Caddyshack

All right, kids! Rise and shine!

Let's go, everybody!

Come on, girls! Enough with the hair!

Turn off that radio!

I talked to Pete Scalary last night.

He's going to get that training bra

back to you real soon. Who's in here?

Danny saw me naked!

You think you're cool!

-Who are you? What's your name?

-Dennis.

Did you brush your teeth?

Both of them.

When will you get a haircut?

Who is this?

That's your nephew!

What are we running, a restaurant?

Did you get out yesterday?

Twice.

I caddied for Ty Webb in the morning

and I had doubles in the afternoon.

How much is that?

It's about $30 plus tips.

Put it in the college fund!

He's like a three-year old!

You must tell him every time

he gets some money.

When you get back from Little League...

...let's do some painting on this house.

The Douglases got fake brick.

You don't have to paint it.

Hooray for the Douglases!

Oh, Jonathan! Bad boy!

Why not give the St. Copius Scholarship

people a call?

I don't know about that place.

I talked to a guy who went there.

He said there were only two girls

and they were both nuns.

I saw that! That's about $1 0 in change!

I had a couple of burgers

and some Cokes for lunch.

How many Cokes?

Four or five.

What are you, a diabetic?

You're not leaving

until we settle the college thing!

If he doesn't have something lined up

by September...

...l'll ask Tom Burdick to put him on

at the lumber yard!

He won't work at the lumber yard!

He isn't going to be a caddy all his life,

is he?

"l'm alright

Nobody worry about me

"Why you got to give me a fight?

Can't youjust let it be?

"Who do you want?

"Who are you going to be today?"

Hey, Mr. Webb. Can I ask you something?

Sure thing. Shoot, Timmy.

Danny.

When you were my age,

did you ever have trouble...

...deciding what you wanted

to do with your life?

No, I've never had that problem. Why?

Forget it. I didn't think you'd understand.

-Do you take drugs?

-Every day.

-Good. So what's the problem?

-I don't know.

Did you take the Cooter Preference Test...

...when you were a senior in high school?

Yes, I took it. They said

I should be a fire-watcher.

-What are you supposed to be?

-An underachiever.

I've got to go to college. I've got to!

Danny, this isn't Russia.

Is this Russia? This isn't Russia, is it?

I didn't think so. No, the thing is,

do you want to go to college?

In Nebraska?

Besides, it costs like $8,000 a year.

Hold on. I think I lent you $2.50 yesterday.

I can't pay for everything,

so don't ask for money.

My dad can't afford it.

I haven't told him about the scholarship

I didn't get.

I'll be working in a lumber yard

for the rest of my life.

What's wrong with lumber?

I own two lumber yards.

I notice you don't spend much time there.

I'm not sure where they are.

I like you, Betty.

That's Danny, sir.

Danny. I'm going to give you

a little advice.

There's a force in the universe...

...that makes things happen.

All you have to do is get in touch with it.

Stop thinking. Let things happen...

...and be...the ball.

Where's the wedge?

Find your center.

Hear nothing. Feel nothing.

That was kind of incredible, sir.

-You try it, Danny.

-Pardon me?

You try it.

Just relax. Find your center.

Picture the shot. Picture it.

Turn off all the sound.

Just let it happen. Be the ball.

Be the ball, Danny.

You're not being the ball, Danny.

It's difficult with you talking like that.

I'm not talking. Stop talking.

I'm not talking now.

Be the ball.

Where did it go?

Right in the lumber yard. It's okay.

We'll work on it.

Do you know what I just saw?

A gopher!

A gopher? Where?

Do you know what gophers can do

to a golf course?

I think they're tunneling in

from that construction site over yonder.

Czervik Construction Company?

I'll slap an injunction on them so fast

it will make their heads spin!

You get rid of those gophers...

...or I'll be looking for a new greenskeeper!

ls that clear?

Aye, sir! Very clear, sir!

I'll put my best man on it!

I'm looking at you.

You wore green so you could hide.

I don't blame you. You're a tramp.

That was a good one!

That was right where you wanted it.

You're a little monkey woman,

you know that?

You're a little monkey woman.

You're lean...

...and you're mean and you're not

too far between either...

...l bet, are you?

Would you like to wrap

your spikes around my head?

Damn your eyes, man!

I told you to cut the long grass

on the 13th and mow the practice green!

I was unavoidably detained.

You can forget about the 13th

and the practice green.

I've got a more important job for you.

I want you to kill every gopher

on the course!

Check me if I'm wrong,

but if I kill all the golfers...

...they'll lock me up

and throw away the key.

Gophers! Not golfers!

The little brown furry rodents!

We can do that.

We don't even need a reason.

Then do it, man!

I'll just do the same thing,

but with gophers.

It's not my fault nobody can understand

what you're saying.

Give me the Mets on three

and I'll take the Yankees even.

I'll call you back.

Caddyshack.

All right. I'll be right up.

Take over for me.

I'll be right back.

So I jump ship in Hong Kong

and make my way over to Tibet...

...and I get on as a looper at a course

in the Himalayas.

A looper?

A looper. You know, a caddy, a looper...

...a jock.

So I tell them I'm a pro jock

and who do you think they give me?

The Dalai Lama, himself.

The 1 2th son of the Lama.

With flowing robes, grace, bald, striking.

I'm on the first tee with him.

I give him the driver.

He hauls off and whacks one.

Big hitter, the Lama. Long!

Into a 1 0,000 foot crevice

right at the base of this glacier!

Do you know what the Lama says?

"Gunga galunga. Gunga gunga da gunga."

So we finish 1 8 and he's going to stiff me.

And I say, "Hey, Lama!

"How about a little something,

you know, for the effort?"

And he says, "There won't be any money...

"...but when you die, on your deathbed...

"...you will receive total consciousness."

So I've got that going for me...

which is nice.

Your ball is right over there.

Go straight and you can't miss it.

Mrs. Havercamp, you go that way

and it's right over....

Mrs. Havercamp, you need this.

I might, at that.

Mr. Havercamp, your ball is right

over here, sir.

No, Mr. Havercamp,

the green is over there. It's that way.

Sir, just bend a little that way

and swing away and...

...just straight up. That's fine. Great.

That's a peach, hon!

I'm hot today!

Did they die on you, Tony?

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