Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star Page #2

gonna be a star on the silver screen.

I'm the son of two movie stars.

That's like a super-duper

movie star.

- Buck!

- No. Let him go, dear.

I love you so much. I'm gonna call you

right when I get there, I promise.

- You better.

- All right.

- All right, son.

- Bye.

There goes our boy, Jeremiah.

Give them heck, son!

No way.

Pop.

- Take care.

- Be safe, Bucky.

Bye, Piggies.

Hey, how are you?

We don't sell kiddie porn, man.

Oh, I'm allergic to cats.

Self-service, pal. Don't see

what you want, just do some laps...

- ...until something gives you a boner.

- No, I don't wanna buy a movie.

I wanna be in one. Let's go.

We just sell the porn.

If you wanna make it,

you have to go to the Valley.

No way.

Is that far?

We just-- The bus went through

a valley in Colorado. Was that it?

- Did I miss it?

- No.

Just go over the hill.

Take Laurel Canyon.

All right, good. Thanks.

How are you doing?

All right. It's hot out.

Fart in my mouth! Fart in my mouth!

Fart in my mouth! Fart in my mouth!

Hi, how are you?

Yeah, good day.

Yeah, good day to you. All right.

Hi, all right.

Hey, what's your soup today?

Split pea with rice and broccoli.

That sounds good.

I'll have a bowl of that.

And some braces?

And maybe a haircut?

And a new shirt? God.

Kathy, I'm going on break.

Bring a bowl of soup

to Bugs Bunny at the counter.

Marge, you just went on break.

I'll get that soup over to you

right away.

My name's Kathy, by the way...

...so if you need anything,

just holler.

Okay. I'm Hucky.

Boiler at me if you need spazzing.

Okay.

I need you to clean up

the bathrooms.

Oh, it's Marge's night

to clean the bathrooms.

Marge had to leave sick.

Why are you being so difficult?

Marge has a hard life.

Marge has got hairy ears

just like a tarantula.

And she's ugly as sh*t.

Show some compassion,

would you?

Okay.

I didn't know we had rats over here.

Do you want me to clean

the bathrooms for you? I can.

No, it's sweet of you to offer,

but I can do it.

All right. Let me know.

I love that accent.

- Are you from the Midwest?

- Yeah! Iowa.

Good guess.

Are you here on vacation...

...or did you come here

to become a movie star?

A movie star.

Do you have mind powers?

No, just root-beer-float powers.

Hey

- I have a question.

- Okay.

Are there any stars here?

Because it says

"Tony's Famous Diner" on the sign...

...but I haven't recognized anyone.

Yeah. Play it cool.

I'm not supposed to say this...

...but the guy behind you,

on your left...

...was Chewbacca in Star Wars.

- What? He was Chewbacca?

- Yes.

I love Star Wars.

- On my left?

- Yeah.

Oh, my God. He looks just like him.

Midwest,

what are you doing in there?

Munching on this chocolate Frisbee,

doing some Mad Libs.

I see that.

Why are you doing it in the bushes?

I actually thought I'd setup camp

in here tonight.

It's actually kind of warm.

You don't have any place to stay?

No. I just got to town,

so I don't really know anybody yet.

But it's fine. I was a Cub Scout,

so I can make do.

Bucky, get out of the bushes.

Come on,

it's not a nice neighborhood.

There's a guy at my apartment building

who's been looking for a roommate.

Let's go see

if the room's still available.

And, you know, if not,

we've got much nicer bushes.

All right, sounds like a plan.

So you live here your whole life?

No, I grew up in New Jersey.

I moved here after high school.

You went to high school?

- Yeah, you didn't go?

- No, my town didn't have one.

So, what kind of movies

you wanna do? Comedy, drama?

Nude.

So comedy.

No, full-on nude. My folks did it.

Cross my heart.

Well, that's awesome. Awesome.

- Thanks.

- Here we are.

Home, sweet home.

Your bushes are super nice.

Yeah, they're nice.

I hope he's still awake.

It is kind of late.

Hey, Gary, I'm sorry to bother you.

I wanted to see

if you have that room for rent.

So are we gonna do this or not?

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, you can tell him

that Gary said to eat my sh*t.

Yeah, totally.

You wanna move your stuff

in tonight?

No. No, it's not for me.

It's for my friend Bucky here.

I'm still up In 44.

How are you doing? Bucky Larson.

What line of work are you in?

I'm here to be a movie star.

My last roommate came here to be a

rock star then skipped town, that f***.

Owes me three months rent.

F*** you, John Mayer.

Wait, no. I got the dough.

I'm good for it.

- Can you excuse us for a minute?

- Yeah, sure.

And don't leave.

I'd like to say goodbye.

Okay.

Look, I don't know you

and I don't know Kathy.

I've seen her in the laundry room

a few times...

...but that doesn't mean I trust her.

I trust her tits.

Okay.

I'm gonna let you have the room

because I know you got cash.

And I know I could pound

those woodcutters down your throat.

Why are you being weird

about that?

- I'm not. It's fine. Whatever you want.

- Yeah, no f***ing sh*t.

You can have the bathroom

off the hallway.

Don't use the one in my room.

That's my private sanctuary.

- Roommates?

- Yeah, roommates.

- Good.

- Great seeing you again, Kathy...

...and if you ever wanna hang out

by the pool, let me know.

Okay.

- Good night, Bucky.

- Good night, Kathy.

All right.

I could do this all day, bird...

...but I gotta go and take this town

by the antlers.

What the f***?

- I'm sorry.

- Shut the door!

You said this was my bathroom.

It is! But I sh*t here!

I can't sh*t where I shower!

Shut the f***ing door!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You better not be a psycho!

Sorry. We got a new intern

out here at our office.

Bucky.

Why are you brushing your teeth

in the pool?

There's a problem

with my bathroom.

There's gonna be a problem

in your stomach...

...if you keep using that water.

- Thanks for the warning.

- Yeah.

I'm off to work.

Good luck being nude today.

Okay. Say hi to Chewbacca.

Okay.

Free snake? No, thanks.

"Actors wanted.

Open call audition."

Bucky Larson.

This is Bucky Larson.

Do you have a headshot?

Like a shot of my head or what?

Yeah.

Yeah, wait.

I got a picture here of me.

That's me on the left. You can just

fold it and get the head part.

Your accent's awesome, man.

I like the Midwest choice.

And that vest is amazing.

Oh, thanks.

My mom made it for me.

This isn't a proper headshot.

Who cares?

Come on, this guy's great.

Don't be such a buzz-kill.

Are you familiar with Redondi

Mac and Cheese?

Oh, Yeah. That's my favorite.

My mom makes it every Tuesday

for Boggle night.

I love your slogan.

Eat Redondi

Fill your belly

Monday through Sunday

That's perfect. My name is Claudio

and I'll be directing this commercial.

We're gonna put you on tape.

- Did you get to peep the script?

- Peep?

Peep?

Screw it. We'll do a cold read.

You're a pro.

Owen, press record.

And Bucky, go for it.

Okay.

- Holy sh*t!

- F***, man, what are you doing?

No, no, no!

Did I whack it right?

- Stop the camera! Stop it!

- Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, he's going for his butt!

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