Brother Nature Page #8

And Todd said we can try

his water boots.

This is even worse than

ripping off Gill's head.

I'm just glad he had clothes on.

Roger, I wouldn't go to sleep tonight.

I'm sure you're concussed.

You know I can't vote for

you now, guy. Right?

How many times did I tell

you to leave me alone?

How many times

did I say stay away?

Easy. Easy.

You punched me?

Yes, and it felt wonderful!

What is wrong with you?

What is wrong with me?

Him! He just destroyed my political

career on live television!

Looks to me like

he saved your ass.

That's because you're an idiot!

You're out of line, Roger.

I'm the only one

being honest, Jerry!

You should not be content with

this man marrying your daughter.

She could do so much better.

You need to apologize

to Todd right now.

How are you not on my side?

I am on your side, but it is

not okay to assault people!

Gwen, if anything,

he should apologize to me!

I'm sorry. I don't

want your apology!

Do you hear yourself right now?

You've completely

lost your mind!

He knocked me into the water! He

didn't save me! He caused it!

I know, but that

was an accident.

He doesn't have

a mean bone in his body.

He is a menace!

There's one person right now who's

a screaming, raving lunatic

and that is you.

Why would that be?

Do you understand

what I am going through?

Gwen, you don't know half

of what's transpired, okay?

Well, why don't you tell me!

No. You don't tell me

anything that's going on.

I can't tell you everything!

Things affect me, too!

And when you decide out of the blue

that you're gonna run for congress

that has an effect on me!

And so does you leaving the country

for three months at a time!

Have you communicated with me,

or asked how I feel about that?

Well, how do you feel about it?

I hate it!

I think if you really

want to help people

you should give them something

like food, not young-adult novels.

All right.

Gwen...

No. I hear you.

I'm sorry.

You think I'm a joke,

and you hate my family.

I'm really glad to know,

a couple of years in,

that this whole time

you thought I'm a fool.

I don't...

So I think,

now would be a perfect

time for you to go.

You want me to go home?

Great.

That's great.

Oh. And by the way,

"I'm gonna nut" means ejaculate!

Let's go.

That's disgusting.

Why would he say that?

Cathy, that part's true.

Hey, Roger.

I just want to say thank you for

a wonderful couple of days.

Switching gears

a little bit, um,

I lost my cell

phone charger in there.

It's a Samsung android s3.

It's like the s4

but a fewer prongs.

You know how they just change

the chargers for no reason.

I know this is a weird time to bring

it up, but it is a discontinued model.

It's got metal gray...

It's our candidate, folks!

I just want to thank all of

you for all your hard work.

I really appreciate it.

Place isn't much, but it's the

best I could do on short notice.

No. No, the place

is wonderful.

I just hope everyone realizes

I'm going to lose.

Why would you say that?

I fell into a lake

on live television.

Yeah. People love it. It's gone viral.

Where have you been?

Purposely avoiding all media.

Look at this.

It's got three

million views on YouTube.

Roger Fellner.

Guy worth saving.

Guy worth voting for.

And you've become a meme, look.

There's you being rescued

from the Titanic.

There's you with

the water-skiing squirrel.

Your own commemorative cereal.

That's just you

coming out of a toilet.

That's also... A bunch of

just different toilets.

It's really so flattering to have the

entire country making fun of me.

Roger, this is a good thing.

This is a real human moment.

People look at this and go,

"well, I could fall into a lake.

"I should vote

for this guy."

Hey, Pete, play

the Maddow piece.

And finally tonight,

I'm sure you've all seen the Seattle

politician fall into a lake

while announcing his run

for a congressional seat.

Yes, a near-drowning on live

TV is a bit of a blunder,

but the quick thinking of a

family member saved his life,

and with it, his chance

at public office.

Well, now, new footage has surfaced

of the accident-prone candidate

and his rescuer just crushing

the spin doctors on karaoke.

Somebody smart once said,

"judge a person's character by

who he surrounds himself with."

Well, with friends like these,

Roger Fellner seems like

a stand-up guy.

Or rather, "a guy worth saving.

A guy worth voting for."

So, we are all set for the

fundraiser on Friday.

And this is for you,

it was sent to my house.

Good night, Roger.

Is that your boyfriend?

Oh. Hey, man, sorry. I didn't

realize anyone was still here.

You look happy.

You and your boyfriend.

No. He's not my boyfriend.

No, no. He's, um...

He's a...

Do you want me to move?

No. No. No. You're good.

All right, ready, zip!

What is it?

"Cabbie penny

needs a potty."

Wait, what did it start as?

"Katy Perry's

a hottie."

Yeah, she is!

Don't tell your parents

I said that, okay?

'Cause I could

get in big trouble.

Hi.

Do you think I could

talk to you for a second?

Hey, Micah.

Can you please tell our guest that

these are not visiting hours?

These are not visiting hours.

Thank you, Micah.

I can hear him.

I just need two minutes.

Hear me out.

And if you don't want to see me

again, I'll leave you alone.

Hey, Micah.

Can you please tell our guest

that if he would like to arrange a time

to talk that's not during our hang time

that would be much better?

He said... Yeah, I heard him, Micah.

Thank you.

Um...

Okay.

Okay, little homies.

Where were we?

Red-hair Ralph.

Mickey got another one.

Give it to me, brother.

Hey, Micah.

Can you please tell our guest

that if he would like

to talk to me right now

that he could call me up

on the telephone.

Todd, I've tried calling...

"Limes harden in a lunch room.

Nine times a night."

What did it start as?

"I'm sorry that I punched you.

I had no right."

I acted like such a jerk

and there are no excuses,

but if you give me a second

chance I would love...

Your round is over.

Okay. Guys, thank you very

much for letting me interrupt.

I hope you have fun.

You deserve a better

brother-in-law than me.

You're not safe here.

None of you are!

That beam is the safe zone.

And he is it!

Freeze tag!

It's on!

Hit him.

I take it you got my package.

I did. Todd, that was amazing.

Thank you so much.

Though I don't know if I'll

have much use for it now.

Gwen won't even return my calls.

Come on, buddy. You know

she still loves you.

She's been moping around the

house for like two weeks.

Makes for an awful roommate.

You know, her big

fundraiser's tomorrow night.

I do know this.

In fact, part of the reason I came here...

Is I need your help.

Say it again.

I need your help. Say

it real loud this time.

I need your help!

Now, say it... Say it

like a weird baby.

I need your help!

Let's do it!

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