Brooklyn Rules Page #2

Come on, I'm starving to death.

That's not funny.

Your friend's an a**hole.

Come on; come on.

Take that thing

out of her head; let's go.

Watch the seats.

You couldn't have waited five more minutes?

Give me a break.

We did you a favor.

Yeah, seriously, Mike.

I'm just saying,

I mean, a girl that fat,

You put your cock in her mouth,

it could be dangerous.

Look, she was ugly, Mikey.

Come on.

You f***ing a**holes.

Well, if it isn't the last

of the big spenders.

Yes, please,

um, a big stack of pancakes

And a cup of decaf.

Just coffee, please.

So what comes with this

"Give me liberty, or give me eggs"?

Three eggs, toast,

and two pieces

of bacon or sausage,

Exactly like it says right there.

Okay, I'll have that.

Yes, please.

How would you like them, moron?

Oh, well, um, scrambled?

Bacon or sausage?

Can I have one piece of each?

I suppose.

Oh, and a lemonade, please.

Thank you.

Give me liberty, or give-

Why do you always have to order

something so f***ing stupid?

What's with the lemonade?

I like lemonade.

Can I have water?

Is that all right?

So?

What's new with murder incorporated?

What do you mean?

You were over there a long time.

Caesar introduced me to some people, so what?

So why are you getting involved

with these guys?

Why are you breaking my balls?

Why don't you give me a break?

Christmas is coming.

I need a score.

You want a score?

I got a scam for you, can't miss.

Oh, yeah?

You go down to Macy's;

you fill out an application,

Loading dock or some sh*t.

First week, you show up,

do your job; everything's great.

End of the week,

they give you a paycheck.

Now, you put that aside.

Next week, same thing:

you show up,

Do your job.

End of that week,

they give you another check.

What's the scam?

Well, that's it.

It's called a f***in' job.

Very funny.

Very funny.

I'm sure your fat girlfriend

found you very amusing.

Shut up, douche bag.

- She's a big girl, Mike.

- Aw, shut up.

She's a big girl.

After the Hamilton house,

we'd usually split up.

Carmine would head back to Pastels

and pick up a girlfriend...

for the night...

Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho, watch the hair.

Come on.

Sorry.

Don't be sorry; just don't

touch my f***in' hair.

While Bobby'd pick up Amy,

his girlfriend for life.

They met at a video store.

They were both trying to rent

the only copy of Brigadoon.

Hey, I guess people have gotten

together for dumber reasons.

Between work and school,

I didn't have time for a relationship,

At least that's what I told myself.

Okay, people.

This midterm counts for 50% of your grade,

So answer fully and completely.

You may begin now.

Remember I told you earlier

how I loved to read?

Well, that's true,

except for one minor detail:

I hated reading schoolbooks.

It was weird.

In some ways,

I liked being unprepared.

It was like this incredible challenge:

Me against the system.

Of course,

sometimes I failed to meet that challenge,

like right now.

An "f" now would have killed me.

I was six months away from graduating,

Applying to law schools,

And dead in the f***ing water.

But I wasn't about to let that stop me.

Okay, people.

Time's up.

Pencils down, please.

Hand in your blue books,

please, right here.

B&B meats was where

I worked after school:

Good pay and all the cold cuts I could eat.

Come on.

Go sweep up for me, all right?

Evenin'.

You the boss?

Night manager.

Help you?

Earl Webber.

I'm in waste disposal.

Now,

I know what you're thinking.

You already deal with

a private sanitation company,

But what would you say if I told you

I could cut your rates in half?

You're obviously not from around here.

Son, stop right there.

You know what this is?

It's an ear.

I cut it off a gook in Vietnam.

I'm impressed.

What's your point?

That if I can deal

with the VC,

I sure as sh*t can deal

with the boys around here.

Now, you give your boss

my card; you tell him

Earl Webber's

at his disposal.

You all have a good evening.

This guy was obviously a mental case.

In New York, private sanitation

was controlled by the wise guys.

Invent a better mousetrap here,

You got a mousetrap stuck up your ass.

Temple Sinai was a local shul

that occasionally ran a "Las Vegas night"

To raise money for Israel...

At least that's what they told the cops.

The truth was that its rabbi

was a degenerate gambler

into his bookie for 50 grand.

Come on. Again.

Jesus Christ!

The result was,

every night was Las Vegas night,

Our own neighborhood casino,

run by Caesar.

The f*** is wrong with you?

Ah, yes.

Here he is, Carminuch.

Hey, Billy, what's going on?

My buddy Michael.

Michael, Billy.

How's it going?

Listen, come by Butterfingers.

Let me talk to you

about that thing, all right?

All right, yeah.

Listen, play nice.

Don't hurt yourselves.

What's that,

like, the ninth f***ing time?

Shocking.

Right there, that's what I'm talking about.

Montana and that donkey McMahon,

they all got that stuff.

Shocking.

Everybody lose.

Everybody lose!

Come on, put me out of my misery.

Come to poppa.

You bring a face card right now.

No, it's not a cocksucker.

It's good.

Aces, split.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

I have no money.

I can't.

Split? Yes?

I have no money.

Go ahead.

His credit is good.

Go ahead.

Split the aces.

N- No, I-

I don't want to do that.

You don't want to split aces?

I do. I just...

don't want credit.

You don't want credit?

Oh.

Okay, what do you say

I give your friend here credit,

And you owe him the money?

I can't do that.

- Mikey.

- Hmm?

I'm starting to get a little complex here, kid.

I don't mean any disrespect, really.

It's just-

I'd rather not.

So are you gonna stay on 12?

Uh, hit me.

Still 12.

Come on, nine or less.

Ooh, the suicide king, huh?

That was f***in' genius, kid.

Suicide king.

Mr. Martinez.

Nice job. Nice job.

Miss Frazen, hmm,

Showing your leftist leanings, I see.

Miss Deutsch, very, very nice.

Okay, folks, take a moment

to look over your papers.

Then I'd like to continue

the discussion we started last time

on veto powers.

Uh, excuse me, professor?

- Mm-Hmm?

- I didn't get my test.

I didn't give it back to you?

Uh, no.

Huh.

Well, this has never happened to me before.

Well, you didn't lose it, did you?

Well, I mean, I suppose

I might have misplaced it someplace, but I-

I don't believe this.

Are you sure that you handed it in?

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, um,

I'll make arrangements

for you to take a makeup exam.

A makeup-

I'm already studying for the final.

This is bullshit.

You lose my exam, and it's my fault?

How do you think that you did?

Frankly, sir, it's not how I think I did.

I know I got an "A".

I ain't never studied so hard in my life.

Well, how about this?

Um...

If it doesn't turn up,

We'll let the final count for your entire grade.

All right, but do me a favor.

When you're grading the final, bear in mind

I got an "A" on your midterm.

Hm.

Hey!

- Hi.

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