Buck Wild Page #6

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between these two cards.

You probably have a lot of

questions about your condition.

Lance?

Why can't I see color?

Buddy?

Is this a compromise?

Am I more susceptible to

sexually transmitted diseases?

[ GROWLING

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST,

AM I GOING TO DIE?

AAH!

LANCE! YOU'RE SICK!

AAH!

No!

Bravo, boss.

Bravo.

It was an accident.

I didn't mean to do it.

Why are you naked, tom?

Great trip, Craig.

I killed him.

I killed my best friend.

Not yet.

You got to destroy the brain.

Here, take my shotgun.

No!

Get that away from me!

It was an accident.

Well, look at it this way.

At least you got your

girlfriend's vagina back, huh?

He didn't do that!

He told me so!

You will be missed, my friend.

B.F.F.

What the hell?

It's Carla's number.

Hello?

Lance?

Uh-huh.

Hey, so, I got a really weird

call from Craig earlier.

I think he might be on to us.

Has he said anything to you?

No.

Good.

Oh, maybe I'm just

being a little paranoid.

He's such a weirdo.

Anyway, I can't wait

for you to come back.

Mama's been a bad girl

and needs a spanking!

Spanking?!

Craig?!

B*tch!

My mother is a lovely woman!

I think he's dead, boss.

Damn cellphones.

What the hell's

going on out here?

Retribution, baby.

Craig had to

go a little buck wild.

Carla, huh?

B*tch.

Aah!

Let's get the hell out of here.

That's a good idea, boss.

Once more unto the breach,

dear friends.

Bill Shakespeare.

I didn't know they could drive.

It doesn't look like they've

completely gotten the hang of it.

Get to the truck.

What the hell?!

What is it?

We're out of gas.

We just had a full tank

this morning.

We were just at

a gas station, Jerry.

You didn't think to fill up?

You were at a gas station?

I forgot to

look at the gas gauge.

I'm... I'm sorry, boss.

I'm sorry, boss!

I'm sorry, boss!

How can you

not look at the gas gauge?!

It's right beside

the speedometer!

'Cause I never

look at the speedometer.

I'm gonna kill you!

All right! All right!

Tom! Tom!

Hey, look! Stop!

Stop! Just stop!

We're just gonna have to

make a stand

here at the ranch house.

Remember the alamo?

Everyone was slaughtered

at the alamo, Craig.

That's not the point, tom,

all right?

This is where we fight.

This is where they die!

Huh?!

"300"? The movie?

Nice turtleneck, tom.

F*** off, Craig.

What if we just

hold out until morning?

They can't be

exposed to sunlight, right?

Those aren't vampires, tom.

They're gonna be out there

until we put a bullet

into every one

of their pretty little heads.

Well, we're screwed.

How much ammo do we have, Jerry?

Ammo?

Oh, I got your ammo.

Gentlemen, choose your weapons.

Wow. There are

all sorts of felonies in there.

Good work, Jerry.

This place

isn't gonna hold much longer.

I know. I wish we could

get that damn truck to start.

I'm sorry about that, boss.

W-wait. Wait a sec.

Aren't there a couple of

gas cans out back for the 4x4?

Remember? Clyde said

"one, two, count 'em."

Hey! That's right!

There are!

If we could

get that gas into Craig's truck,

we could

get the hell out of here!

That's beautiful, baby.

That's f***ing beautiful!

I love you, tom!

I f***ing love you!

Okay, calm down.

All right, it's gonna be tough.

They're everywhere.

But if it's the only way...

...it's time to

get buck wild.

Buck wild, baby.

Buck wild.

Buck wild!

Oh, God of war,

we pray to you in this,

our darkest hour.

Three mortal men melded

together by the flames of war.

Brought together,

we band of brothers

to keep at bay the evil

that has fallen upon us.

For we entered this place

as boys,

but tonight

we will leave here as men.

Our father, who art in heaven,

hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come,

thy will be done...

On earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day

our daily bread,

and forgive us our trespasses

as we forgive those

who trespassed against us.

And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from evil.

For thine is the kingdom,

the power,

and the glory forever and ever.

Amen.

L'Chaim.

Play ball.

So, who's going out there?

I'll go.

No, no, no.

I'll go.

The gas thing was my fault.

Don't you want a gun?

Nah. I got to improve

my blade skills.

Besides,

swords don't run out of bullets.

You ready?

Yahtzee!

Aah!

Aaaaaaaaah!

That's a little over the top,

don't you think?

He made it!

Nice.

They're coming in!

Stay here.

Use the shotgun.

Let Jerry back in,

but keep them out.

We need that gas.

Uh, really quickly...

How many bullets do I have

and where is the safety

on this thing?

I know you can do this, tom.

Hold them off.

Sh*t balls.

Aah!

Come on! Come on, come on,

come on, come on, come on.

Come on, come on, come on!

Yes!

Sh*t!

Yes!

Yeah, baby!

Oh, sh*t.

Come on, open the door!

Ride me!

Ride me like a pony!

You...

I'm coming for you, boss!

Aah!

Is that a fish?

Yeah.

I found it in the freezer.

Well, you're definitely

getting the award

for best kill and most improved.

Thanks, Jerry.

Aah!

Craig!

Aah! What took you guys

so long?

Tom had to play

a little game of "go fish."

What?

Never mind. Bad joke.

We got the gas.

Only one tank though...

I got blind-sided.

That should be good enough.

We got to

make a break for the truck.

I got this.

Tom! Tom,

help me with the door!

This is it!

Aah!

This is it, Craig!

I got you!

I got you, buddy!

Jerry!

Shoot!

What the hell, man?!

I'm sorry, boss!

My aim is all off tonight.

I can usually make those.

Can you ever forgive me?

That's perfectly all right,

Jerry.

I accepted that you were

probably gonna kill me.

Great trip, Craig.

Top 10...For sure.

Is he dead?!

Nah.

Nah, it's just a flesh wound.

Probably just passed out.

Tom!

Aah!

My turtleneck!

No!

Now he's dead.

Only the dead have seen

the end of war, boss.

That's Plato.

Thanks, Jerry.

I spilled most of the gas, boss!

That's all right.

I guess this is it!

Goodbye, buddy!

See you on the other side,

brother!

All right, a**holes!

Come out with your hands up.

It's time to pay the Piper.

That's our ride!

Let's get out of here!

Get your asses out here now!

What the hell?

Sh*t.

This is for tom.

Shots fired! We got shots fired

at buck wild ranch!

Damn it, Shirley!

Come on in!

Craig! Duck!

Yeah!

Suck on that,

you British hillbilly banana!

Eh? Eh?

You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?

Yahtzee.

This is it!

What in the holy hell

is going on here?

You two fags get out of the truck

right now! You're under arrest!

We didn't do nothin'!

Please, sir, we'll explain later.

We got to go now!

I'm calling the shots!

I'm calling the shots!

We didn't do nothin'!

Please, sir, we got to go now!

Get out!

Aah!

Sh*t!

He's got the keys!

What?!

Sh*t.

We're not gettin' them back,

neither.

You know how to do that?

I'm from New York.

Don't leave me.

I'm sorry.

Ah!

Here we go!

Whoo!

Hey, man, I, uh...

I want to apologize for

telling you that I hated you

yesterday.

Ah. Water under

the bridge, boss.

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