C.r.a.z.y. Page #3

It's a miracle.

You know you made your father cry?

Don't ever scare us

like that again.

Feel like talking?

I'll come back later.

While my mother performed

charitable works daily...

her Baby Jesus

had only one thing on his mind.

You a**hole!

What're you doing?!

F***ing liar.

The hottest was a black chick.

It was like

she'd never eaten before.

Mind you, they smoked a couple

of joints. Makes you hungry.

She sucked him like a Hoover!

He held her head,

thrusting as deep as he could.

The harder she sucked,

the more he screamed.

The more he screamed,

the harder she sucked.

Ever had a blow job?

What do you want?

I was wondering

where my shades went.

Going somewhere?

Boy, is this gonna cost me!

I didn't ask for nothing.

Your neck still sore?

We're out of HP Sauce.

You get a 2-for-1 special today.

You'll learn to drive properly

and how to make your father's

world-class spaghetti sauce.

Let's go,

before your mother catches us.

Go ahead. Turn the key,

put it on ''D.''

Good. Slowly, now.

Go ahead.

- HP Sauce?

- That's my secret.

Watch where you're going

and shut up.

Lesson number one:

shut up and drive.

Go ahead.

Slow down!

What are you, nuts?

What are you doing?

The school principal just called.

Seems your son's been spreading

rumors about Raymond!

I won't stand for smut around here!

Much less drugs!

What?

If I have to call the police

to make Raymond understand,

I'll do it this time!

What's all this about?

Huh?!

What's this?

His little brothers live here!

Stay away from me, I said!

I didn't rat him out.

He's already gone.

I didn't even say goodbye.

could be the wrong time,

but can I have his room?

- I want it!

- No one's taking his room.

Especially not you.

Does this mean

we're not just friends anymore?

I dunno.

What do you think?

What's he doing here?

Toto the Weirdo.

Forget him.

Peeping Tom.

What're you looking at?!

F***er.

She's so excited.

I couldn't get a word in edgewise.

She went on and on about Brigitte.

We'll never hear the end of it.

Seems she's putting together

a big show with her boyfriend

this Christmas Eve.

- With the Italian?

- No, she's back with the other.

The mambo dancer?

He missed her big knockers.

Who's the pig

who ate all my lard spread?

Think of your little cousin Daniel;

he burned himself.

Too bad!

Rutting teenager

in his natural habitat.

Shut up!

What teenager?

You didn't come

just for my Tupperware?

How are you coping

with your gift?

Beautiful story.

A man dreamed he was walking

with Christ on the beach

while watching scenes of his life

flash across the sky.

Upon turning around,

he noticed that

throughout most of his life,

there were two sets

of footprints in the sand,

his and those of Christ.

Except during the worst times

of his life,

when there was only one set

of prints.

The man said to Jesus,

''You promised

you would walk with me always.

Why did you forsake me

when I needed you most?''

Jesus replied...

''There was only one set

of footprints in the sand

during the worst times

of your life,

because I carried you.''

I want to be like everyone else.

Thank God, you never will.

What got into you?!

You have to learn

to control yourself!

I'm not going to the Christmas

party this year.

The guy was twice his size.

The little bastard's got nerve.

He gets that from his old man.

He's been doing well lately, huh?

You call that doing well?

A little fight's no big deal.

We should get him something special

this year, don't you think?

He just needed a girlfriend.

Michelle's a nice girl.

He said she invited him over

for Christmas Eve.

He'll be 16.

We can start

cutting him a little slack.

You didn't agree?

I said we'd discuss it.

She can join us, if she wants

to spend Christmas with him.

She can't take him away from us

on his birthday.

He can do whatever he wants

when he's older.

In the meantime, we celebrate

Christmas as a family.

What about a new stereo

for his room?

I can't believe

what a good ear he has.

He gets that from me, too.

- I didn't do anything.

- Don't take me for an idiot!

What you did was wrong!

I didn't do anything.

- A liar, too!

- Let him explain.

See what that pram business

and your mollycoddling does?

He's never to set foot here again!

Is that clear?!

lf you can't choose the right

friends, we'll do it for you.

F***ing little f*ggot.

And you, you sap,

get dragged into it!

- Let him speak!

- Stop defending him!

I know what I saw!

What you did was wrong.

You don't do this.

We went in to warm up, that's all.

Did we ever beat you?

Do we have to start,

so you stop mocking us!

I'm sorry.

I don't understand.

After everything

we've done for him.

This shouldn't be happening to us.

It can happen to anyone.

It's no one's fault.

Father Charbonneau says

we mustn't seek to lay blame.

Father Charbonneau?

I had to talk to someone.

- What am l, chopped liver?

- You're impossible to talk to.

- The whole neighborhood will know.

- Of course not.

No one else is to know about this.

Is that clear?

This is strictly a family matter.

What did the priest

have to say?

It's a sin, yes, but not the end

of the world. He's not alone.

The sin is in the act,

not the inclination.

Look who's talking.

Him and his cassock!

Don't start.

He says he knows a priest

who's real good with teenagers.

Forget it.

It's not a priest he needs.

Sometimes I wonder

why we pray to a long-haired guy

who hangs out with a bunch of guys

in robes.

- It's fishy.

- Honestly!

Why are there

no female priests, then?

They're starting

to get on my nerves.

Anyway, we'll take care

of his problem immediately.

It's all in his head.

Abnormal people get treated.

People aren't born that way,

they become so.

It's up to us to make sure

that our son doesn't.

Nature doesn't make mistakes.

There's no in-between.

It's one or the other -

a boy or a girl.

I'm willing to pay for a shrink

if necessary.

Our boy is a boy.

No way I sired a fairy.

We'll wipe any such notions

right out of his head!

You have to be sick

to spend your life sticking

your pecker up someone's ass!

You've got a short memory.

That was different.

And we only tried it once.

Once?

Once or twice.

I don't remember.

Well, I do.

I'm not seeing a shrink.

I'm warning you.

I don't have a problem.

Understand?

He does take after his father.

He's freaking out over nothing.

Nothing happened.

We didn't touch each other.

We jerked off in the same car,

no big deal.

Why do it together,

then?

Watching him excited you?

I didn't watch him.

Do I look like a fag?

Do I talk with a lisp?

Strut like a peacock?

Nice idea of homosexuals

you've got there.

They're not all like that.

They all become that way.

Sooner or later.

This is a waste of time.

I'm not a fag.

I'd rather die.

It's just a figure of speech.

Isn't it obvious?

Being happy and healthy,

or miserable and f***ed-up?

It's a no-brainer.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes