Burn After Reading Page #2

SHE'S MARRIED

Number 4!

HAS BOYFRIEND:

And number 6!

SHE'S PREGNAN

Yes, yes!

I should try to get a run in.

Ozzie?

Ozzie!

Honey, at princeton reunion Dinner

See you later

Library Closed for

Private Party

We take all the chicken fat

off your buttocks, here...

And the upper arms.

- And a little of your tummy...

- Yeah, great.

Now, we do breast augmentation

with a tiny incision here.

- Oh, the marker tickles!

- ...and here.

And what about the upper leg,

the higher inside body area?

Well, we can do liposuction there as well,

but that area will respond an excercise.

The buttocks upon arms

begin to store more fat

once you get up around fourty,

the body just tells it to go there.

But the thighs will respond

to tonight excercise.

Yeah. I can work out on my arms till

the cows come home, but...

Uh-huh. Well, also there are

of course genetic factors.

- But the Litzke's have always been big.

- Well, everyone's got a...

- My mom had an ass that could pull a bus.

- Wow. Well that's a predispo---

Yeah. Father's side too. Although Dad

tends to carry his weight in front of him.

- Uh-huh. Okay.

- In the gut area. Deriere, not so much.

And what about the face, you know,

the window to the soul.

Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Very well put.

Well, your eyes are one

of your best features.

But we can do something about

the incipient crow's feet.

Baby crow's feet. Little chickling's feet.

I mean chicks. Chickie chickie chickie.

Ha-ha, yes, again, well put.

You have a way with words.

We make a small incision

and then pull the skin tight,

like stretching the skin over a drum,

not too tight, though.

We don't want that "worked-on look."

You need sufficiant slack

for the face to remain expressive.

Yeah.

I don't want to look like Boris Karloff.

- So you don't want a sex change!

- No. I'm all woman!

So Linda, what we're talking about here

is four different procedures.

The liposuction, the rhinoplasty,

the facial tuck,

which I would strongly recomend

over the chemical peel---

Yeah, I don't want to

burn anything off.

Why should you. With that lovely skin?

And lastly the breast augmentation.

Now, we can also do something

about that vaccine scar---

I don't know if you wear

sleeveless dresses much---

- Not with these ham hocks!

- Yes, well.

Once they're nice and svelte, post-op,

you may change your mind about that.

I wanna talk about the vaccine thing.

I mean can you counsel me on this?

I mean is it really that unsightly?

I see it a lot, a bunch of people have them.

Absolutely! Some women don't mind it.

It's a personal taste.

H A R D B O D I E S

FITNESS CENTERS:

f i t n e s s o f f i c e

Chad!

Exhale. Deep breath. Exhale.

- Hold it. Hold and release.

- Chad!

And release.

- Ow!

- Too much?

I just felt a straining...

a tightness in the front of my ass.

Well you are pretty tight down there.

You have...

Something snapped in my ass!

Chad Feldheimer to the office,

please.

I'll check on my office, I'll be right back

and we'll do work on opening those hips.

I just got a batch from "bewithmedc.com"

- Oh no! Anything good?

- I don't know, I'm just looking.

- How do I open..?

- Click on that... Click on that...

Omygod! Okay, loser.

Loser. Loser!

They should call this "mr.loser.com"

- Did you have to send a picture?

- No, only the guys do.

I had to fill a verbal profile.

What turns-me-on, what turns-me-off...

I'm really looking for a guy

with the sense of humor.

That guy---wait---that guy wasn't bad.

- Him?

- No, before.

- Him?

- Yeah, he might not be a loser.

- How can you tell?

- That's a Brioni suit.

- Oh, yeah?

- Sh*t yeah!

Does he look like he would

have a sense of humor?

Looks like his optometrist

has a sense of humor.

- What is he do?

- State department.

Oh, that's cool.

His hair is... what is that?

Plugs?

This is our cardio area

and we have a lot of machines

and believe me there's never a wait.

I mean what you see now,

it's like the busiest time

and there's a lot of machines open.

- Hey, Chad.

- Hey, Linda.

- You call that guy?

- No, not yet.

Chad Feldheimer,

he's one of our trainers.

I've been doing

this internet dating thing and I'm...

- What service?

- bewithmedc.com?

- Nice

- Have you used them?

No. Two friends did, they both got

hooked up with really special guys.

That's fantastic!

If you're an english speaker,

please say "yes" or "english."

Yes.

I'm sorry I didn't understand what

you said. If you're an english speaker...

English.

Would you like to speak to

the willing department or to an angent?

Agent.

I'm sorry I didn't understand

what you said.

Agent.

Agent.

Hello. Can I help you?

Yeah, hi, this is Linda Litzke,

should i give you my accont number?

- You did it there... I have it here.

- You have it up? Okay.

I was told that I need a pre-approval

for these surgeries, but

Yes, I'm sure that this procedure

was not approved.

Yes, I was denied.

This operation of selective procedures

is not covered by...

No, those are four different operations.

It's very complicated.

I'm reinventing myself, it is whole

new look, so It's not just one thing.

But they're all approved

by my doctor.

Your doctor's approval

is not that issue, madam.

- Our guides for selective surgeries are...

- But this is not ... Madam...

My job involves public interface.

This is not...

I don't really think you understand.

The guides might not...

Oh, I understand.

Put your supervisor on, please.

Hold the line.

Alan?

Linda?

Yeah.

C o m i n g U p D a i s y

text 261

text 262

We've been over and over and over this.

First you say you can't commit

and then...

Would you come down from there!

Please pick up:
Plunge

Honey Nut Cheerios.

We married when I was what,

in my mid-twenties,

A kid, we were kids. Twenties.

And you think it's forever.

You get older,

start to feel your mortality,

say there's no more time

for dishonesty.

Subterfuge, say I'm not the person.

The choices you made, you...

I'm thinking of divorcing Ozzy.

Frankly, I'm thinkig, Whoa.

I guess that's what I should be

thinking too. With Sandy.

- That's what you were just saying.

- Absolutely. Yes.

You're right. You should dump that bozo.

No question about that. I agree.

- So, if I were divorced---

- Yes.

That should settle things. With Sandy.

Because of you and me.

It's... you know.

It's hard to inflict that kind of pain,

you know,

of course that would be

easier for you.

Why's that?

I don't see that.

Well, because he is a dope and so...

But Sandy'is a good lady.

- A very special lady.

- She's a cold, stuck-up b*tch.

- Well that's a little---

- You and I should get things sorted.

I've always told you

it's more than just frivolity.

That's right. That's understood.

You've been very straight.

- I think I've been loud and clear.

- Absolutely.

Not just fun and games.

Absolutely.

Pipe A Fittings Power Tools

Agent.

I'm sorry I didn't understand

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