Bye Bye Birdie Page #2

- Hi, Margie

- Hi, Alice

- What's the story, morning glory

- What's the word, hummingbird

Have you heard about Hugo and Kim

Did they really get pinned

Did she kiss him and cry

Did he pin the pin on

or was he too shy

- Well, I heard they got pinned

- Yeah, yeah

- I was hopin' they would

- Uh-huh

- They're livin' at last, goin' steady

- He's gone

Hello, Mr. Henkel

This is Harvey Johnson

- Can I talk to Penelope Ann

- Is it true about Kim

- Penelope

- I just knew it somehow

- About the prom

- I must call her right up

- Saturday

- I can't talk to you now

- Goin' steady

- You know it, man

- Goin' steady

- It's crazy, man

- Goin' steady

- You know it

- It won't last

- Not at all

- He's too thin

- She's too tall

Hello, Mrs. Miller

This is Harvey Johnson

Can I speak to Debra Sue

Hiya, Hugo

Hiya, stupid

- What ya wanna go get pinned for

- You don't know how to live

- Oh, you meathead

- You'd get pinned if you could

- Lost your marbles

- Kim and I are in love

- Are you nutty

- Goin' steady for

Hello, Mrs. Garfein

Is Charity home from school yet

- Did they really get pinned

- Goin' steady

- I was hopin' they would

- He's gone

- Now they're livin' at last

- She nailed him

If ya gotta go

that's the way to go

When they got ya hooked

then you're really cooked

What ya gonna do

What ya gonna do

- Well, I heard they got pinned

- Oh, man

- I was thinkin' they would

- Oh, man

Now they're livin' at last

Goin' steady for good

Goin' steady, goin' steady

Goin' steady, steady for good

Goin' steady, goin' steady

Goin' steady, steady for good

He's in love with Kim

Kim's in love with him

Goin' steady, goin' steady

Goin' steady, steady for good

That's the way it should be

- Oh, yeah

- They'll be happy, I know

- Oh, yeah

- Goin' steady for me

- Oh, yeah

- That's the way it should go

Goin' steady, goin' steady

Goin' steady, steady for good

Poor Pidge. He'll starve.

Here, Pidge. Here, Pidgie.

Here, boy.

Don't jump! Don't jump!

Albert, it's all right!

Everything's all right!

Come on back! Don't worry.

Honey, come on.

- Thank heavens I got here in time.

- You almost pushed me out.

It's all right.

I just came from Ed Sullivan's office.

- Sullivan?

- Yes, Ed Sullivan.

Go to work for Sullivan. Leap from the

sinking ship while the house is on fire.

But hear this, Miss DeLeon.

I was loyal.

All the years I employed you, I never

looked for a job behind your back.

- I went to Ed Sullivan's otfice...

- Don't explain.

You owe me nothing,

even though you were molded by me.

- Molded?

- Like Eliza Doolittle from Pygmalion.

- I was molded?

- What were you when I found you?

Hostess at La Casa Enchilada

Taco and Tamale Shop.

Well, sorry I interrupted you.

A man of my ilk

does not commit suicide.

I've had just about enough

of your kind ot ilks too.

Suicide is for cowards.

I don't desert the woman I love.

Oh, Albert, I'm sorry.

- I should have known.

- Mama would never get over it.

Mama?

What's the matter?

I'm the prize dope ot all time...

thinking I could pry you away

from your mama's ever-lovin' tentacles.

I will thank you

to leave my mother out of this.

- Maybe she does influence me slightly.

- Slightly?

- She is old and frail.

- Which I will be, too, at this rate.

I don't blame you.

I was living in fantasy...

telling myself you were serious.

Oh, Rosie, I was.

I am. In here.

I've thought and thought

about marrying you...

every day, a lot of nights too.

I've spent six years

on Project Albert.

Well, now I haven't got the right.

I can't offer you security.

A wonderful girl like you...

you deserve more from a husband

than just personality and good looks.

But I'll always love you, Rosie.

You'd better always

love me, you nut...

because you're stuck with me.

Now, you've always worried

about repaying your mother, right?

Well, from now on,

she'll be set for life.

She can sit around on her big fat trust

fund. We'll have our own little house...

I don't care what Sullivan pays you.

No woman is supporting Albert Peterson.

- You're not listening, darling.

- I am not a gigolo.

Will you get to that piano

and start composing?

- Mary, I want Kim McAfee, Ohio.

- I'm through composing.

I was always through,

but now I know it.

That's right. You're a biochemist,

but this is one song you can sell.

- Huh?

- Okay, call me back.

- As I was saying, huh?

- Gee, you're slow today.

Now, you are going to write

a song called "One Last Kiss."

Is this Albert's floor

or is it the one below?

"One Last Kiss." Now.

Oh, one last kiss

There never was such bliss

I love your dentifrice

- A little too clinical, I think.

- Yeah, you're right, honey. Let's see.

Mama? She's never been to the office

since she discovered canasta.

Well, now's the perfect time

to tell her about dissolving Almaelou.

Yeah.

- And about us.

- Yeah.

Sonny!

- Mama!

- Baby!

What a nice surprise, and you're

just in time for some wonderful news.

- What's the matter?

- Nothing, son.

I just fainted in the subway.

That's all.

But I didn't tall down.

It was too crowded.

- I keep tellin' ya, take a taxi.

- Taxis?

Taxis are for my successful son.

A dirty crowded subway

is good enough for a mother.

Mother's nothin' nowadays.

- Who's that?

- Mommy, you know Rose DeLeon.

- And guess what.

- This is that pretty Rose DeLeon?

Oh, I don't believe it.

Rose, what happened to ya?

You had a fatal sickness

or somethin'?

It's nice to see you again.

Always on the job.

She's a credit to the firm.

Look at her, son.

I wonder some older man

hasn't snatched her away.

Personable matron.

- Speaking ot marriage.

- A wonderful institution.

Your poor father and I...

That was a marriage.

May he rest in peace.

Don't worry, Lou.

- Our only child is taking care of me.

- Tell her.

He'd never do anything to break

my heart. What about marriage?

It it was good enough

for you and Papa, it's good enough...

In time. You're just a baby.

Hello. Yes, Operator.

I'll hold on.

And another thing, Mama,

I'm thinking of dissolving Almaelou.

Wait, Lou. I'm comin'.

I'll be right up there.

We can play canasta again.

Mama? Mama, forget it.

I'm sorry.

- You're sorry?

- Good-bye, sonny.

Take care of yourself.

Think of me on Mother's Day.

- Good-bye, Rosie.

- Good-bye, Mae.

Call me Mrs. Peterson.

Wear your rubbers.

That's right, Operator.

Miss Kim McAfee.

I'll tell her, Rosie, tonight.

It's entirely up to you, Albert.

The line is still busy?

Yes, Hugo.

Well, of course

I'll always wear it on everything.

Oh, except my gym blouse.

Miss Turgnisht won't allow it.

Tonight?

Well, I have no plans.

I think I can get out

till about 10:
00.

Oh, you have to be in by 9:00.

Well, c'est la vie.

Until tonight then, mon amour.

Bye.

When you're a skinny child of 15

Wired with braces from ear to ear

You doubt that

you will ever be appealing

Then, hallelujah, you are 16

and the braces disappear

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