Buck Privates Page #6

and you're in love with a

little girl say 10 years old.

This one's going

to be a pip.

- Wait till I finish. - Now I'm

going around with a 10-year-old girl.

- Wait a minute.

- You've got a good idea where I'm going to wind up.

You're 40 and in love with this

little girl that's 10 years old.

Now, you're four times

as old as that girl.

- You couldn't marry her.

- Not unless I come from the mountains.

- There you go...

- Why don't you ask me...?

Wait till I finish this.

You're 40, she's 10.

You're four times

as old as that girl.

You couldn't marry her,

so you wait five years.

Now the little girl

is 15, you're 45.

You're only three times

as old as that little girl.

So you wait

15 years more.

Now the little girl

is 30, you're 60.

You're only twice as old

as that little girl.

- She's catching up.

- Well, yes, yes.

Now here's the question,

how long do you have to wait

before you and that little

girl are the same age?

Well?

What kind of question

is that?

- Answer the question.

- That's ridiculous.

- What's ridiculous?

- If I keep waiting she'll pass me up.

- What are you talking about?

- She'll wind up older than I am.

- Then she'll have to wait for me.

- Why should she wait for you?

- I was nice enough to wait for her.

- Aw, go to bed.

Girl don't want to marry me,

she don't have to marry me.

- That's silliness.

- I like her, I'll marry her.

Wait a minute, where are you

putting that water?!

- Throw it out.

- Brown, Smitty...

You! You,

I'll strangle you!

I'm a bad boy.

Man:

Ready, aim...

fire.

- Nice shooting.

- Nice shooting, fellas.

Soldier:

Boy, that's swell.

Great shooting, Parker.

Great shooting.

Here, keep this

and have it framed.

What for? It isn't half as

tough as a round of skeet.

It's a shame. He's just

as good as he thinks he is.

He's plenty good

with a gun all right.

You're not

so bad yourself.

Man:
Fire!

- How're the men doing, Sergeant?

- First in the regiment.

Oh yeah, I've got some

Tennessee boys in my company

that can shoot the spots out of

the five of spades at 300 yards.

You call

that shooting?

Why, our boys

at 500 yards

can shuffle

a deck of cards

Maybe we can cook up

a five-man match.

Any day.

Well, boys,

our fortunes are made.

Every dime of this company's money

is on that rifle match tomorrow.

Over $500.

- Including my buck and a half.

- Including the works.

- We're all in but Parker.

- Won't he bet on himself?

- Collins said not to tell him.

- Why not?

Well, the sarge figures

that there's not enough

L company money

to cover that millionaire's

idea of a small bet.

- What odds did you get?

- Herbie's placing the money.

- All:
Herbie?!

- Don't get excited boys.

With his baby-face,

they'll feel sorry for him.

They're apt to give him

five to four or seven to five.

Five to four or seven to five?

I got us a real bet.

- You did?

- 10 to one.

10 to one. Certainly, that's the boy...

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Who put up the 10?

I did. 10 of ours to one of theirs.

- 10 to one.

- You did?!

Mm-hmm.

What's the matter?

Did I do

something wrong again?

Sergeant:
Parker.

How's your trigger finger, my boy?

I... I haven't made up

my mind yet.

Good afternoon,

ma'am.

You're going

my way?

Hello.

If you're

waiting for Martin,

he won't be able

to keep his date.

Oh.

- Oh, I see. The captain wanted to see him.

- No.

He's shooting with the

company rifle team. Hear him?

I thought you were

the star of the team.

I was until this morning. Then the

strangest thing happened to my wrist.

I could hardly move it.

So when I told

Captain Williams about it,

he replaced me with the

sixth man on the score-sheet.

- And Bob was the sixth man, of course.

- Of course.

- How does your wrist feel now?

- What do you think?

And you walked out

on your rifle team

just to chisel a date

with me, is that it?

You're a lot more attractive

than any target in this camp.

The men you sold out

in your company

bet every cent they had

on the team, on you.

They did?

I didn't know that.

I'll make their losses good.

- With what, money?

- What else?

It's just that easy

for you, isn't it?

I'll tell you one thing, there's no

price tag on loyalty or friendship.

I didn't ask for this uniform.

Why should I take it seriously?

After what you did today,

the only friend you'll have

is the guy who looks

at you out of the mirror.

And if he had any sense,

he'd stay as far away

from you

as I'm going to.

Wait a minute!

Hello, boys. I'm sorry

we lost the rifle match.

What do you

mean "we"?

I'll make your losses good if

you'll tell me how much you dropped.

I think I'll take a walk. There's

a strange smell around here.

Wait a minute, boys,

I said I was sorry.

What do you want me to do,

back flips?

Yeah, wise guy, and we're

the boys that can flip you.

- Now listen, you...

- Don't you sock him, Henry.

Come on, boy.

Give it to him, Bob.

Ooh, it's the sergeant.

Move... move it.

It's the sergeant.

Ooh!

- We'll finish this later.

- You mean I will.

Herbie, the light.

The light.

No, no, no, turn it out.

What kind of a brawl

is going on in here?

Don't you recruits

dummy up on me.

Oh, so it's you, eh?

Yeah, it's me. I wasn't doing

anything. I wasn't doing any fighting.

I guess that's how

you got that black eye, huh?

Yeah...

I got a black eye?

- Ooh.

- Dry up.

Keep quiet or you'll

find yourself on KP.

I don't want to hear

another peep out of this tent.

- Douse that light.

- Okay.

It won't go out.

What a life.

What an army and what a

sergeant to have in the army.

Give me liberty or give

me death. That's me.

Who's playing

that radio?!

- Nobody, it's playing by itself.

- Turn it off!

Be quiet in here.

The men have to get up

at 5:
45 in the morning.

- Go on and play it.

- You heard what the guy said.

What are you worrying about

him? He's only the sergeant.

What, are you scared of him?

Play the radio loud.

What did I tell you?!

Didn't I tell you

the men were sleeping?

Didn't I tell you they have to

get up at 5:
45 in the morning?!

Well now don't play it!

Go on and play it.

- You're an American citizen, aren't you?

- Hmm.

This is a free country, isn't

it? Go on and play the radio.

If he come in here again,

I'll tell him off.

- You'll tell him?

- You leave it to me.

Play it.

- Didn't I say not to play that thing?!

- Yeah.

- Didn't I say the men were sleeping?

- When are you gonna tell him?

- What are you going

to do about it?

- Look here, Brown, I don't like wise guys.

- Sorry.

Next wisecrack out of you, somebody's

going to punch you right in the nose.

I'd like to see

you do it.

I'll do it all right.

Why don't you be quiet

like your buddy here?

Now remember, the next

wisecrack out of you,

I'll punch you

right in the nose.

Yes you will.

Yes I will!

Yes I will!

When are you

gonna tell him?

Nobody loves me.

Who's got

a pencil and paper?

I'm going

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