Bye Bye Birdie Page #3

And your skin is smooth and clear

And you have that happy grown-up

Female feeling

How lovely to be a woman

The wait was well worthwhile

How lovely to wear mascara

And smile a woman's smile

How lovely to have a figure

That's round instead of flat

Whenever you hear boys whistle

You're what they're whistling at

It's wonderful to feel

The way a woman feels

It gives you such a glow

just to know

You're wearing

lipstick and heels

How lovely to be a woman

And have one job to do

To pick out a boy

and train him

And then when you are through

You've made him

the man you want him

To be

How lovely to be a woman

Like me

How wonderful to know

The things a woman knows

How marvelous to wait

for a date

In simply beautiful clothes

How lovely to be a woman

And change from boys to men

To go to a fancy nightclub

And stay out after 10:00

How lovely to be so grown up

And free

Life's lovely

when you're a woman

Like me

Hello? Oh? Well,

hold on, Operator.

Kim, it's for you.

She says it's long distance.

- Thank you, Doris.

- Who could be calling Kim...

- Did you say "Doris"?

- It's the modern way, dear.

Makes mother and daughter

more like friends.

Harry, I think you took the news

about Hugo and I awfully well. Hello?

- She called you "Harry."

- Yeah.

- Yes, this is Miss Kim McAfee.

- Yesterday I was a mother.

- Today I'm a friend.

- Yes, I'll hold on.

Well, maybe you could call me Mom.

That's modern.

Times are changing. You go along

or else you're out ot it.

Harry, do you have a cigarette?

I've run out.

Oh, so have I.

How about my pipe?

- Hello?

- Hello?

- Kim McAfee? I have a great prize.

- Harry? Kids.

You have been selected from all

the teenagers in the United States...

to be kissed by Conrad Birdie on

The Ed Sullivan Show this Sunday night.

We'll be in touch. Good-bye!

Conrad Birdie?

To kiss me?

Mother!

- Mommy!

- Baby! What happened?

Conrad Birdie's

coming here to kiss me!

- Isn't that nice?

- You don't understand!

Conrad Birdie's coming

to Sweet Apple to kiss me!

Oh, Mommy!

I never thought I'd say it,

but God bless Conrad Birdie!

Conrad Birdie's

coming here to kiss me!

Now, listen. Now,

the absolute instant he appears...

now I'll introduce Kim to him.

Then we'll all recite our pledge

of everlasting loyalty.

The plane!

The plane's almost landed!

We love you, Conrad

Oh, yes, we do

We love you, Conrad

and we'll be true

When you're not near us

we're blue

Oh, Conrad, we love you

We hate you, Conrad

Oh, yes, we do

We don't hate anyone

as much as you

Your singing makes us say, P.U.

Oh, Conrad, we hate you

We love you, Conrad

Oh, yes, we do

We don't hate anyone

as much as you

When you're not near us

we're blue

- We love you

- We hate you

Hugo wants to talk to Kim.

That's if it's okay with Kim.

- Certainly, Hugo.

- Well, Kim...

Yes?

Hugo, what do you want?

Gee, Kim, the fellows

are makin' me do this.

But just the same, they're right.

Kim, you can't

go through with this.

Hugo, please be mature.

Doesn't gettin' pinned

mean anything these days?

It means everything.

It's sacred.

Well, then how can you let

another man kiss you and in public?

- I assure you I won't even feel it.

- Huh?

- I'm just a symbol.

- A symbol?

Don't you see?

This is bigger than us.

Why, all this publicity

for Sweet Apple.

Thousands of people

will move here.

We'll have

a population explosion.

And just think what this will do

for your father's undertaking business.

- Hey, yeah, you're right.

- Yeah.

But you really don't go

tor that Birdie creep, do you?

What do my eyes tell you?

No, you don't.

I can see you're all mine.

Forever...

starting right atter

The Ed Sullivan Show on Sunday night.

Right atter The Ed Sullivan Show

on Sunday night.

Hey, we'll be late!

One, two, three!

We love you, Conrad

Oh, yes, we do

We love you, Conrad

and we'll be true

When you're not near us

we're blue

Well, I told her off, guys.

- She knows where I stand.

- But she's leaving.

- That's to make the population explode.

- Anyone for the reception, kids?

Gee, Mr. Paisley, we think you're okay

even if you are the English teacher.

It should be

a fascinating experience.

- Yeah, but are you with them?

- "With them?"

Yeah, that Birdie creep...

He's poisoned our women.

It's bad enough the mayor's a fink,

but you, Mr. Paisley...

Well, you see, fellows, as a teacher

and a brand-new American citizen...

with an unquenchable thirst

for knowledge...

I feel I should witness this

unique sociological phenomenon, hmm?

Yeah, guys, suppose

I do let Kim kiss him?

I only want to see

a unique so... so...

phenomenon.

- Hugo, the fink!

- So long, fink!

- Fink!

- Oh, what a fink!

Here are the gentlemen from the press.

I'll handle them. You go find the mayor.

We want him! We want him!

Here's your speech.

Learn it and hurry!

We want him! We want him!

- Look this way, please.

- What's your name?

- Conrad Birdie.

- No, no, your name.

She doesn't even know her name.

"We want him!"

I beg your pardon.

May I add a welcome from Sweet Apple?

I'm Claude Paisley.

Kim McAfee's my student in English.

- How do you do? I'm Rose DeLeon.

- Nice to know you.

- And you're?

- Hugo.

I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you.

- Hugo Fink.

- Hello, Mr. Fink. How are you?

Now, please

don't think me forward.

But it you do have any spare time

during your visit...

I'd appreciate discussing

Mr. Birdie with you.

Well, I'm afraid

I'll be very busy...

but thank you.

Watch it, Rube.

Don't bend the fur.

He's coming! Look, everybody!

He's coming! Here he comes!

We love you, Conrad

Oh, yes, we do

We love you, Conrad

and we'll be true

When you're not near us

we're blue

Oh, Conrad, we love you

Betore you hear

from the girl upon whom...

you have chosen to bestow

your final kiss upon...

we will now recite

the Conrad Birdie pledge.

I, being of

sound mind and body...

do hereby promise...

to be loyal, courteous,

steadfast and true...

to Conrad Birdie

and the United States of America...

both indivisible,

with liberty and justice for all.

As the fortunate girl

whom you have selected...

to represent all my fellow girls,

I welcome you.

Now, Mayor, now.

Speech here.

And now I present this key

to our city to our honored guest...

Conrad Birdie.

He said it!

He said the name!

What happened?

All I said was Conrad Birdie.

Girls, you're going to have to stop that

or I can't finish my speech.

Who cares about your speech?

We want to hear Conrad!

He's not so much.

You gotta be sincere

Edna, what's wrong?

You gotta be sincere

Birdie, what are you doin'?

You gotta feel it here

'Cause if you feel it here

Well, then you're gonna be

Honestly sincere

If what you feel is true

You really feel it

You make them feel it too

Write this down now

You gotta be sincere

Honestly sincere

Man, you've gotta be

Sincere

If you're really sincere

If you're really sincere

If you feel it in here

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