Butter Page #6

- Hey.

- Hi, honey.

Hi, Destiny.

You know...

..I think it would be best if we had

this discussion alone, just grownups.

Uh... No, no, she can stay.

OK.

- From what we can surmise, on the night of...

- Um...

Destiny, your mother

was a wonderful woman

who fell on hard times.

She was not capable

of taking care of you,

but she loved you

very much nonetheless.

We found this.

She's pretty.

Hi, Mom. It's me,

Destiny. Your daughter.

We probably haven't seen each

other since I was a baby.

I don't remember you at all.

But now that the lady gave me

your picture, I wish I did.

I don't know what you were

doing all these years,

but now that

you've gone to heaven

I just want you to know

I forgive you for leaving me.

I don't really understand it that

much, but I still forgive you.

OK. Bye.

Motherf***er!

Hi, Bob.

Come on. Come on in, just

standing there like Rain Man.

Hey.

Um... I don't think

this is gonna work.

Laura, you're gonna need an

armature for something that grand.

Then I'll build an armature.

I'm not afraid

of hard work, Bob.

Not that it matters

anymore anyway.

What do you mean?

Well, you saw

what I did back there.

My sculpture was twice as good as your

"Schindler's List" and you know it.

My cooler was 43 degrees, the

eye-forehead-ratio was perfect.

Yeah. You had all that down.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm actually kinda

surprised at how technically good you are.

- You think, Bob?

- Yeah.

But you also need

to inject some soul into it.

I'm just saying...

...not everyone can be

an artist.

You don't think

I can be an artist?

Look, I know what it is

I'm dealing with here.

I am gonna have to give

these so-called judges

the statement piece

that they're looking for.

And when they see what I have planned for

them, their jaws are gonna hit the floor.

And you are gonna

be right there,

next to my cooler,

cheering me on as dutifully

as I have you the last 15 years.

Good morning,

folks. You're listening to

KQWK broadcasting live

from Des Moines

at the Iowa State Fair.

It's 103 degrees out

on the fairgrounds,

but even hotter

in the Grand Hall

where crowds are squeezing in for

the highly anticipated rematch.

Laura Pickler versus Destiny.

# Pump it up #

# Get out yo seats #

# Pump it up #

# You gotta move your feet #

# In the disco #

# I wanna see #

# I wanna see you celebrate #

# Celebrate, celebrate #

# And let yourself go #

# Fly away, fly away #

# Fly away and

let your love go #

# Hello, good-bye #

# I'm gonna meet you

on the other side #

# Oh, yeah All right #

# Go crazy #

# Celebrate #

Hi, how are you?

# Fly away and

let your love go #

# Hello, good-bye #

# Gonna meet you

on the other side #

# Oh, yeah All right #

# Go crazy #

# Are you livin' are you livin'

Can't keep cool #

Five, four, three,

two, one!

Trowels down!

She's outdone herself.

- Oh, my! JFK!

- Thank you all for coming.

Please come back tomorrow

after church

when the judges will be viewing

these two interesting pieces

for the very first time

and will announce the winner

of the Johnson County Mastery

in Butter competition again.

Dear God, it's me.

I just want you to know,

Laura doesn't know about this.

So don't blame her. Oh, hang

on, you already know that.

Man,

you're awesome. Amen.

What the hell?

I'll see what's going on, OK?

Excuse me.

What happened?

Um, we don't know.

But she's gonna get a chance

to fix it, right?

Well, um, the judges have

already begun deliberation.

And the rules indicate that no

further adjustment can be made

once deliberation commences.

Come on, lady.

My name is Nancy

and those are the rules.

You know what?

You people are ridiculous.

I mean, it's butter.

You put it on toast.

Right? The government

gives it away for free.

Oh, oh, oh! And newsflash!

It's bad for you!

Yeah, I said it out loud.

It clogs your arteries

and it makes you fat.

And you're all gonna

die because of it!

What?

Really?

The butter police? Wow!

We've got it. We've got it under

control. We've got it.

Destiny, we'll be right back.

So now what?

I've lost, that's what.

I'd just like to say good luck.

You know, this is all I have.

You're still young and you have

your whole life ahead of you

and you can,

you can do anything.

And you're so beautiful.

And I know you...

Well, I know you don't

understand this...

...but this is all I have.

This is unbelievable.

For the first time I can remember

the midway is completely deserted

as everyone gathers to witness

a little piece of history.

Thousands packed the Grand Hall

to see these two contestants'

daring and radical

butter sculptures.

Now it's up to our judges

to decide once and for all

who will represent Johnson

County here at State.

Stay tuned to KQWK

for the live results

and your favorite

light hits and less talk.

May I have your

attention, please?

The judges have reached

a decision. Orval?

Thank you, Nancy. Um...

In my years judging

this competition, uh,

I've seen many things.

But only twice

have I seen true art.

The first was Bob Pickler's

brilliant "Passion of The Christ"

with Neil Diamond as Jesus.

- And the second this morning...

- Did he say Neil Diamond?

...when I laid eyes on a work

so tragic, so touching,

that it became not just butter

carving, but butter art.

And to be touched yourself, you

merely have to look right here...

...at the sad, melted face

of this unloved child.

Our winner, again, is Destiny.

Can you put me down, please?

I'd just like to say

this isn't all you have.

Aww!

You won't believe this,

but somehow my messed-up sculpture

won the State competition

that year.

The Des Moines Register called

it "an angst-ridden exploration

- of post-natal abandonment."

- Congratulations.

I told them it was just a sculpture

of my mom, but whatever.

I was just happy that I finally

found something I was good at.

I also got

a postcard from Brooke.

She wrote to say that

she was doing great

and was promoted to general

manager of Barnes & Noble.

And then, some even cooler

stuff started to happen.

Firstly, Jill finally figured

out how to do my hair.

Destiny, come on down.

You get to hear Ethan attempt

to sing Christmas carols.

- It's really awful.

- She means awesome.

OK, I'll be down in a minute.

Yes! You won't regret it.

# God rest ye merry gentlemen #

# Let nothing you dismay #

Oh, and also Miss Jill and

Mr. Ethan officially adopted me.

Which meant that was the last time I

had to unpack that stupid suitcase.

And you've probably heard

that Mrs. Pickler is

running for Governor.

The word on the street is

that the big man himself

came to her in a vision

and told her to run.

Sounds kinda messed up to me.

But a lot of people seem to

really like what she stands for.

Mr. Ethan says it's

because she panders

to the lowest common

something-or-other.

But I think people actually

kinda like her.

Still, if there's even the

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes