Cactus Flower Page #2

in half an hour.

Charles?

Mr. Charles,

the hairdresser.

Today he's taking

care of me personally.

I can't keep him waiting.

Really, Mrs. Durant,

your teeth are more important

than your hair.

You really believe that,

don't you?

(SIGHS)

Sad.

(SNIFFS) Mmm!

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Dr. Winston's office.

Good morning, Mrs. Andrews.

Well, the doctor

is booked solid today.

Well, let me check with him.

Excuse me, Doctor,

Mrs. Andrews

is on the phone.

Her bridge is wobbling.

Tell her to come in

at 8:
00 tomorrow morning.

Yes, Doctor.

And Mrs. Durant is here.

When you get a minute,

I'd like to speak to you.

All right.

Mr. Greenfield,

please don't handle

the instruments.

Say, I was reading the other

day that there's a dentist

in New Jersey

who has topless nurses.

I didn't know

you were interested

in reading.

She really turns me off.

I thought

all Swedish dames

were sexy.

I mean, I've seen

some of those movies,

but this one's

like an iceberg.

She's very efficient.

Have you ever seen her

out of her uniform?

I mean,

in street clothes?

I'll bet she wears

corrective hats.

Harvey, what you don't like

about Miss Dickinson

is exactly what I do like

about her.

She's like a wife,

a good wife,

devoted, competent

takes care of everything

for me during the day.

And at night,

she goes home, to her home.

And I, with no problems

and no cares,

go to my girl.

My life is arranged

the way I like it.

Your girl?

One girl? Singular?

Didn't I tell you?

It's been a year now.

Huh. That's not

the old Julian Winston

I knew in the old days.

The dancing dentist

at the Copa every night

with a new girl.

Toni has changed all that.

I don't want anyone else.

You mean you're in love

with her?

I tried to fight it.

Take last night.

I deliberately broke

a date with Toni

to go out

with another girl.

Airline stewardess,

tall, built,

spectacular-looking

Australian girl.

We went up to her place...

Yeah.

...had a few drinks.

Yeah.

Open.

Bite. Stay that way.

Hey, you can't leave me

hanging like this.

You wanted to see me

about something?

Yes, Doctor.

I've been meaning

to speak to you

about Mr. Greenfield's bill.

Miss Dickinson, you know

he's an old friend of mine.

Well, I think he's taking

advantage of you.

Miss Dickinson,

there are some things

a man just can't do.

I won't push

Harvey Greenfield

for money.

I've known him too long.

You do it.

Well, I'll be happy to.

What's this?

I ordered you

some new shirts.

The ones you're wearing

are frayed

around the collar.

You really should change

laundries. They're using

too much starch.

Please stop mothering me.

Here's a letter

for you, Doctor.

When I'm through

with Mr. Greenfield.

Rinse, please.

So, you went up

to her place.

Hmm?

You went up to her place,

you had a few drinks...

Oh, oh, yes.

The stewardess.

Yes, beautiful girl.

Beautiful.

Well, then what happened?

Oh, nothing.

Toni stopped me.

Toni? She showed up?

In my mind.

Suddenly I saw

her face before me

and I couldn't

go through with it.

I left, walked out.

You wasted

a whole stewardess?

Open.

You going to get married?

Married? Who said anything

about getting married?

If you feel that way

about your girl...

I feel that way about my girl

because she is my girl.

You'd never catch me

feeling that way

about a wife.

Look, Harvey,

I've got a perfect setup.

Why spoil it

by getting married?

Well, that's a very

healthy outlook.

But what about her?

No problem.

All girls

want to get married.

I know. I've been

subdivided three times.

Not Toni Simmons.

She thinks

I'm already married.

Julian, you pulled

that old stunt

on her, huh?

The minute I met her,

I knew this girl

could make me do anything.

So just to protect myself

in the clinches

I told her that I had

a wife and three children.

Three children

is a nice touch.

Yeah, and I told it to her

right away

so that everything

between us would be

open and aboveboard.

Very good. Very good.

That's such a big, dirty,

rotten, filthy lie,

it has class.

(AIR HISSING)

I'm going to put this back

temporarily.

It should hold you

till next week.

All right, bite down hard.

That's it.

Stay like that.

Would you give Mr. Greenfield

another appointment?

Yes, Doctor.

Uh, I know you won't

have time to go out

for lunch today

so I, I made you some

of your favorite sandwiches,

chicken and egg salad.

Again?

The way you always

liked them.

If you say so.

Oh, Dr. Winston,

I'm so terribly sorry

I was late.

It's all right, dear lady.

That is all right.

But I understand

we've been very naughty.

Oh, I don't know

about you,

but all I had

was one little caramel.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Besides being bad

for your teeth,

Mrs. Durant,

think of how caramels

can hurt

those splendid hips.

Oh, isn't he

a marvelous dentist?

Great.

But with his talents

he would have made

an even better obstetrician.

In here, Mrs. Durant.

JULIAN:

See you next week, Harv.

Now wait a minute.

I listened to you

about your girl.

Let me tell you

about mine.

I'm running a little...

She's a beautiful girl

with a figure

like a Greek goddess.

Yeah, yeah.

Great, big,

beautiful eyes.

Yeah, but her teeth

need work.

They overlap a little,

and I promised her...

Harvey, you pulled this

on me before.

MISS DICKINSON:

Doctor, Mrs. Durant is ready.

But, Julian,

old buddy...

Oh, all right, send her in

and I'll see what I can do.

But don't you know any girls

with straight teeth?

Excuse me, Sergeant...

Uh, Miss Dickinson.

Dr. Winston asked me

to make an appointment

for a lady friend of mine.

How about

a week from Tuesday

at 7:
00 a.m.?

You're kidding.

I'm asleep at 7:
00 a.m.

Oh, I thought the appointment

was for a lady.

That's right.

We're both asleep

at 7:
00 a.m.

(TITTERING)

I'm sorry.

I hope I haven't

shocked you.

No, but it must be

a terrible shock for her.

JULIAN:

Will you get me

Mrs. Durant's chart, please?

Yes, Doctor.

By the way, Mr. Greenfield,

who is paying

for this treatment?

HARVEY:

Put it on my tab.

There is no more room

on your tab.

HARVEY:
Julian.

I feel insulted.

It isn't as if I'm

planning to stick you.

It isn't as if

you're planning

to pay me, either.

Look, uh,

things are a little slow

for actors

this time of year.

But as soon as

the new television

season starts...

How about Thursday

at 5:
30 in the afternoon?

Or is that too early?

We'll set the alarm.

Uh, will you prepare

an anesthetic syringe,

please?

Yes, Doctor.

You said something

about a letter?

Yes.

Oh, and by the way,

your tailor called

about your fitting.

That's something

I can't do for you

any more than I can go

to the barber for you,

which, by the way,

you could also use.

Oh, my God!

What's wrong, Doctor?

Why didn't you

show me this before?

Well, I tried to, but...

Doctor! Doctor!

Are you leaving?

What about Mrs. Durant

and all the other patients?

You handle it.

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