Brooklyn Rules Page #3

- Hey.

- How you doin'?

- Good.

Michael.

We're in poli-sci together.

Right, sure.

I'm Ellen.

Yeah, I know.

So Foster lost my test.

Do you believe that?

Incredible, huh?

So you live in the city?

East side.

What about you?

Brooklyn for right now,

But I'm thinking of moving,

the village, maybe.

Cool.

I love it down there.

Hm.

Listen,

would you like to have a drink?

What, like, right now?

I was thinking this weekend, you know,

Saturday, maybe.

But now is good too.

Actually, my birthday is this weekend.

Oh, hey, happy birthday.

Thanks.

I'm having a party on Saturday.

You're welcome to come.

It's at addiction in tribeca.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

I go there all the time.

Great margaritas.

Right.

Excuse me.

So I'll see you on Saturday then?

Any time after 9:00 is good.

Yeah, great.

Happy thanksgiving.

Thanks. You too.

This is Bobby's house,

But for all intents and purposes,

It was mine too.

I never really knew my dad,

and my mom died when I was 17.

The Canzoneris were like family.

That's Bobby's mom,

hands-down the worst cook in Brooklyn.

Compared to her lasagna,

a bowl of sh*t would taste like Haagen-Dazs.

Aunt Louise:

The most depressing woman in the world.

She wouldn't be happy

sitting in the lap of Jesus.

Bobby's dad:

though he was born and raised

right here in Brooklyn,

this man has done more

to mangle the English language than ebonics.

It's march of the wooden soldiers.

Change it back.

Friggin' dog, get up!

- Teresa!

- What?

He's pissin' the carpet again.

He's incompetent!

It's incontinent, John.

Oh, who gives a sh*t?

Bless us, o lord,

for these five gifts

which we are about to receive

from thy boundaries,

through Christ, our lord.

Amen.

Those kids,

the ones in the stolen car...

Yeah, it's terrible.

Now they're dead.

Some thanksgiving for their families.

See what happens you don't wear a seat belt?

Ma, they were driving,

like, 100 miles an hour.

Irregardless.

I bet you wear your seat belt.

Well...

Who says I don't?

Die in a stolen car?

You'd probably go to hell.

This is delicious, Mrs. Canz.

It's great.

Where the hell is Carmine?

Maybe somebody let the air

out of his pompadour.

All right, here.

Check this out.

Let me know what you think.

$8. 73 an hour.

Are you gonna be a mailman?

A mail clerk.

See, that way, if it rains,

you get to stay inside.

It's federal, so if you f*** up,

they can't fire you.

How can you possibly

f*** this up?

I don't know.

I'm just saying.

What do you think?

It's good.

You know, you're happy; I'm happy.

When's the test?

I just sent out for the application.

What's up?

Holy...

What's so funny?

What?

So the mafia's hiring

bullfighters now?

Seriously, Carmine,

You gotta be f***ing kidding.

Yeah, all right, why don't you

check out GQ this month?

'Cause this is the next big thing.

Where, Guadalajara?

Funny.

Very funny.

Go shine your penny loafers

so we can go.

We ready now, please?

Mm-Mm, he's going over to Amy's.

You can knuckle her any time.

That's it.

Now none of you's the best man.

You're gonna marry the girl.

You're gonna see her every day

for the rest of your life.

Not if I can't afford a ring.

It's a movie, you f***in' chiseler.

Okay, how about

Kiss of the Spider Woman?

How about you kiss my f***ing a**hole?

How about that, huh?

Then I'm not going.

Ugh, fine, we'll go without you.

Come on, Zorro.

Motherf***er.

Be quiet!

My parents are sleeping.

Michael J. Fox comes back

at the end, right?

How come his parents, they're over here;

They don't recognize him

as the kid from the beginning?

Doesn't make any sense.

Well, maybe time travel

screws with your memory or something.

But they didn't time travel; he did.

Doesn't make any f***ing sense.

I wouldn't overthink it, you know?

I'm just saying.

F***in' pig.

Give me a napkin, would you?

Yeah.

- What's this?

- Nothin'.

Some redneck came in the store,

Tried to get me to hire him

as our new garbage company.

Get the f*** out of here.

He's got a necklace

With a f***in' ear on it.

He cut it off some gook in the war.

Send him after that blackjack dealer

is what you should do.

Hey, what did Philly want

to talk to you about that night?

"Come see me about the thing. "

Um, nothing, you know, he's...

Got something going down

at the airport.

Ever heard of John Gotti?

No.

He's with the Gambinos in Queens.

Philly's in with some of his crew, so-

Why are you f***ing around

with these guys?

I don't know, Mike.

What do you think?

Maybe I should

sign up for college, maybe,

start hanging out in the city, huh?

What's that supposed to mean?

I don't know.

Sometimes you act like we don't come

from the same place.

What are you talking about?

What am I "talking" about?

What am I talk-- That.

You sound like Thurston Howell.

Excuse me for not wanting

to sound like a moron.

Oh.

You know what I mean.

Don't you ever want

to get out of this hellhole?

Where am I gonna go?

The whole world's crazy.

Not like here, it isn't.

Not I-

They shot the f***in' pope, for chrissakes,

right in the Vatican.

Most accidents happen

within two blocks of your house.

Look, it's just-

Philly,

Those other guys,

I worry about you, that's all.

Tired of being a bust-out, Mick.

So get a straight job.

What? What?

A straight job with some bullshit company?

works in some bullshit company.

I'm not them.

You understand? I'm not them.

Okay? I want respect in life.

That's it.

You know what?

You can say what you want

About Philly and about Caesar,

all right, the rest of those guys,

but they get their money,

and they get f***in' respect.

There's a big difference

between fear and respect,

Carmine.

All roads lead to Rome, Mikey.

All roads lead to Rome.

Just be careful, okay?

I don't want to find you dead

with two in the pompadour.

See you later, buddy.

Yeah.

Hey, you forgot your jacket.

No, I didn't.

Keep it, you f***in' hump.

We're closed!

Michael, I'm sorry.

Come here. What's wrong?

Come here.

Hit the lights.

You close the gates.

Hey.

It's nice to see you again.

By the way, I'm Caesar.

You're...

- Michael.

- Michael, right.

This is the piece of sh*t

that tried to get you to hire him, right?

Ungh!

H- He didn't really-

Yes or no.

It's not your fault.

Oh, all right.

Look, you're a good kid.

You don't want to get involved.

I understand.

Hey, scumbag!

Foghorn leghorn, let's go!

On your feet!|

I'm talking to you, a**hole.

F*** you!

Oh!

Now, did you try to get him to hire you?

What are you lookin' at him for?

He can't f***in' help you!

It's not the end of the world.

I just want to know.

Now tell me.

Did you or did you not?

You tell me the truth, I'll let you go.

Yeah.

Is that a yes?

That wasn't so hard, was it?

You okay?

You all right?

I'm sorry I was rough with you.

I lost my f***ing temper.

I should learn how to count to ten.

Needles and pins or some f***in' thing.

Ah!|

I heard you got that

as a souvenir in Vietnam.

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