Buck Privates Page #5

This camp may be short of sport

roadsters and chorus girls,

but it's excellently equipped

to make a man out of a playboy.

You're going to stay here

the full year...

and like it.

I'll be with you

In apple blossom time

Mmm-mmmm

I'll be with you

To change your name

to mine

Maybe one day

In May

I'll come and say

Happy the bride

That the sun

shines on today

Andrews Sisters:

What a wonderful wedding

There will be

What a wonderful day

For you and me

Church bells will chime

You will be mine

In apple...

Blossom time

I'll be with you

In apple blossom time

Chorus:

Then what will you do?

Then I'll be with you

To change your name

to mine

Men and women:

When will that be?

One day,

maybe in May

Men and women:

Then what will you do?

I'll come and say

to you, dear

Happy the bride

That the sun

shines on today

Andrews Sisters:

Then what...

A wonderful wedding

There will be

One day in May

What a very very

wonderful day

For you and me, dear

Church bells will chime

You will be mine

Maxene, LaVerne:

When?

In apple...

In apple blossom time.

Did I remember to say

thanks for keeping this date?

Mere curiosity.

- Curiosity?

- Uh-huh.

Why a certain soldier

decided to stay in the army...

that's gossip item

number one in camp.

Maybe he wanted

to be near you.

Of course.

It couldn't be

because the army

might do him some good.

What good?

My dad had some pretty

fair ideas about that.

He was a captain

in the fighting 69th.

I remember mother

telling me

how he always believed that

army life changed boys into men.

He always said it was the great leveler.

It doesn't care how much a man

has in the bank or how little.

All the army cares about is

how much of a man a man can be.

You're wasting your breath on him, Judy.

The captain wants

to see you at once.

Very funny. Tell him I

can't make it right now.

And on your way,

soldier.

Oh, no, this is as far as I go.

I said on your way!

I said this is

as far as I go.

All right, we'll just have to

pretend that you're not here.

Now then, Judy, about Sunday. How

do you think we should start our day?

Judy's promised to spend

her day off with me.

Why don't we let Judy

decide about that?

Martin, did you tell Parker

the captain wanted to see him?

- I did, Sergeant.

- What are you waiting for, an engraved invitation?

- I thought he was kidding.

- You get on over there.

Captain's been waiting so long

he's got corns on his hips.

Okay, Sarge.

Goodbye, Judy.

- And you, Martin.

- Yes, Sergeant?

That bed of yours looks like a

goat's nest. And your pillow...

What have you been doing,

picking a chicken?

- I left it in order.

- I suppose somebody else messed it up.

- Somebody did...

- You'll straighten it out. Now get going.

- Judy, I'll...

- Get going, soldier.

Don't tell me he needs a valet

to keep his things in order.

As a matter of fact,

he's rather neat about it.

It took me every bit of 10

minutes to scramble it up.

Say...

by the way,

isn't Sunday

your day off?

Oh, why, Sergeant?

One, two,

three, four.

Detail,

halt!

Get back there.

You first four men,

right face!

Forward, march!

Detail, halt!

Left face!

Order arms!

Ohh.

You four men are undoubtedly

the dumbest numbskulls

I've ever had the misfortune

of drilling. Private Smith,

fall out. Smith, you seem to

know what this is all about.

I want you

to take over these men,

drill them for half an

hour and see if you can

sweat some sense into them.

I'm exhausted.

The rest of you men,

follow me.

Forward, march!

Dick, put my gun

in the rack.

Attention!

- Never mind that.

- That's my pal.

- Big man, he's a captain.

- Wipe that smile off your face.

Wipe it off!

- Uhh...

- Quiet!

Quiet!

What are you doing?

- Talking to myself.

- Well, don't talk so loud!

- I've got to hear what I've got to say.

- Quiet!

- Count off.

- One...

- Two...

- Three, four...

- Bingo!

- You behave yourself! Do you understand?!

I won't warn you again.

Get your chins up!

Get your chest out!

Throw out your chest!

Get your chest out!

Throw it out!

- I'm not through with it yet.

- Quiet.

Right shoulder,

arms!

- Whoop!

- Come on.

- Pick it up.

- I thought I had it.

- Pick it up!

- All right!

- Come on, snap into it.

- What's the matter, big man now?

- Quiet!

- Okay, okay.

- Order, arms!

- I'll have a cap pistol.

You keep quiet!

I won't warn you again!

- All right.

- All right.

- Pick on somebody else.

- Quiet!

Right shoulder,

arms!

I said right shoulder, arms.

That's your left shoulder.

- I'm left handed.

- Get it over!

It feels better

over here.

Get it over there!

Get it over there!

Left shoulder, arms.

Right shoulder, arms.

Why don't you

make up your mind?

Get back there.

Come on!

- Right shoulder, arms. Left shoulder, arms...

- Quiet!

Do as you're told!

Order arms.

- Left shoulder, arms. Left shoulder, arms.

- Quiet!

Present, arms!

Come on,

I don't want it.

I don't want it!

- You want it?

- Put it up there?

Get it up!

Right face!

Come on,

come on.

Left face.

Turn with the rest of 'em!

That guy hit me!

Turn with the rest of them! Pick it up!

Right face!

Oh, come on!

Left face.

Pick up that gun.

Do as you're told. Turn

with the rest of them.

Pick it up!

Right face!

Right face!

Forward, march!

Halt! Halt!

Halt!

- Where are you going?

- I don't know.

You don't know?

Well, find out.

- Now get with it!

- What time?

None of your business.

About face!

Forward, march!

- Hi, fellas.

- Halt! Halt!

You guys are going

the wrong way.

Will you get

in line here!

I don't know. You got

me in this mess, brother.

Right face.

Forward, march.

Halt!

Right face.

Forward, march.

Halt!

Right face.

Forward march.

Halt!

Get a load of this.

Left, face!

Ah, gently.

Right face!

Right face!

Whew! What a time we had with them three.

Forward, march.

Herbie:
My feet are killing me.

Mmmm, and do

these shoes hurt.

Well, no wonder. Look

what you've got in them.

How do you like that. And I

thought I had fallen arches.

- Boy, am I dumb.

- You are dumb.

And to prove to you

how dumb you really are,

suppose you had $5

in this pants pocket

and $10 in this pants

pocket. What would you have?

- The captain's pants on.

- There you are, you see...

What are you asking me

those kind of questions for?

- Why don't you ask me a nice easy one?

- All right.

- Ask me something about that big.

- Will you answer it?

All right,

say you're 40 years old...

- Who's 40?

- I mean just suppose...

If I was 40 years old, I wouldn't

be bathing my feet here in the water.

I wouldn't be in the army.

After all, I took my uncle's advice.

My uncle told me,

"Herbie, you go in the army. "

- What uncle?

- Uncle Sam.

- All right...

- He's my uncle, your uncle.

He's everybody's uncle

in the army.

- I understand.

- He's the only relative I've got.

- I like my Uncle Sam.

- We all do.

Answer this question.

You're 40 years old

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