Burke And Hare Page #2

then?

Eh, it's nae worth

the bother any more.

Wee Tam McLintoch

and his militia,

they've declared a war

on grave robbery.

They're patrolling the graveyards

every night.

It's a shame, really.

We used to sell to Doctor Knox

at 3 pounds a cadaver.

And these days,

he'd be happy to pay double that.

And I thought life round here

was supposed to be cheap?

It is.

But the price rockets

once you're dead.

Willy...

So, this doctor is gonna give us money

to cut Old Donald up?

Old Donald is in heaven.

These are just his mortal remains.

You seem to have given this

an awful lot of thought.

When have I ever let you down?

-- When have you ever let me down?!

-- Oh, come on now, Willy.

Oh!

Holy sh*t e!

This is wrong.

There's only one Surgeon's Square

in Edinburgh, Willy.

No, what we're doing is wrong.

I'm sorry to disturb you, Doctor,

but we've two gentlemen

at the door to see you.

They appear to have

a herring barrel with them, sir.

I have no taste for herring, Patterson.

Send them away.

I believe there's something else

in their herring barrel for you, sir.

I commend you both

on account of his freshness.

Thank you, Doctor.

Why is he bent in half like that?

Er, this man obviously died

in some kind of construction accident.

That is exactly what hap--isn't that

exactly what happened, Mr. Burke?

Aye, Mr. Hare, yeah,

that's exactly what happened.

Right.

I'll give you 3 pounds.

We was looking for 6 pounds, sir.

I'm afraid I can go no higher

than 4 pounds 10 shillings.

Doctor Knox, sir, y-you yourself

complimented us on account of its...

freshness, sir.

Quite the salesman, aren't you,

uh, Mr. Hare?

Could you make it

What with so much... construction work

going on in Edinburgh,

if we were to, uh, stumble on

any other unfortunates...

would you be interested,

Doctor?

I'll give you 5 pounds for your efforts,

gentlemen.

And I'll pay you the same for any more

unfortunates that you can deliver,

Except in the summer, when we have

a few problems keeping them fresh.

I completely understand,

Doctor Knox.

All right, Patterson.

Prepare this gentleman for the lecture.

What about his, uh...

posture, sir?

Uh, straighten him out.

I'm sure he won't complain.

- Sir?

Unbend him.

These fellows will assist you.

And then show them out.

Goodnight.

All right,

give me a hand with this.

Here's to our new product.

And where exactly

are we gonna find more?

Oh, there's lots more... product

just waiting for us to dig it up.

He's looking at me.

I'm sure he knows

what we're doing.

Forget the damn dog, Willy.

Just keep an eye out for the militia.

-- You know this is hallowed ground.

-- Touch of frost is all.

Look lively, men.

Who goes there?!

Fix bayonets!

It's the militia!

Listen up, lads!

Agh!

They got guns!

Oh, for pity's sake, Private.

Come on.

Be careful.

Either we give ourselves up

and risk being transported,

or we run for it

and risk getting shot.

As much as I like to travel,

I think I'm gonna go with the latter.

-- On three.

-- Right. One...

Ow!

Well shot, sir!

Thank you, Sergeant.

I can't believe this.

Six years in the Donegal Militia,

and I never got a scratch.

And three hours as a grave robber,

and I get shot in the arse.

All right, Willy,

show me your wounds.

All right, just be careful.

I think you've got a perfectly

lovely arse.

Evening, Mrs. McFie.

Is it bad?

It's nothing but a scratch,

you big baby.

-- Well, it still hurts.

-- Come on, Willy.

Oh, who was that screaming

in the graveyard like a wee girl?

You!

For the love of Lord Jesus.

She's fallen off the wagon again.

Are you all right, love?

It's God.

He's punishing us.

Oh, you know that's not true.

First Old Donald.

Now Joseph.

What's happened to Joseph?

That's two rents just gone.

Hello?

Are you all right, Joseph?

Do I look all right,

you bleed in' Irish bastards?!

You'll no' be takin' my coat.

I remember.

Old Nosey was there himself.

He says, "Stand up, guards.

Now, Maitland, now's your time."

And over we go, fight in',

fight in' the Frogs.

Did I ever tell you about the time...

the time...

I saw the man, the wee man himself,

Napoleon?

Aye, it were a treat.

And that idiotic hat.

Forgive me, Father...

for I know not what I do.

He shouldn't have to go like this.

A hero should be laid to rest among

his comrades

in the corner of some distant

foreign field,

on the battleground surrounded

by his fellow men-at-arms.

No, Willy, it's far better this way.

A man deserves to die in the comfort of

his own bed surrounded by his friends.

Never again, William.

Old Joseph

was the last one for me.

Look, we'll talk about it later, Willy.

For now just smile

and try to look important.

-- Er, excuse z-moi--

-- You're not coming in wearing those.

-- But they are French.

-- Exactly. So sling your hook.

-- Pardon?

-- Sling your hook.

-- Hook?

-- Your hook.

-- Hook?

-- Your hook, sling it.

-- We're on the guest list.

-- Name?

William Wordsworth.

Plus one.

Welcome to McOakley's,

Mr. Wordsworth.

And may I say how much I admired

your poem about the daffodils.

Oh, too kind.

Very nice, very nice.

Aye.

No chance. Piss off.

Get out.

What are you having?

It's inconceivable

that the height of culture

on offer in Edinburgh

is this bloody dive.

Which is why I'm proposing--

and don't laugh at me--

that we put on...

"Macbeth."

It's got everything.

Sex, murder, magic, betrayal.

I think it's a great idea, Ginny.

-- You do?

-- I really do.

There's just one problem.

Wasn't Macbeth a king?

Wouldn't that make him a man?

I'm talking about the first all-female

production of a Shakespeare play!

But it costs money to put on a play,

Ginny.

None of us want to go back

on the game.

-- Never.

-- Nobody's going back on the game.

All we need is for a wealthy and

discerning patron to take the bait.

What are you doing?

That which hat h made them drunk

hat h made me bold, Em.

Had I but died

an hour before this chance,

I had liv'd a blessed time...

Someone's had a few too many.

Who can be wise, amaz'd,

temp'rate and furious

loyal and neutral in a moment?

No man.

The violent expedition of my love

has outrun the pauser reason.

Have you not heard

of William bloody Shakespeare?

Show some respect!

Bollocks.

Can I help you?

Uh... just, your--

your speech there was--

it was wonderful, madam.

-- Doctor.

-- Doctor.

Doctor!

You look like the proverbial cat that

swallowed the canary, Doctor Monro.

You must know what this is all about.

I do, actually.

But forgive me, I need to have a word

with Doctor Knox.

I'd be surprised if Knox

would speak to you, now that--

Excuse me Doctor Lister.

And please

do not misunderstand this, but...

your breath is appalling.

Ah!

Doctor Knox.

How wonderful it is to see you.

Yes, I'm sure it is.

And your new students,

are they enjoying your lectures?

Er, not as much as I understand

they're enjoying your wife, sir.

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