Browsers Page #3

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PRUDENCE:

(Paranoid)

What woman got stoned?

KATE:

Hey, Prudence, do you want toborrow some Visine? ‘Cause, you

look like you have, you know...

“allergies”.

SHE OFFERS PRUDENCE VISINE FROM HER PURSE.

PRUDENCE:

Thanks. My allergies are botheringme. Must be the pot!

GABE:

(Privately to JOSH)

Showing up high to your first dayof work?

JOSH:

I know. What a bad Asian.

BROWSERS - 10/25/12

INT. - OFFICE

JUSTIN IS LEADING THE INTERNS THROUGH THE HALLS, POINTING TO

VARIOUS PEOPLE.

JUSTIN:

...so down this little alley is alot of our section editors. That’s

Jason, he’s Politics. Jeannette,

Business... he's Tech... she's

Media... Sports... and usually thatdesk is Women’s Issues, but she’s

out on her lesbian honeymoon.

A PERKY WOMAN PASSES BY.

VICKY:

Hey, Justin.

JUSTIN:

Vicky.

VICKY:

(To interns)

Hi! I’m Vicky, I edit all thecelebrity blogs. We have a lot ofstars with a lot to say who need awhooole lot of help saying it, so-

TOM, ANOTHER STAFFER CALLS TO HER.

TOM:

Vicky, Angelina Jolie’s stopfricking

piece just came in.

VICKY:

You mean “fracking.”

TOM:

Yes I do, and so does she,

probably, but she keeps calling it“fricking”. So why don’t you go fix

it-

VICKY:

Yeah...

TOM:

‘Cause she’s tight with Julianna,

so--

VICKY:

Yeah...

BROWSERS - 10/25/12

TOM:

If you don’t want to end up workingfor Drudge.

VICKY:

I HEARD YOU TOM!

SHE WALKS AWAY BRUSQUELY. TOM SMIRKS AND WALKS AWAY.

JUSTIN:

So let’s head over to your area...

KATE:

(Away from JUSTIN)

I think this is real.

GABE:

I think this is very real.

JOSH:

I think this sh*t just got mad

real.

(GABE stares at him)

I said that with mocking self-

irony.

INT. - COMPUTER SCREEN

A FF OF THE GUSH HOME-PAGE. WE TOUR IT ALONG WITH THE

INTERNS.

JUSTIN (V.O.)

Gush.com is the largest content

aggregator on the web. We have 24

content areas with 82 separatesubsections covering everythingfrom politics to entertainment toNew York to Latino voices to our

latest, “mindful living,” which Idon’t know what the hell that is.

It’s a beast, and feeding thatbeast takes a lot of material, and

that takes a lot of coffee runs and

a lot of browsing...

JUSTIN (O.C.)

And both of those are where youcome in. A lot of what we'll be

asking you to do is search the webfor stuff we can repurpose.

KATE:

You mean cut-and-paste?

BROWSERS - 10/25/12

JUSTIN:

No, repurpose. In fact around here

we like to think of the stuff we

find as pre-purposed. By the end ofthe day I want a list of fortylinks we would have never found

without you. Quirky, heartbreaking,

scandalous, heroic, tragic... allthat good stuff.

JULIANNA (O.C.)

Justin!

JUSTIN:

Yes?

JULIANNA APPROACHES JUSTIN. THE INTERNS ARE IN AWE. WE HEAR

FOR THE FIRST TIME HER UNTRACEABLE ACCENT.

JULIANNA:

Push my Amy Winslow lunch back an

hour.

JUSTIN:

Alright.

JULIANNA:

I like that shirt on you.

JUSTIN:

Thank you.

JULIANNA:

You heard about the massacre in

Peru?

JUSTIN:

Awful.

JULIANNA:

But the Knicks trade, eh?

JUSTIN:

Smart move.

JULIANNA:

I agree.

(Without looking)

The new interns?

JUSTIN:

Yes.

BROWSERS - 10/25/12

JULIANNA:

(Ominously)

Plus one, right?

JUSTIN:

Ummm, yeah.

SHE TURNS TO THEM AND SIZES THEM UP.

JULIANNA:

A hearty welcome to Eeny, Meenieand Minie. Soon, we will choose our

Moe.

(Back to JUSTIN)

Come with me.

(They start walking away)

You saw the new “mindful living”

page?

JUSTIN:

Looks amazing.

THE INTERNS ARE STUNNED.

PRUDENCE:

(Paranoid)

Sh*t sh*t sh*t.

SHE FRANTICALLY DROPS MORE VISINE IN HER EYES.

JOSH:

Wowzers browsers.

KATE:

Well said.

GABE:

And she’s having lunch with AmyWinslow?

KATE:

She’s the conservative columnist?

GABE:

She’s everything awful about theright-wing. A bigoted homophobe.

And they’re having lunch. Charming.

JOSH:

I can't blow this, man! How would I

tweet my followers?!?

BROWSERS - 10/25/12

KATE:

Look, there's noting we can doabout it, ok? Let's just try tocalm down and do our jobs.

THEY TURN TO THEIR COMPUTERS.

KATE (CONTINUED)

So where are you from, Prudence?

PRUDENCE:

(Suddenly focused)

L.A.

KATE:

I’m from Providence. It’s a nice

city. Kinda has an inferiority

complex with Boston. I always sayin my standup act, 'cause I do a

little standup, that Providence is

to Boston what Boston is to New

York. It’s-

PRUDENCE CAN NO LONGER HEAR HER. SHE HAS EXPENSIVE HEADPHONES

ON. SHE IS STARING TRANCE-LIKE AT THE COMPUTER.

KATE (CONT’D)

Y’ello?

WE NOW SEE PRUDENCE IS A SAVANT WHEN IT COMES TO BROWSING. A

RAPID-FIRE PSEUDO-PSYCHEDELIC MONTAGE OF THE VARIOUS VIRAL

VIDEOS SHE WATCHES WHILE TYPING, CLICKING, LINKING, AND

CUTTING-AND-PASTING WEB ADDRESSES ONTO HER ‘NOTES’ PAGE. HER

EARPHONES PLAY THIS TECHNO SONG:

PRUDENCE (V.O.)

Everywhere I look I see a chipmunk on a

waterski.

Everywhere I look I see a fat kid dance

amusingly.

Then I send it out to you; that’s what I

was born to do.

Everywhere I look I find a virus to

invade your mind.

Goin' viral. Goin' viral.

Time falls into a spiral.

Goin' viral. Goin' viral.

Puttin’ worms inside your brain.

Goin' viral…

GABE, JOSH AND KATE ARE WATCHING HER AMAZED.

BROWSERS - 10/25/12

GABE:

That’s some epic browsing rightthere.

JOSH:

(Tapping her shoulder)

Prudence? Sorry to interrupt, butwe were watching you. You’reamazing.

KATE:

A privilege.

PRUDENCE:

Thank you.

(Emboldened)

You know that video “Monkey andBaby Sing Bieber Medley”?

GABE:

Of course.

JOSH:

Who doesn’t?

PRUDENCE:

I discovered that.

JOSH:

I thought that broke on “Tosh.0”.

PRUDENCE:

Yeah... after I sent it to him.

JOSH IS IN LOVE. A TWEET FROM @MODERNVALJEAN APPEARS ON THE

SCREEN ROUGHLY WHERE A THOUGHT BUBBLE WOULD BE: "CHICKS WHO

RUMMAGE THROUGH THE DETRITUS OF DISPOSABLE POP CULTURE ARE

HOT."

END OF ACT ONE:

BROWSERS - 10/25/12

ACT TWO:

INT. DELI - LUNCH

KATE IS SIMULTANEOUSLY WOLFING DOWN A SANDWICH, READING THE

NEW YORK TIMES AND TEXTING. HER PHONE APPEARS IN THE LOWER

LEFT PART OF THE SCREEN; WE CAN SEE (IF WE PAUSE THE SHOW)

THE TEXT CONVERSATION SHE’S BEEN HAVING WITH “MOM”,

EXPRESSING HER ANXIETY ABOUT WINNOWING WEEK: IS IT REAL? DOES

IT MAKE ANY SENSE? HER MOM’S LATEST REPLY COMES IN: “YOU CAN

ALWAYS BACK COME TO ST. LOUIS!!! :-)” KATE SHUDDERS.

JUSTIN (O.S.)

Newspaper? Old school!

HE STANDS OVER HER. THE PHONE SCREEN INSTANTLY DISAPPEARS.

JUSTIN (CONT’D)

Mind if I sit down?

KATE:

Go ahead.

JUSTIN:

I just wanted to tell you, thatvideo you submitted with yourapplication was unbelievable.

KATE:

Oh God. You know I wondered if that

had something to do with gettingthis.

JUSTIN:

I've watched it five times. In

fact...

HE HAS TAKEN OUT HIS IPAD AND NOW PLAYS THE BEGINNING OF THE

VIDEO. KATE IS DRESSED AND MADE UP EXACTLY LIKE JULIANNA AND

DOES A PERFECT IMITATION OF HER. CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS.

KATE ON IPAD:

...and another reason I’m going tohire this beautiful, vibrant woman

Kate Blomquist is that she is theabsolute Zeit-est of all the Geists

I have ever met. As an intern she-

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