Bruno & Boots: Go Jump in the Pool Page #3

that doesn't involve

breaking the law?

Or destroying another school.

Or llamas.

Okay, um, remember when I said

there are no bad ideas? Yeah--

Your problem

isn't Boots leaving.

Your problem is convincing

his folks to let him stay.

So what makes

a York better than the Hall?

Nothing.

Yeah.

Except for Pizzaroo Pouches.

And their pool.

I kinda wish we had that.

Wilbur! That's it!

We're gonna get

Pizzaroo Pouches?!

No, we steal

York's pool! Right?

The question, okay?

How do we convince Boots'

jock parents to let him stay

at the Hall? The answer:

by giving him

everything a jock needs,

including his own pool.

Chris, dude,

you're an inspiration

to artists everywhere.

All right, Elmer,

what's the cost?

Materials, labor,

insurance, water costs...

150,000.

Dollars?!

Boys, how are we supposed to

make that kind of money?

It's easy.

Okay, Wilbur, take this down.

Needed:
$150,000.

Okay, well, now all

we need is a plan.

Oh, well, yeah. When you put it

like that, basically half done.

That's the spirit.

Now, Boots. What would

make your parents

almost as happy

as us getting a pool?

Oh, you mean besides me

getting a new roommate?

By you winning the next

York Academy-Macdonald Hall

swim meet.

Oh, perfect, okay.

Quick question:

how am I supposed to do the

thing that nobody's been able

to do in the last... oh, what

is it? I don't know... ever?

Dude, because you're awesome.

And you know how I know that?

Because I am awesome.

And awesome sticks to awesome

to make even awesomer to...

Plus, if you don't,

by this time next year you're

going to be sharing some dorm

with a meathead named Crusher

who probably smells

like sweat socks and cheese,

so...

balanced?

How do you get me

every time, man?

I am just that good.

Okay, next.

Read me that checklist.

Needed:
$150,000.

Why would my family

just give you $150,000?

Uh, because I said please?

No, you didn't.

Right. Well...

how about because your family

is one of the richest

in the country?

Do you think they

got that wealthy by

giving out money to stupid

things like swimming pools?

Didn't your dad buy Iceland?

No! Just rented it.

And only for Mother's Day.

You wanna make

a lot of money, Bruno?

Here's my advice.

Take everything you own

and sell it.

With the 20 bucks you get,

go downtown and

buy yourself a clue.

That's it!

George!

Oh, no! Do not touch me.

You're a genius.

Naiman! You press that tie.

Three demerits.

Yeah.

So that's it? We're just done,

there's no more team anymore?

Boys? What's up?

"Dear boys.

"I always said having fun

mattered more than winning.

"Well, I've had so much

fun with you guys

"that I've decided to try

winning on for size.

"I have accepted

a position at York Academy.

Yours, Coach Flynn."

Are you serious?

I guess we should just go.

Hey, come on, boys.

Where are you going?

We have no coach.

What else are we gonna do?

Guys. If I don't win

this next swim meet,

I'm gonna be stuck with Crusher.

And I hate cheese.

What?

We wanna win our next

swim meet, right?

I was kind of hoping

to learn how to swim first.

We'll work on that. You know,

uh, I'll be the coach.

Okay? I'll run the training.

We'll win.

Who's with me?

I like the sound of that!

By yelling,

he makes it sound possible.

Let's do this!

Yeah!

Rummage sale, boys!

With all the stuff we have,

we're gonna make this money

in no time, okay?

But everything must go!

Okay, okay, okay,

let's see what you got.

So okay,

hockey cards are nice--

Ooh-- But, see, hockey

equipment is nicer, right?

Think big!

Okay, see, you don't

need this lamp, dude.

Just sell it, right? Got that?

Doesn't that belong

to the school?

Well, yeah, but the money we

raise is for the school. Right?

True.

Right.

Now, who has a spare kidney?

Bruno! Bruno!

All right. So I got my Junior

Genius Science Set,

my old protractors-- Whoa.

New protractor.

Great, Elmer.

Now, do you have anything people

might actually want?

Yes, if they don't mind

pre-owned orthodontia.

Burton!

Walton.

What's this I hear

about a rummage sale?

Oh, everything must go.

Do you want in?

Well, what's in it for us?

Uh... glory,

our deepest thanks,

um, a used retainer.

Goodbye, Walton.

And-- And...

free access to the pool

for all the Scrimmage girls.

At any time.

We need everything

by next weekend.

Does that give

you enough time?

No problem.

We're in independent learning.

"Traps Through the Ages."

My idea.

Geeze.

Do you guys ever do

any actual schoolwork?

Scrimmage believes

in learning through living.

I'm dancing my geometry

test next week.

Jealous?

Totally.

Later, Burton.

Elmer?

Do you still have that ant farm

from Operation, uh...

Ant Blaster?

Only 17 unaccounted for.

Good. Here's what

I'm thinking.

Ants. Why pay

to have them removed

when you can just pay

to have them as your pets?

I'll get some jars.

I see you've tidied.

How's the swim team?

Ugh, don't ask.

Hey, is The Fish gonna be okay

with all this--?

Is that a bag of doorknobs?

What are you--?

It is a bag of victory.

Never mind that.

Check this out.

It's the official website

of the Boots O'Neal fan club.

Chris designed it

and of course, I wrote it.

It's pretty awesome, huh?

Yeah, pretty ridiculous.

Who's that even for?

Uh, well, fans.

Future stalkers...

Oh, and I don't know,

maybe a certain set of parents

who need to be reminded

of how awesome their son is?

They're jocks. Not idiots.

There's no way they're going

to believe I said all this.

Why not? You wouldn't say

anything that isn't true.

Yeah, but I'm not

writing it. You are.

Yeah, I'm your best friend.

Who knows better

what you would say?

Yeah, but...

You really are something, man.

Glad you noticed.

How many n's in "winningocity"?

Winn-ing... Three?

By McKinsey's beard...

That is right, folks,

everything must go!

Where did that--

You don't like the offer?

We will give you a completely

different offer.

Everything must go.

And no jar of ants

would be complete

without our

trusty how-to guides.

And if you lose your ants,

we've got that covered too.

All right.

Bidding starts at $15.

Okay, $10.

Okay, five bucks, guys.

We're getting desperate here.

Twenty bucks or best offer!

Look at you!

Shakespeare's typewriter?

One of a kind.

People, I still

see stuff on tables.

I still see tables.

You want one?

Take it. Give us an offer

and we'll make you a deal.

Everything must go--

Down here. Right now.

This instant.

I'll handle this.

Mr. Sturgeon.

Great to see you.

Thank you for coming.

Do you know how much money

we've made for the pool?

What? What are you talking

about? What money, what pool?

Who gave you permission

to do this?

Mr. Sturgeon, let's be honest.

If I asked you for permission

to hold this rummage sale

on school property,

wouldn't you have said no?

Absolutely.

See? So obviously I made the

right choice not to tell you.

Well, well, Sturgeon.

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