Buck Privates Page #4

before I even wrote it.

Army service.

Oh, I get it.

Nothing personal, huh?

I'll let you know

about that one later.

There's one thing you

could tell me right now.

Have you seen any more of my

ex-boss, if you know what I mean?

Uh-huh, I know what you

mean. I haven't seen him.

And I don't

intend to.

You don't know

that man like I do.

He'll be around.

But so will I.

Woman:

Oh, Judy.

You certainly get

the cute ones.

Miss Durling

wants to see you.

Thanks, honey.

Miss Gray, this is

Private Randolph Parker.

How do you do,

Miss Gray?

- I'm very anxious to meet you.

- How do you do?

Mr. Parker saw you in

the recreation hall tonight

and asked for

a formal introduction.

Yes, you see

I'm new around here

and I don't make friends

very easily.

So I thought if Miss

Durling could spare you,

you might

show me around.

You don't know

your way around?

Not in

this neighborhood.

Now run along,

you two.

- Take good care of her, Randolph.

- I'll do my best.

And thank you,

more than you know.

- I had to see you...

- This is the main recreation hall.

Soda, soft drinks and ice cream

may be purchased at the fountain

as well as candy, cigarettes,

cigars and razor blades.

- Look, Judy...

- In the reading room you'll find

the latest copies

of all magazines

as well as a carefully

selected library.

The post office is the

first building to the west.

- Which way is west?

- That way.

You go out

this door and turn...

Oh, I'd never

find that.

A Yale man.

There's the post office.

You can see it from here.

How about forgetting what

happened on the train?

What happened

on the train?

It's all your own

fault you know.

- My fault?

- Certainly.

Five double malts.

Why don't you order another and

make it and even half a dozen.

- I don't want to make a pig out of myself.

- Herbie.

Yes, Corporal?

Whoever touches the heads

of those double malts

dies like a dog... unquote.

Ask any man if he'd pass

up a chance to kiss you?

Nonsense.

I'll prove it to you.

Hey, soldier.

- Private Parker?

- Yes?

Captain Williams wants

to see you right away.

- Oh, excuse me.

- That's fine.

Maybe he's heard from the

old man. I'd better go.

- Of course.

- Wait here. I'll be right back.

Okay, Corp,

she's all yours.

Thanks, pal.

I think you'll find it

on the first shelf.

You may not know it,

but you've just been rescued.

What do you mean?

Captain doesn't want to see

Parker, but I want to see you.

Oh, I get it.

The old army game.

Hiya, neighbor.

How you feeling?

- Not a penny.

- Aw, now come on.

Herbie, did I ask you

for any money?

You've got that

look in your eye.

You cleaned me out in

that crap game, didn't you?

- You gave me a lesson, that's all I know.

- Do me a favor, loan me $50.

- Smitty, I can't. I can't lend you $50.

- Yes you can.

- No I can't. All I've got is $40.

- Give me the $40 and you owe me 10.

- Okay, I owe you 10.

- That's right.

How come

I owe you 10?

- What did I ask you for?

- 50.

- And how much did you give me?

- 40.

- So you owe me $10.

- That's right.

- You owe me 40.

- Don't change the subject.

I'm not changing the subject.

You're trying to change my finances.

Come on.

Give me my $40.

All right,

there's your $40.

- Now give me the $10 you owe me.

- I'm paying you on account.

- On account?

- On account I don't know how I owe it to you.

If that's the way you feel, it's the

last time I'll ever ask you for $50.

Wait a minute, Smitty.

How can I owe you $50 now?

- All I have is 30.

- Give me the 30 and you owe me 20.

This is getting worse

all the time.

First I owe him 10,

now I owe him 20.

Why do you run yourself into debt?

I'm not running in.

You're pushing me.

I can't help it if you

can't handle your finances.

- I do all right with my money.

- And you're doing all right with mine, too.

Wait a minute, I asked you

for $50, you gave me 30.

So you owe me $20 dollars.

20 and 30 is 50.

No, no, no.

25 and 25 is 50.

All right,

here's your $30.

Give me back

the 20 you owe me.

Fine guy...

won't loan a pal $50.

How can I loan you 50?

All I've got now is 10.

To show you that I'm your

pal, you want to double that?

Go ahead.

See you later.

I don't want that kind of

money. On the up and up, hold it.

Now take a number. Any

number at all from one to 10.

- Don't tell me.

- I got it.

- Is the number odd or even?

- Even.

- Is the number between one and three?

- No.

- Between three and five?

- No.

I think I got him.

- Between five and seven?

- Yeah.

- Number six.

- Right.

How did he do that?

Mmmmmm!

- See how I rolled that pack?

- Very neatly.

Some of you men have been

getting away with murder.

Brown...

let me see

you do it.

- Ain't this a fine thing for the army to give anybody?

- What's the matter?

By the time you get this thing rolled

and packed, you'd be too tired to fight.

- Snap into it, Brown.

- It's mutiny.

- How can you be so stupid?

- Oh, that just comes to me natural.

Goodbye, boys,

It's been nice knowing you.

Parker, where do you

think you're going?

I just saw my father

drive in, I thought I'd...

Never mind about that.

You stay here

until the instruction

period's over.

All right, Brown,

on his back now.

On his back.

No, not you,

you idiot!

The pack. Put the pack on his back.

I thought we were going to play piggy-back.

I haven't played since I was a kid.

- You're still a kid.

- I'm playing now.

Come on,

get it on.

You've got more left hands

than an entire company.

- That's good, huh?

- Quiet.

I'll pick it up later, kid.

I'll put it in my own pocket.

- Get up there.

- Give him a hand, Smith.

You know what he said.

Give me a hand.

Give him

a hand!

Oh, hello. What are you doing tonight?

You imbecile. Get your

silly carcass off of me.

Sergeant Collins.

I'll attend

to you later.

- What's cookin', Sarge?

- Get out of here!

Private Parker!

Report to brigade

headquarters, immediately.

Thanks, Sergeant.

Well, boys,

looks like this is it.

All right, Mr. Parker. We'll

try to see things your way.

Private Parker

reporting, sir.

- Captain Williams ordered me to report to you.

- At ease.

- Hello, Dad.

- Hello, son.

You're looking better

than your letters intimated.

I feel fine, but I thought

you'd forgotten about me.

Your mother didn't

give me a chance.

I came down here

as soon as I could.

Did you fix

everything up?

I had a little difficulty,

but everything's arranged.

That's fine.

- Why don't you take a look around while I get out of my uniform?

- I can't.

Why not?

'Cause I have to return

to Washington at once.

Because you're not

getting out of that uniform.

Dad, you just said...

That I'd just fixed

everything up. Well, I have.

It seems that your father

has a little more respect

for army life and army

institutions than you have, Parker.

We were quite ready to cooperate

with the Washington authorities...

But I talked them

out of it.

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