Bullets Over Broadway Page #11

- Ow.

- I can get you a doctor.

I can get you a doctor.

I guess this means

you'll miss the matinee.

It's okay with me.

One show a day is plenty.

To think I didn't

believe you at first, you dear--

I think I can say this in the company

of-- in the company of all of you.

That a woman of your age

should have leapt past the realm

of such acute narcissism.

- What a difference with

a real actress saying those lines!

- All right.

- The whole play came to life!

- Listen to me.

Don't get carried away.

Don't get any ideas. Olive is going on.

We can get all the backing

we need without Nick Valenti.

Our notices are wonderful.

- People are standing--

- It's not the money. I told ya that.

We dump Olive, you, me,

even the dog will wind up

at the bottom of the Hudson.

It won't take that long.

He'll kill us here in Boston.

We'll be at the bottom of the Charles.

He was right. She wrecks the whole play.

He noticed that.

- What are you talking about?

- Nothing. It's just that

she affects the whole play.

- [ David ] You were wonderful.

- Yes, yes. Wonderful.

- [ Eden ] Have you seen

Deliah with my robe?

- Yes, she's coming.

- Listen.

- [ Sighing ]

- One thing you don't do

is welsh on Nick Valenti.

- On Nick Valenti.

- In future productions,

we can hire somebody else.

- Shh-shh!

We can hire somebody else, but if she's

okay to open in New York, she opens.

- I mean, the play must go on.

I'll do anything--

- She affected the whole thing.

[ Helen ] I can't tell you

how many times I've seen it.

A show comes into Boston...

crippled, limping, struggling, gasping

for air, trying to find its own life...

and then, somewhere along the line,

a miracle occurs.

A work of art is born.

- It's amazing how much better the show

is working with Olive's understudy.

- Mmm, Olive.

- The thing's breathing and living.

- Yes, it's true.

She's drab, but it's still

going to be a fine, fat hit.

- Mmm.

- Here's to your future...

as the new white knight

of the Great White Way.

- Cheers.

- [ Coughing ]

- What is this stuff?

- Paint remover. You can cut

it with a little club soda.

- Oh, it's very smooth.

- Yes.

See the little towns go by?

Helen, when I get back to New York,

I'm gonna tell Ellen about us.

- Oh, David!

- No, I've decided.

- Oh, are you sure?

- You know how I feel about you.

Oh, David, you must be gentle.

I-I-I've been hurt so many times before.

I know.

I know.

You stand on the brink

of greatness.

The world will open to you like an

oyster. No. No, not like an oyster.

The world will open to you

like a magnificent vagina.

You okay?

You look a little flushed.

- I've just had a little too much--

- Is it something I said?

- No, just the paint remover.

- Oh.

[ Sighs ]

Have you ever thought about

whether, when you fall in love...

do you fall in love with

the artist or the man?

What a strange question.

Yes, it is strange, but--

I'm in love with you, Helen. I am, and

the time has come for me to act on it.

Oh, the train

is moving so fast.

Oh, David, it's so fast.

Oh, hold me!

- Oh, hold me. No, no, don't speak.

- Helen, I love you.

Don't speak.

B-- Uh, please, don't speak.

- Don't speak. No. Don't speak.

- [ Muffled ]

No, please.

- Are you having an affair

with Helen Sinclair?

- What? No!

- Don't lie to me.

- What are you talking about?

You two are in every gossip column in

town. You were all over Boston together.

- You know those columns.

- All those late nights.

- I was working!

- What about this?

- That's a cigarette case I found.

I don't know where I found it.

- "To Helen from Cole.

- Let's do it.

- I remember now. I admired it,

and she gave it to me.

-Why didn't you tell me?

-Because there's nothing to tell, Ellen.

Now that you're on the eve

of success, you want to dump me

and go off with Helen Sinclair.

- That is ri-- That is ridiculous.

- Are you sure?

You know how crazy

you sound right now?

- You never encouraged me

to stay in Boston.

- I was submerged in my work.

The play's in trouble.

I'm working.

Hey, it's me.

It's David.

You know?

David? Okay?

What an imagination

on this girl.

[ David ] Listen, Flender,

I'm completely mixed up.

Ellen, Ellen. I love Ellen.

She's been with me the whole time.

Stuck by me. I knew she'd

be happier back in Pittsburgh.

- We've had a great relationship.

- Right.

- I love her dearly. And yet--

- Yeah. Yes. Get to the point.

What is the problem here? It's always

been clear that you've loved Ellen.

I've become involved with

Helen Sinclair, and I feel terrible.

But I can't help myself.

She's so charismatic, and

she's brilliant and beautiful.

I mean, a real artist, and--

and we speak the same language.

- You're wracked with guilt.

- I'm wracked with guilt.

- You're wracked with guilt.

You are wracked with guilt.

- I don't know whether--

- I can't sleep.

- Guilt is petit bourgeois crap.

- An artist creates

his own moral universe.

- I know that. I know--

Well? What is the problem then?

I'm gonna give you some advice.

The same advice that was

given to me many years ago when

I had a very similar dilemma.

- Similar to mine. To--

- Yes. Yes.

What did you do?

What?

You gotta do

what you gotta do.

##

Hot ginger and dynamite

There's nothing

but that at night

Back in Nagasaki where

the fellas chew tobaccy

And the women

wicky wacky woo

- The way they can entertain

- [ Nick ] She's great in the show, huh?

- Would hurry a hurricane

- [ Marx ] Oh, the best.

- Back in Nagasaki

- She'll take Broadway by storm.

- And the women wicky wacky woo#

- The part is modest. Still--

Listen, when she gets here, tell her

you're gonna give her some new lines.

- You know, like we discussed.

- Yeah.

Let me level with you, Mr. V.

Do you mind if I call you Nick?

You see, Nick, you don't

fiddle with a winning show.

Every script reaches a point where,

in the professional judgment...

of the producer, the director,

you're finished.

You can't distort the plot.

[ Chuckles ]

Now, we're about ready to open.

Changes could be harmful.

No, the show is

basically frozen.

- Let's avoid confusion.

- Sure.

She'll get some new

f***in' lines...

or I'll nail your kneecaps

to the dance floor.

Imagine that director telling me

I'm overacting in the first scene...

and I don't know

what I'm saying.

You know what I'm doing, Cheech, is,

I'm working on a superior laugh. Like:

Ha-ha-ha. Hee-hee-hee.

[ Chuckles ]

I wanna throw that in when

Sylvia threatens to leave,

and then I burst into tears.

Well, you know, he says no,

but what the hell kind of dull

show is he putting on anyway?

- I don't know.

- Where we goin'? I thought

we were gonna go meet Nick.

[ Cheech ]

We have to go pick up Nick.

We're gonna pick up Nick? You never

said nothin' about picking him up.

- We just gotta meet him--

- I thought we were gonna

meet him at the club.

How come I have to wear those

dowdy, brown, ugly dresses?

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