Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever

---

Ew!

I didn't see anything!

They were yelling.

They're always yelling.

All I wanted was

some peace and quiet.

Relax, man.

You just hit a moose.

A moose?

Are you sure?

Yeah, man, I see this kind

of sh*t all the time.

In fact, this ain't sh*t

compared to what just happened

on l-95 recently.

I mean, a lady hit a moose

and the motherf***er

went right through

the windshield, man.

No.

Yeah.

I was partying

with my cousin.

- You know...

- What kind of partying?

...partying like...

- Okay.

...getting some hair pie

like the man from Nantucket

whose dong was so long them

b*tches couldn't even f*** it?

And this f***ing moose pissed

on my p*ssy parade, man.

I had to come down on

a Sunday because he's sitting

in the front seat of

a Volvo wide awake

with his head sticking out

the cracks in the glass and sh*t, man.

Poor guy.

- I had to put him down.

- Whoa.

But I got

a picture of it.

I carry this sh*t with me now 'cause

every time I'd tell that story

nobody would believe me.

- Laugh it off, man.

- Okay.

- This ain't sh*t.

- Okay.

All right?

Just get the kids to school, all right?

Yeah, okay.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Stop!

Winston, do you copy?

Winston, do you copy?

Yes, sir, I'm here.

Where the hell are you?

Smith Bridge Road. I'm still clearing

the scene from that bus accident.

I don't give a sh*t

if it's a handicapped bus

and there's a bunch of

retards splattered all over the road.

I need you

back here now.

There's a bunch

of suits up here

asking a whole lot of big-city questions

about the way we do things.

They were

up at the cabin this morning

and I need to make sure

that your stupid ass

is on the same page.

Do you get me?

Yes, sir, I'm on it.

Sandy Taylor's

f***ing ridiculous.

Yo- yo, John, you were

just asleep at the wheel

for the hottest girl

in school.

Yeah, not my type.

Wait, Sandy is

not your type?

What does that even mean?

Does that mean you're gay?

Did you tell your dad?

Was he bummed, or-

Dude, you see her every day.

You know she's a nightmare.

No, I don't know that.

In fact, neither do you.

You don't even have a type,

John, you have an obsession.

'Cassie!

Cassie, I love you!

Would you kiss me?

Would you-'

Seriously, man, don't take your f***ing

blue balls out on me, man.

Don't think you're the only

dude here thinking about

taking Miss Gorgeous

to Boomtown.

I actually know you are

the only person here

dumb enough to take

a girl out whose ex-boyFriend

does have a f***ing black belt

in kicking teeth in.

Look, man, I told you-

there's no way that she's

gonna go with me

just days after breaking up with him.

Why do you care anyway?

You hate the prom,

so drop it.

I know, prom blows.

But this is a whole different thing.

This is important for you.

You know what I mean?

This is like...

Besides, it really just proves how little

you know about girls anyway.

So- hey, I'm f***ing talking.

Come on.

If she broke up with him,

it's 'cause she finally realized

how big of a f***ing

douchebag the guy is.

And going to prom with you, that's like

the ultimate power move, all right?

You're the smartest dude

in school,

you've f***ing known

the girl your whole life,

and you're head over heels

in love with her.

All right?

I mean, come on.

Spite is almost as important

to those b*tches as- as money.

You know what I mean?

She knows all this.

I mean, now that Marc

is out of the picture,

revenge is exactly

what she needs.

For every single girl

in this building,

that is the priority-

revenge.

I mean, look at those two

f***ing savages right there.

Hey.

Oh, that's how it is-

All right, all right,

I'll think about it.

Just f***ing do it.

Shave your p*ssy, get it over with.

I'm rallying for your f***ing cause.

You need to do this thing.

All right,

I'm thinking about it.

You'll regret it

if you don't.

Oh, f***.

I gotta get my goggles

from the car.

- Will you cover for me?

- What do you want me to say?

I don't know-

I'm on my f***ing period, man.

Gotta get tampons.

All right,

well, hurry up.

Whatever.

Ha!

Shut up. Don't say a word.

Listen, people are talking.

And how they're talking so soon when

it's none of their f***ing business,

I don't know.

But I hear things.

I don't like

what I hear.

So you and your

bullshit friends

better stay the hell

away from my girl.

Do you understand me?

Look, man...

- Get your hands off me.

- Okay.

Listen, I don't care

what she tells you

or what you think

you know, she's mine.

Do you get it?

It's cool, man.

It's cool?

- Yeah.

- Really?

You're dead.

It's frustrating. It's frustrating.

You- I'm frustrating to you.

I understand that.

Honey? Honey?

Sweetie, listen to me.

Angel, please

listen to me.

Don't hang-

don't hang-

You have anything to say for

yourself before I launch into my tirade?

Nothing?

There are five weeks

left in school.

Count them-

five weeks.

And you're a smart kid.

You got good grades.

You're going to college in the fall.

Why would you go and do

something so stupid

like start a fight?

Why?

I didn't start it.

I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.

What?

I said I didn't start it.

Mm-hmm.

Where are you supposed

to be right now?

Biology.

Biology.

Miss Hawker

or Mrs. Jennings?

Hawker.

Well, you better get

your little butt down there.

Not even I can

spare you from that.

Mmm.

- Jonathan?

- Yeah?

I don't want to see you

around here again, mmm?

Capisci?

Now get out.

Hi. I'm-

Place the scalpel at

the base of the throat

and carefully

make a slit

all the way down

the front

of the frog's belly.

Now...

Got in trouble for

being late, by the way.

Yeah, well, so did I.

...and tack it down...

I can't believe I missed

you getting your ass kicked.

That was, like, right after

I talked about her too.

Like telekinesis-

wait, telepathy or

teleki- which one?

You know, I don't really

want to talk about it, Alex.

I wonder if we would wait

till I left until he kicked your ass.

Somehow I don't think

it would have mattered.

Yeah, you're right. I don't even know

where I was going with that.

- Alex Hicks!

- Yes, ma'am?

Quiet!

- Sorry.

- That's strike two!

One more strike and you're

headed to the office.

- Mean old hag.

- Mm-hmm.

Now make an incision

through the muscular

tissue.

Hey.

No way.

You think what they say

about Mary is true,

- that she's pregnant?

- Shhh!

What?

Miss Hawker just told

you guys to shut up,

so shut up.

I'm trying to learn.

There's your prom date.

Oh, dude,

you know what?

F*** what I said about taking

Cassie to the prom, man.

Serious ramifications

involved.

Big f***ing problem.

Now set the heart aside.

Next is the liver.

Oh.

Aw.

Marc's a f***ing

douchebag.

Mmm.

Think if our dads were millionaires,

we'd be douchebags too?

I don't know.

You would be.

You little sh*t.

Hey, are you all right?

Yeah.

No.

What's the problem?

I got dumped.

Ungrateful sh*t.

I don't know the guy,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes