Cactus Flower Page #9

have you ever been

to a diplomatic ball?

Me? It's a little

out of my line.

Tonight there will

be such a function

at the Waldorf.

It will be very boring

unless you do me the honors

of accompanying me.

What about your wife?

Must we take my wife

everywhere?

Besides, she's spending

a week at a fat farm.

Thank you, Seor Sanchez,

but I rarely go out

on weekdays,

and I don't have

the kind of clothes...

I can buy you anything.

In a Swiss bank,

I have $20 million.

It's nice

of you to ask me,

but I'm afraid not.

But, I must warn you,

the men in my family

are very persistent.

For 200 years

after Columbus

we persisted in thinking

that the world was flat.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

MAIL BOY:

Package for Mrs. Winston.

Mrs. Win...

Yes, I, I'll take it.

I didn't know

Dr. Winston

was married.

Well, it's always a shock

when it happens

to someone you know.

Miss Dickinson, we're running

low on acrylic cement.

I wish you'd reorder it.

Yes, Doctor.

I did that already,

yesterday.

(LAUGHS)

The firing squad.

No, no, no.

No blindfold, huh?

Doctor, this package

just arrived

for Mrs. Winston.

Oh, yes, that, uh,

that's a present for you.

For me? From whom?

One of your fans.

"As ever, Julian."

For me.

For me!

(QUAVERING)

From Julian.

Miss Dickinson,

the patient's

x-rays, please.

Yes, Doctor.

Oh, Doctor,

I'm so overwhelmed.

That present...

I don't know

how to thank you.

Don't thank me.

Well, who else?

And that lovely card,

"As ever, Julian."

What?

Oh. Yes, of course.

I, uh,

I wanted to get you

something that

I thought you'd like.

After all, you've put up

with a lot from me lately.

I never dreamed

I'd, I...

I never expected

anything like this.

Oh, it's... It's all right,

if you like Horowitz.

Horowitz? Must be

the name of the furrier.

Oh. Ah.

Miss Dickinson, these are

Harvey Greenfield's x-rays.

I'm so sorry, Doctor.

(STAMMERING)

What is it, Doctor?

Is there something

wrong with my x-ray?

You know

how nervous I am.

Hello, Anna.

I want you to run over

to Lucille's dress shop.

There's an evening dress

I was looking at.

I want you to buy it for me.

I need it tonight.

I'm going to a ball.

Doctor, you can

tell me the truth.

Um, it is an abscess?

The, the nerve is dead?

All my teeth have to go?

Doctor, talk to me,

please!

What is she?

Your dearest friend?

Do you realize

how much I paid

for that mink?

Oh boy, you're never

going to stop

nagging me about it.

You're beginning to sound

just like a husband.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

A square husband.

Hi. You said you wanted

to read my play.

Thanks, Igor.

Hey, what are you doing

for dinner tonight?

It depends.

What have you got

in your refrigerator?

We're going out for dinner.

You want to come with us?

I'm sure Igor

would be very bored.

No. Not if

you're paying for it.

I'll put on a tie.

Why? Are you having

your beads re-strung?

I thought we were

going to have

a quiet little dinner?

Well, Igor's

very depressed.

There's a lot of that

going around now.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Why'd we come back here?

It's the one place

we won't bump

into Dr. Winston.

Why don't you want

to bump into Dr. Winston?

Let me put it to you

this way, shut up.

Hello, Harvey.

How are you?

How am I?

I'm sore as hell,

that's how I am.

I don't blame you,

Harvey, but listen...

You treated me like

I was dirt and

you were Mr. Clean.

Look, I'm having

a rough time.

As long as I was

lying to her,

everything was fine.

But the minute

I decided

to do the right thing

and marry her,

I've had nothing

but troubles.

You wouldn't believe

the complications.

It's like waltzing

in wet cement.

I haven't even been able

to spend one night

alone with her.

I'd better get back, Harvey,

before she sees us together.

If you work for the CIA,

how come you hang around

with dentists?

He's installing a miniature

radio transmitter

in my wisdom tooth.

What were you

doing talking to

that awful man?

I was getting lonesome

for the sound

of a human voice.

Can I have another

glass of beer?

Not yours.

Why did we have

to come here tonight?

Well, after what

happened last time,

it's the one place

we're sure not to

run into your wife.

This is very interesting.

What made you suggest this?

It's the one place

we're sure not to

run into my boss.

Oh, thank you, Arturo.

The ball was marvelous.

Oh, no, no, no.

You were marvelous.

What shall we drink?

Let's have some of that

crazy Idaho champagne.

Hey. Look at that!

I can hardly believe

that's Stephanie.

It is.

I recognize the mink.

Oh, that gown is absolute

poetry. Everybody at the ball

was staring at it.

It's a copy

of a copy.

Oh, but a girl like you

should have

nothing but originals.

In a Swiss bank,

I have $20 million...

Well. Didn't take her long

to find somebody else.

Toni, do you want to

let me in on this?

Who's that woman?

Julian's wife.

Not bad, Julian.

As a matter of fact,

she's very attractive.

Thank you.

Say, Igor, I didn't

know you went

for the older ones.

Look who's talking.

(INAUDIBLE)

(LAUGHING)

There's Dr. Winston.

Where?

Oh, dear.

(SIGHS)

It seems I just can't

get away from that man.

Would you like to leave?

No, no, no,

let's ignore him.

After all, my evenings

are my own.

What about your weekends?

They belong

to my nephews.

Oh, I see.

El Bravo, you're not

going to give up

that easily, are you?

Of course not.

Did I tell you the time

I played a whole game

of polo with a broken leg?

No, tell me about it.

Hey, isn't that the woman

from the other night?

Yeah, I do believe

you're right.

Who is she?

That's the dentist's,

uh, wife.

Well, who's that

with the dentist?

That's his fiancee.

He has a wife

and a fiancee?

Well, it's better

than having two wives.

Then who's the man

with Mrs. Winston?

Her new boyfriend.

Who's the guy

with Dr. Winston

and his girl?

That must be

her boyfriend.

I think the whole

thing is shocking.

Shall we?

(LAUGHS)

Look at them

dancing.

You're not jealous,

are you?

She shouldn't leave

her mink

lying around like that.

Someone might take it.

It's her mink now.

Come on, let's dance.

Mrs. Winston!

Oh!

Here we are again.

Good evening, Doctor.

Good evening,

patient.

Well, you're certainly

blossoming out.

Doctor, you once

compared me

to my cactus plant.

Well, every so often,

that prickly little thing

puts out a flower

that some people think...

Miss Dickinson,

I strongly disapprove

of you making dates

with patients.

Really? Then how come

you fixed me up

with Harvey?

Look at them

acting so damn polite.

They're all

rotten, rotten.

What do you want them to do,

start kicking each other?

Rotten, rotten.

No, Julian,

like this.

That looks like fun.

Let us try it.

That's it, Stephanie.

Oh!

I've got it, huh?

Hi, Sergeant.

Hi, Harv.

Boy, you're terrific.

They've lost me.

You go dance with her.

Cheer up. One of these days

the fox trot may come back.

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