Browsers Page #2

---

PRUDENCE (IN DRIVER’S LICENSE)

Gonna come back down from this buzz!

INT. - GUSH.COM

THE FOUR OF THEM EMERGE FROM AN ELEVATOR INTO THE LARGE, HIP

OFFICES OF GUSH.COM. PRUDENCE HOLDS HER DONUT.

KATE, JOSH, GABE AND PRUDENCE

BROWSERS - 10/25/12

And spin out my life!

My amazing untold story!

A CRUDELY PRINTED-OUT SIGN TAPED TO THE FRONT OF RECEPTION

SAYS “NEW INTERNS --->.” THEY HEAD DOWN A HALLWAY COVERED

WITH PHOTOS OF JULIANNA HOBNOBBING WITH FAMOUS PEOPLE.

KATE, JOSH, GABE AND PRUDENCE (CONT’D)

My life!

My befuddled road to glory!

INT. - LARGE BULLPEN

THE FOUR OF THEM ARRIVE AT THE CORNER OF AN ENORMOUS BULLPEN

AREA BUSTLING WITH PEOPLE, EXCITEMENT, ENERGY, ETC. JUSTIN, A

HANDSOME, COCKY 24-YEAR-OLD GREETS THEM; WE DON’T HEAR WHAT

HE SAYS, BUT WE GATHER HE IS TELLING THEM TO SIT DOWN AND

WAIT HERE. THEY ALL PUT ON NAMETAGS WITH THEIR FIRST AND LAST

NAMES ON THEM:
“HI, MY NAME IS KATE BLOMQUIST”, ETC.

KATE, JOSH, GABE AND PRUDENCE (V.O.)

This is my life.

I am flying

While I'm trying

Not to freak.

ONE AT A TIME, WE WATCH THEM AS THEY PEEK THEIR HEADS UP OVER

THE TOP OF THE CUBICLE TO THE SCENE AROUND THEM. THEY ARE

TRYING TO TAKE IN THE “GROWN-UP” SCENE.

KATE, JOSH, GABE AND PRUDENCE

It’s the first day...

It’s the first day...

It’s the first day...

Of the rest of my week.

ALL FOUR OF THEM ARE NOW “BROWSING” OVER THE CUBICLE WALL AS

the title, "Browsers," pops up with a quick music stingunderneath THEM.

END OF COLD OPEN

BROWSERS - 10/25/12

ACT ONE:

INT. - LARGE BULLPEN AREA

VARIOUS SNIPPETS OF ORDINARY MONDAY-MORNING OFFICE LIFE.

NOTHING PARTICULARLY EXCITING.

CUT TO THE FOUR NEWBIES, GAWKING AT THE WONDER OF IT ALL.

GABE:

(Rapt)

This is the coolest place in thewhole world.

PRUDENCE:

(Stoned)

Yeah.

JOSH IS LOOKING AT GABRIEL’S NAMETAG: “GABRIEL BLACKMAN”. HE

BEGINS TYPING INTO HIS PHONE. ITS SCREEN APPEARS IN THE

CORNER OF OUR SCREEN AS “GABRIEL BLACKMAN” IS ENTERED INTO

THE GOOGLE SEARCH BAR. THE PHONE SCREEN APPEARS FOR A SECOND.

IF YOU PAUSE IT, YOU CAN GLEAN THAT HE WENT TO OBERLIN, WAS

STUDENT BODY PRESIDENT, HAD SOME BYLINES FOR EDITORIALS ON

THE STUDENT PAPER, ETC.

KATE:

Have you guys been to the officebefore?

JOSH:

No.

PRUDENCE:

I have. I mean not this one, but,

you know. Others.

GABE:

It’s teeming with life!

JOSH:

(Cynical)

Well, it looks teeming with PC’s.

Yikes. Julianna! It’s a little

something called “Apple”. Look intoit.

GABE:

Do you think we get to meet her? Doyou think she went through ourresumés? Did she pick us?

BROWSERS - 10/25/12

JOSH:

It's possible. I saw an interviewwith her where she said...

QUICK CUTAWAY TO JULIANNA IN AN INTERVIEW.

JULIANNA:

“I love the young people at Gush.

They are the Zeitgeist.”

KATE:

I saw that too.

(Flawlessly)

“I love the young people at Gush.

They are the Zeitgeist.”

JOSH:

Wow. Flawless.

KATE:

I think that’s how I got hired.

JOSH:

Right.

KATE LOOKS EMBARRASSED.

GABE:

She’s one of my culture heroes. Socool, so no-bullshit, and so pro-

gay.

KATE:

Didn’t she marry a gay guy once?

GABE:

Soooo pro-gay.

JOSH:

Although she’s been married like,

ten times, so the odds are that one

of them would be, right?

GABEIS NOT AMUSED.

JOSH (CONT’D)

Yeah, it's possible she knows aboutus. She probably knows about mytwitter feed. @ModernValjean? Ever

hear of it? Over 3,000 followers?

Twitter says it’s similar to SteveMartin and Albert Brooks?

BROWSERS - 10/25/12

JOSH (CONT’D)

Penetrating cultural criticismalong with random thoughts about myDad, who’s a dick?

(No one’s heard of it)

You should check it out.

KATE:

Look.

THEY LOOK UP. JULIANNA, 55, GLAMOROUS, ARIANNA HUFFINGTONLIKE,

IS WALKING THROUGH THE BULLPEN, SOCIALIZING, TALKING

LOUDLY AND GENERALLY BEING LARGER THAN LIFE. THERE IS A

SLIGHT TENSION/FEARFULNESS AMONG THE PEOPLE AROUND HER.

PRUDENCE:

She looks younger than in reallife.

KATE:

(Awed)

How do you become that? How do youwind up as her after starting outlike - just to name the firstperson who pops into my head - me?

PRUDENCE:

(Out of nowhere)

Whoa! Wait. Your name is Gabriel

Blackman?

GABE:

Yes.

PRUDENCE:

Like, ‘Gay Black Man?’

GABE:

(He’s heard this before)

Yes.

PRUDENCE:

Do you... do you think that’s why?

JUSTIN:

(Shouting from a doorway)

Hey, everybody? We’re ready. Whydon’t you come in here.

GABE, PRUDENCE AND KATE STAND UP. GABE GLARES AT PRUDENCE.

JOSH LINGERS A SECOND. HE GOOGLED “KATE BLOMQUIST” AND IS

STARING AT HIS PHONE AT THE RESULTS SCREEN, WHICH APPEARS ON

OUR SCREEN FOR A MINUTE. THERE ARE SOME IMAGES - ONE OF HER,

AND A FEW OF ANOTHER ATTRACTIVE WOMAN.

BROWSERS - 10/25/12

JOSH:

(Lustfully)

Hellooo, some other woman named

Kate Blomquist!

INT. - CONFERENCE ROOM

JUSTIN TALKS. THE INTERNS SIT AROUND A COFFEE TABLE.

JUSTIN:

Less than a year ago, I was sitting

exactly where you’re sitting,

although we’ve since replaced the

chairs. I started out as an intern.

Today I am among the five highest-

ranking of Julianna’s six executive

assistants. I’m proof that here at

Gush, talent at any level is

noticed and rewarded. Having said

that, I now need to discuss

“Winnowing Week.”

GABE:

Winnowing week?

JUSTIN:

(Uncomfortably)

So what we do, it’s kind of a

hallowed tradition, “Winnowing

Week”, each new crop of interns, by

the end of the first week, so,

whichever one is not working out

the most, gets fired. Basically.

GABE:

Fired?

JUSTIN:

Well, I guess “fired” is when you

get rid of someone you’re actually

paying. “Let go.” But um... yeah.

GABE:

No.

JUSTIN:

Yeah.

KATE:

Seriously?

JUSTIN:

Seriously.

BROWSERS - 10/25/12

BEAT.

KATE:

Seriously?

JUSTIN:

Look, Julianna believes the

business world can be profoundlyunfair, and her management style,

you know, reflects that.

JOSH:

On what basis are we judged?

JUSTIN:

Just your overall performance thisweek in the things we ask you todo. It’s fair. In that regard.

GABE:

Did you go through it?

JUSTIN:

Yes I did. We had six interns. Theyfired a guy named Evan. Last Iheard he was working at a Quizno’s.

PRUDENCE:

Quizno’s rocks! I love them.

AWKWARD BEAT.

JUSTIN:

Anyway, you’ll always have Gush onyour resumé, so... there’s that.

Now just give me a minute and I’lltake you on a little orientation.

HE EXITS.

JOSH:

Is this for real?

GABE:

This is unconstitutional,

unconscionable...

PRUDENCE:

Uncool.

KATE:

It's not for real. It’s a hoax.

It’s like a freshman hazing thing.

BROWSERS - 10/25/12

JOSH:

Are you sure?

KATE:

Yes, abso-, I’m like, 50% sure.

JOSH:

Cuz I can’t lose this job, man.

This is what’s gonna get me out ofmy Dad’s house.

KATE:

You’re not making any money.

JOSH:

But it literally gets me out of hishouse. I mean, I’m here now, right?

GABE:

I can’t believe Julianna would do

something like this.

KATE:

It’s like that short story TheLottery where all the townspeopledraw lots and pick up rocks andthat woman gets stoned.

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote