Browsers Page #4

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JUSTIN:

How did you know she uses the word“Zeitgeist,” like, constantly?

BROWSERS - 10/25/12

KATE:

(Embarrassed)

I saw her use it an interview once.

JUSTIN:

I mean, we saw lots of better

resumés, but that just floored me.

You got a pair on you, man.

KATE:

Balls, I assume.

JUSTIN:

Yes. ‘Tits’ would be harassment.

You know, we’re starting a newthing where we take cool segmentsfrom local news shows and

recontextualize them for Gush with

post-produced intros and bumps.

KATE:

OK...

JUSTIN:

My point is we’re going to berecruiting people from in house,

and you’re someone who clearly hassome on-air charisma, so... Just

something to think about for thefuture.

KATE:

What future? I might not last theweek, right?

JUSTIN:

Right. I hope you do though.

AWKWARD BUT PREGNANT BEAT.

JUSTIN:

Speaking of which, you should-

KATE:

(Stands up)

Yup.

JUSTIN:

‘Cause Gabe and Josh are both veryimpressive, and Prudence is-

KATE:

I know. She’s like the Mozart of

sitting there.

BROWSERS - 10/25/12

INT. - BULLPEN - LATER

JOSH IS STRESSED OUT. ON A CORNER OF HIS SCREEN IS A LIST OF

SIX SITES HE’S FOUND. NUMBERS 7-20 ARE BLANK. HE LOOKS LEFT

AT PRUDENCE. SHE IS PLAYING PLANTS VS. ZOMBIES.

JOSH:

You’re done already?

PRUDENCE:

Yeah... I can help you as soon as Imulch this zombie.

JOSH:

(Nervous)

No no, thanks, I’m good.

HE TURNS TO THE RIGHT TO CATCH GABE LOOKING UP IN TRIUMPH.

JOSH (CONT’D)

How’s your trollin’ goin’?

GABE:

Good. I found video of a protestlast week at Occupy Tahiti.

JOSH:

Isn’t that old news?

GABE:

Not on Tahiti, I guess. Check it

out.

INSERT:

ON HIS SCREEN WE SEE YOUTUBE VIDEO OF SIX SCRUFFY MEN IN

GRASS SKIRTS ON A TROPICAL BEACH, LOOKING SLIGHTLY UNHAPPY.

JOSH:

They don’t seem that unhappy.

GABE:

For Tahiti that’s miserable. This

could go on Politics, Economy,

Travel...

JOSH:

(Threatened)

Oh yeah, well check this out: Myfriend’s the manager for The BareMinimum and he just tweeted they’reposting their new video tonight.

I'm gonna go tell the music editor.

BROWSERS - 10/25/12

GABE:

Justin said save it for the end of

the day.

JOSH:

Hey, if I wait ‘til the end of the

day it won’t be a scoop. The 24hour

news cycle:
‘Tsall about the

scoops!

JUSTIN APPROACHES.

JUSTIN:

Hey Gabe, I need you to do aStarbucks run for Amy Winslow.

She’ll be here in ten minutes.

Here’s her order. Just leave it

Conference Room C when you’re done.

Petty cash is at reception.

HE WALKS AWAY. GABE IS NOT HAPPY.

GABE:

F*** man, I didn’t take this

position to get a gay-baiting rageaholic

an...

(Checks order)

Iced venti.

KATE:

What are you gonna do?

GABE:

I refuse to contribute to her rage.

KATE:

Don't do anything stupid.

GABE:

I'm gonna make it a decaf.

PRUDENCE:

Nice!

CUT TO:

JOSH IS SHOWING A ROCK VIDEO ON THE COMPUTER SCREEN OF

CASSIE, A HIP WOMAN IN HER LATE 20S. JOSH STANDS BEHIND HER,

NERVOUS, DESPERATE FOR HER APPROVAL.

CASSIE:

Nah, it’s nothing.

BROWSERS - 10/25/12

JOSH:

(Stunned)

Why?

CASSIE:

I know The Bare Minimum. They existin a musical netherworld between

emo and ska. And the video is eh.

JOSH:

But to college kids, they’re, like,

a totem of coolness, kind of what

Sigur Rós was in the early

aughts...

CASSIE:

But I wouldn’t know that because

I’m 28, which is ancient, right? Isthat what you’re saying?

JOSH:

No...

CASSIE:

Oh. So it’s not an age thing, I’mjust generally out of touch withwhat’s cool?

JOSH:

No...

CASSIE:

OK. Well, thanks for stopping by.

JOSH:

(Desperate)

You’re cool to me.

CASSIE:

Yes. I am cool to you.

SHE “COOLLY” TURNS BACK AROUND. JOSH SKULKS AWAY.

CUT TO:

HE RETURNS TO HIS CUBICLE SEAT, SAD AND MAD.

KATE:

How did it go?

AFTER A MOMENT JOSH HAS AN IDEA. HE SMILES, PULLS OUT HIS

CELLPHONE AND BEGINS TYPING INTO IT.

BROWSERS - 10/25/12

PRUDENCE:

What are you doing?

JOSH:

Here, I'll show you.

WITH A FLOURISH HE HITS “SEND” ON HIS PHONE. THE TWEET HE

JUST SENT FROM HIS TWITTER HANDLE, @MODERNVALJEAN: “#GUSH

MUSIC:
WHERE COOL GOES TO REACH ROOM TEMPERATURE.” HE

CHUCKLES TO HIMSELF AS HE SHOWS PRUDENCE.

JOSH (CONT’D)

Score another one for

@ModernValjean.

HE GETS VERY EXCITED AND DIVES INTO A FANTASY...

CUT TO:

WE SPEND THE NEXT MINUTE IN AN IMAGINARY STYLIZED ROCK VIDEO

IN WHICH JOSH LOOKS AND ACTS LIKE A REBEL ROCK ‘N’ ROLL STAR.

AT FIRST HE STARS IN A “DRAMATIC RECREATION” OF HIS ENCOUNTER

WITH CASSIE, PLAYED BY SOMEONE LIKE BLAKE LIVELY. SHE MIMES

SCREAMING AT HIM.

JOSH (CONT’D)

I won’t ever let the man -Or

in this case, a woman who’s the man -Point

is, I won’t ever let her kill myvoice.

JOSH, BROODING, RETURNS TO THE “BULLPEN,” WHERE KATE, GABE

AND PRUDENCE LOOK AT HIM EXPECTANTLY. HE OPENS A GUITAR CASE

AND PULLS OUT... A CELLPHONE. THE OTHER THREE CHEER.

JOSH (CONT’D)

‘Cause when she treats me like some rock

that she can step on,

I pick up my weap-on of choice.

JOSH NOW IS THE LEAD SINGER IN THE BARE MINIMUM (OR WHATEVERACTUAL BAND WE CAN GET). HE IS PLAYING BEFORE A PACKED CROWD.

JOSH (CONT’D)

‘Cause when I tweet, I'm free!

Free to let these fingers fight the

powers that be!

Free to set the world to right with all

the truth I can express

In 140 characters or less!

I rock my freshman roommate!

A NERDY GUY JOSH’S AGE PUMPS HIS FIST INTO THE AIR.

BROWSERS - 10/25/12

JOSH (CONT’D)

I grok my cousin Sue!

A 13-YEAR-OLD GIRL SMILES, REVEALING BRACES.

JOSH (CONT’D)

I shine the light of truth

On velvethippo22!

OBESE GUY IN CROWD

That’s me!

THE CROWD WAVES IN UNISON, HOLDING THEIR CELL PHONES UP IN

THE AIR IN ONE HAND AND TEXTING INTO THEM WITH THE OTHER.

JOSH:

My three thousand some-odd followersSpread word of what I've done!

PRUDENCE ENTERS, BACKLIT AND SUDDENLY BEAUTIFUL, FROM THE

BACK OF THE HOUSE, HOLDING HER CELLPHONE.

PRUDENCE:

Correction - three-thousand some-odd one!

JOSH SUMMONS HER UP AND LEADS THE CROWD IN A SING-ALONG.

JOSH:

When I tweet...

CROWD:

When you tweet...

JOSH:

My problems end!

CROWD:

Your problems end!

JOSH:

They all melt away the moment I hit send!

CROWD:

That very moment!

AN UNSEEN VOICE IN THE CROWD HAS STARTED SHOUTING.

GABE (O.S.)

That’s not true! That’s a total

lie!

JOSH LOOKS DOWN AT THE FRONT ROW, WHERE GABE IS ARGUING WITH

AMY WINSLOW. IT’S THE INTRUSION OF REALITY INTO HIS FANTASY.

BROWSERS - 10/25/12

JOSH:

Oh, not now! I’m heading into thekey change!

INT. - BULLPEN

JOSH WAKES UP FROM HIS REVERIE TO FIND GABE IN A SHOUTING

MATCH WITH AMY WINSLOW, A VERY THIN ANN COULTER-LIKE BLONDE.

HER WHITE DRESS HAS A LARGE COFFEE STAIN ON IT. JUSTIN STANDS

BETWEEN THEM. OTHER PEOPLE NEARBY WATCH.

GABE:

That’s not true at all!

AMY:

Justin, I was in the elevator when

this young liberal-

GABE:

My name is Gabe!

AMY:

--said he recognized me, that hehated what I stood for, that “he

had a coffee for me, and here it

was!”, and then boom! He tosses it

right on my blouse. Thank God itwas iced.

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