Bullets Over Broadway Page #10

- I got some flowers for ya.

- Oh, a hundred orchids!

They could only be from Billy Rose.

Yes. They are! They're from Billy.

Oh, they're beautiful.

And you!

Oh! Fabulous.

Oh, thank you so much.

So sweet of you. [ Kissing ]

Listen, let me go and get changed, and

then I'll meet you at the Lobster Grill.

Could you order me

the shore dinner as an appetizer?

And I'll have roast beef

as the main course.

- How come you didn't

call me over the weekend?

- Oh, you were great.

- I was busy, my dear. I'm busy now.

- Oh, really?

- Excuse me. Could I just

have a word with you?

- No, my friends are up from town.

- We're just going to eat,

and I've got to get changed.

- You don't mind if we talk.

- We'll wait for you.

- We'll just be a second.

- Oh, well, I'll be with you

in two seconds.

- Bye.

- I can't be here. I mustn't--

- When I saw you on stage,

doing that big speech...

- Olive, I'm very tempted.

You're a gorgeous girl.

- you were so, so sexy.

- I mustn't be seen with you.

- What the hell is this?

A corset? Get it off.

- Don't!

- What, what, what?

What are you so nervous about?

- I can't be seen with you.

He threatened to kill me.

- Who threatened to kill you?

- Cheech.

- Cheech threatened to kill you?

Well, how do ya like that?

He finally got wise.

You know what? I wouldn't let it

worry you if I were you.

You're not the type to let some

strong-arm gorilla push you around.

Olive, essentially, I'm an actor. I take

on certain roles that require of me--

You weren't just an actor

when you were taking my underwear off.

You were a big shot.

You were sayin' to me,

"Olive, I have big plans for you.

I want you to star with me.

- Stop it. Listen, Olive--

- I make my own rules.

All this is true,

but we must be realistic.

- Realistic?

- God, I'm starving!

Do you have a sticky bun or--

[ Knock At Door ]

Open up. It's me, Nick.

Nick?

Nick Valenti?

- I'm dressing.

- Ah, c'mon. I ain't gonna see

noplace I ain't been before.

- [ Knocking ]

- I'm coming, I'm coming.

Hold your water.

- Hi, baby.

- Ah, there you are.

- You were swell in

the show tonight, Olive.

- Well, thank you.

- I thought so. Wasn't she, boys?

- Oh, yeah.

- What a thrill.

- Come on. Get yourself dressed.

- We got time to grab a drink

before I drive back to New York.

- Well, I don't know.

- Not tonight, Nickie.

I'm a little bit tired.

- Come on, come on.

You been puttin' me off

for weeks now.

- I'm a little bit tired.

- Since when you too tired

to shovel in a little booze?

What a marvelous audience. I thought

the show went quite well, don't you?

Oh, excuse me, Mr. Valenti.

Darling, could you give me that

cue a little quicker in Act ll?

You know the one where your character

is quoting Hamlet?

Oh, well, you know, it's hard,

'cause I always forget the second part.

Yes, I know.

It's "or not to be." Okay?

Because I can't come in until you

finish your line, and I go "ooh."

- To be--

- Or not to be.

That's the way it goes. You're tired.

You're not taking it in.

[ Laughing ] And did you notice the

way the audience applauded your exit?

It'll go better next time if you

make it through the doorway

and not the upstage wall.

- [ Barking ]

- Oh!

[ Olive ]

Get the pooch outta here.

[ Eden ] Mr. Woofles.

Oh, he smells something.

- You got somebody in there?

- Yeah, right, I got somebody in there.

- Here, pooch, take a hike.

- Come on, darling. Protecting Mommy.

- Bye-bye, bye-bye.

- What's he barkin' at?

- I think you were talkin'

about the broad.

- All right, party's over.

Come on, guys. Get outta here.

I gotta change.

Nickie, you too.

One drink, all right? Let me change.

- So who's this Hamlet guy?

- Come on. Outta here.

- Go on, go on.

- Does he live around here?

Hamlet. That's really

funny, honey. Bye.

[ Whispering ]

Go on! Get outta here. They're gone.

Go on! Get outta here. They're gone.

Get outta here. Go on, go on.

No, no, no! Not that way.

The window, the window.

Go on. The window.

I'll be out

in a minute, Nick.

-Oh, my goodness. Warner! Hello, Warner.

-It was a lovely performance.

- Oh, thank you very much.

That's sweet of you.

- We enjoyed it so much.

- Oh, yes, well, did you like the play?

- I loved the play.

- It's a smashing part.

- The second act was wonderful.

- Beautiful scene.

- It's lovely working

with Helen, of course.

- She's so good. She's just lovely.

- She just carries one through.

Could you possibly

give me an autograph?

- I-l'd love to.

I don't have a pen on me.

- Oh, you don't?

It's her. That's what it is. I can't

keep turnin' a blind eye. It's Olive.

She's better than

when we started.

- Sure, she's better.

That don't mean she's good enough.

- Well, I mean, you know--

- This is something

that just bothers you.

- Yeah.

- The critics-- Her notices were decent.

- Decent ain't good enough.

- She's killin' my words.

- Your words? Okay, she's

weaker, but it doesn't matter.

- Weak? I think she's doin'

more damage than you think.

- What am I gonna do, fire her?

- I can't have her ruinin' my show.

- Your show?

- What are you talkin' about?

- All right, our show.

- I put a lot into this.

It could be perfect.

- Yeah, so did I...

but there's concessions

we have to make.

- The show's a hit.

- She's not the best we could do

for the part.

- There's plenty other girls around.

- What are we gonna do, Cheech?

She throws the whole thing

out of whack. Can't you see it?

- The audience doesn't

know the difference.

- Oh, they know.

- They do not know.

- They don't know how to say it,

but they know.

Every time I hear that voice,

it's like a knife in my f***in' heart.

She can't act!

- You listening to me?

- Cheech, take a shower.

She makes stuff not work. Stuff

she ain't even in comes out twisted.

- I can't fire her! You know this!

- Don't yell at me.

I am not yelling at you,

but you are too close to this.

Leave me alone.

I got a f***in' headache.

- Leave me alone. I got a headache.

- You're being temperamental.

Very temperamental!

[ Narrating ]

Fate acts in strange ways.

Everyone seems to be

feeling the pressure of

our upcoming New York opening.

Yesterday, Warner got into a

fight with Eden, and the results

proved Cheech right yet again.

There you are. Mr. Purcell,

you have been stealing our

dog yummies and eating them.

Absolutely not.

That's an outrageous suggestion.

- Then let me see in your pockets.

- Would I eat dog food?

You'd eat anything that didn't eat

you first, you big fat pot of helium.

- This is the sort of food I eat:

prime loin chop.

- Let me see.

I do not steal from animals. Get out

of my trousers, you horrid woman.

Look!

Oh, thief, thief, thief!

It was you that drank

her saucer of milk yesterday.

Ow! Ow!

You fat hunk of blubber!

- She pushed me!

- Ow, my hand! That's 'cause

you were stealin' her dog food.

Somebody ought to stick

a harpoon in you, you big whale.

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