Kramer knew this is how gay men|spent their time, he'd defect.

Larry Kramer can blow me, okay?

This is fun.

Besides, that was 5 minutes|and 3 2 seconds.

- Group record.|- Meanwhile...

I was saying earlier--

Could I have|a double steroid mocha?

- I can't help it. I'm a gym bunny hag.|- Gross.

Yes, Benji, yours is a lost cause.

I hate this city.|Everyone's better-looking than me.

- Cheer up,Jan. You'll make the team.|- I'm serious.

F*** off.

It's from the three of us.

And you wrapped it in your pants.

That's very funny.

- "Love, Here I Am."|- It's a joke.

You're the only one of us that never|complains about not having a boyfriend.

Certain individuals less familiar|with the real Dennis...

might interpret that|absence of desire to couple...

as a defense mechanism, a wall.

In which case, this text would serve you|in overcoming your emotional blockage...

and opening yourself up|to the possibilities of a relationship.

Okay, hint taken.|Come on. Just get together.

I can't take a picture.|I look terrible right now.

I really, honestly.|Wait a minute. Look at this.

- Actually, this isn't bad.|- Okay.

Good. Light's good over there.|Go. Come on, go.

All right.

Meanwhile--

when I first knew I was gay.

Can't remember.

But what I do remember...

I first realized it was okay.

- "It was when I met these guys..."|- Thank you.

my friends.

I still need to find a housewarming gift|for my sister and Clubber Lang.

She's been your sister's girlfriend|for five years.

Don't you think you two|should get along?

Meanwhile, don't look now,|but right behind me--

I could kill you.

You act like he'd never know|we were checking him out.

He wouldn't even know I was a fag|if I wasn't here with you--

a cart full of kitchenwares.

What planet are you living on?

Not a person in this store wouldn't|pick you off the homo tree in a second.

- Keep telling yourself that.|- You don't believe me?

Okay. I'm sorry, miss?|Excuse me, miss?

Could you come here|for just a second?

This man, you've never seen him before|in your whole entire life, right?

Tell me, which is it:|fag, not a fag?

I'll have to say big fag.

- The first thing I want to say, Larry--|- Lawrence.

- Remember my thing with that?|- Right.

Anyway, Lawrence,|the last two weeks...

that we've been going out...

have been some of the best moments|in my dating career.

We've laughed, we've learned...

we've tripped the light fantastic.

And yet, I just...

feel like something's|just not working.

What do you think, dear?

I'm not sure. Fold your arms.

Oh, gosh, yeah. Big nellie.

It's not you, okay? It's me.

I'm the broken piece,|and you wanna know why?

It's because deep down inside...

I'm a lonely person.

Are you reading that|off of your hand?

What? No.

You are. You are totally|reading a script.

It's just some notes. I wanted|to make sure I said the right thing.

Oh, give me a f***ing break.

The light fantastic?|You don't even know what that is.

What?

Got an APB on a Caucasian male,|brown hair and eyes...

Suspect is unarmed and has distinct|characteristics of a homosexual male.

That's how I'd call you in myself.

You know, you are worse|than all the muscle boys combined.

At least they don't presume|to want a relationship.

I never said|that I wanted a relationship.

- Then what did you want?|- Something casual.

Linen sports jackets are casual.|Swimwear is casual.

- F***ing somebody is not casual.|- Okay.

While we're on the subject...

if certain rumors concerning|your sexual proclivities...

start popping up around town,|you'll know who started them.

Have a pleasant evening,|bottom boy!

That is such bullshit!

Why do you bring them here,|strumpet?

I am not in the mood|for one of your tirades.

As a person in a long-term relationship,|I'm gonna let you know.

- What you do is sick.|- Whatever.

Number one, you work here.|It's in poor taste.

Number two, if you're gonna|break up with somebody...

have the decency to provide them|with better lighting.

I heard that, ingrate.|Oh, record time, Casanova.

You can start your shift early.

Roberto, what are you|cutting those with, a chain saw?

This is bruschetta.|You slice the tomatoes thinly.

Jack, that's Javier.|Roberto is his brother.

If he cuts those tomatoes right,|I'll call him Phyllis if he wants.

As a person|in a long-term relationship...

I don't see how you're ever gonna|find happiness with one person...

if you don't mend your ways.

Do you not start any sentences with, "as|a person in a long-term relationship"?

It speaks of my authority|on matters of the heart.

-It speaks of your boyfriend's insanity.|-Hey, guys.

- Thank God.|- You're late.

Sorry, but, you know,|it is my birthday.

Sorry doesn't feed the bulldog, sugar.|Go to work.

Saw your prey on the curb.|Nice work.

Last time I use an audition monologue|to break up with somebody.

You coming to the party,Jack?

I just wrapped 1 00 pieces of cantaloupe|in prosciutto to keep 'em warm.

You didn't. Jack!

I couldn't let you have a birthday|without giving you...

at least a little bit|of my superior taste and talent.

And in addition to which,|look what I got today.

The Broken Hearts jerseys.

I will be signing up|interested parties all night.

Please, I'm begging you,|no softball team this year.

No softball team this year.|No softball team this year.

Are you crazy? You know what kind|of P.R. this is for the restaurant?

It can't be that good. We lost|every single game we played last year.

Two of those teams|only had four people.

Nobody's forcing you two to play,|but remember who pays your bills.

Leslie, Queen of Bitchtar,|your people have come to take you home.

Good evening, Patrick.|It's your brother!

I'll be right there.

What is it with lesbians|and candles?

I just got home from the office,|and I'm not in the mood for your sh*t.

So...

what's the gift?

It's a housewarming present|for Anne.

Two months late.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote

Greg Berlanti

Gregory Berlanti (born May 24, 1972) is an American writer and producer of film and television, and film director. He is known for his work on the television series Dawson's Creek, Brothers & Sisters, Everwood, Political Animals and Riverdale, in addition to his contributions to DC Comics on film and television, including The CW's Arrowverse. In 2017, Berlanti set a record in having 10 different live action scripted television series planned to air in the 2017–18 television season on various networks and digital platforms. This record was then self-supplanted for the following season, now at 14. Berlanti also directed the acclaimed 2018 romantic comedy-drama film Love, Simon. more…

All Greg Berlanti scripts | Greg Berlanti Scripts

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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