California Scheming Page #5

Black will look so good on you.

Of course, it's up to you.

We can try something

more like this --

kind of like what you

have going on but shorter.

It's just that I thought

you wanted to be different.

-Can I have one?

Let's do it.

-All right.

I need you to turn around

so I can cut the other side.

Now I need you

to close your eyes

and keep them closed until

I tell you to open them, okay?

-Okay.

-Gonna start with your bangs.

-Mm.

-Keep those eyes closed.

Just take it.

-Hey, dad.

Yeah. No.

-I'm with Chloe,

that girl I told you about.

Yeah.

You will love her.

She's so cool.

-You are one scary b*tch.

For a second, I thought

you were gonna slit her throat.

I loved it.

-So, what do you think?

Did I promise you too much?

-Absolutely not.

She's so naive --

hard to believe.

Comic relief.

By the way, did you get

that little package I sent you?

-You bet I did.

Haven't had the chance

to try it yet,

but I figured tonight

would be a good opportunity.

-Yeah.

It's not even fda-approved.

So take it easy, girl.

So, you're really

not gonna tell me

what you have in mind for her?

Come on, Chloe.

Now you got me so excited.

-All I can say is that she came

up with the idea all by herself

without even knowing it.

So I can't take any credit.

-Who are you talking to, Chloe?

-Oh.

Uh, this is my friend lily,

from New York.

-Hey.

-Hi.

Chloe was just telling me

how you're getting one

of her famous haircuts.

You remind me of someone.

Just can't put a name to it.

-Thanks.

-I'm not finished with you yet.

-I'm sure you're not.

Now I know who it is --

Danielle.

Remember Danielle, Chloe?

She used to go

to our old school.

Unfortunately, she had

to switch schools

a couple days ago.

Bad story.

Never mind.

I'll leave you two girls alone.

-Where were we?

-Hey, I really like

the new haircut.

Makes you look like uma thurman

in "Pulp Fiction."

What does that make you --

John Travolta?

Yeah. Okay.

So, where do

you want me to drive?

Like, where do you

want me to go?

-How about some creepy crawls?

-What's creepy crawls?

-I've heard of it.

Never done it.

It's when you go

into someone's house

and, like,

rearrange their furniture,

lie in their beds,

stuff like that

so when they come home, they

freak out and call the police.

They didn't steal anything,

so there's nothing they can do.

-These kids did it

in Beverly hills.

-Actually, Charles manson

came up with the idea first.

He coined

the term "creepy crawls."

-I'm sure somebody at some point

decided to prank their friend

and went into their house

and rearranged their furniture

before Charles manson.

-Ooh.

That's some heavy sh*t.

-I actually know the perfect

place to creepy crawl --

some rich guy's mansion

in the Hollywood hills.

-How do we get in?

-I know the security code.

-How?

-Let's just say I know it,

and end of story, okay?

Go straight

till I tell you what to do.

-Okay. Cool.

-Wait here.

Okay.

Okay. I found these

in one of my mother's boxes.

Her and her friends

used to wear them at parties.

Take one.

-I don't get it.

Why do we need these?

-There are security cameras

everywhere.

All right. Let's get out

and hop the fence, okay?

-Wait. How do you know

the house is empty?

-Just stop asking stupid

questions and trust me, okay?

Relax.

Put them on.

Go.

Go along the side of the house

and look in the windows

to make sure nobody's home.

Perfect.

Nobody's home.

All right.

You guys wait here.

I'm gonna go open

the front door, okay?

-Okay.

-Don't move.

Wha--

-wait.

Where's she going?

-Guess she's gonna let us in.

-Wow.

Guys, look at this place.

Oh, my God.

I could get used to that.

-What?

-What is it?

-There's no one in the kitchen.

-Hillary, get the light.

-Yeah, no one's upstairs.

We're alone.

-Okay.

Let's make ourselves at home.

-Now what?

-Now what?

How about a joint, huh?

Yeah!

-Thank you.

-You good?

- I'm good.

-You guys...

Let's move

all the furniture outside.

-I like that idea.

-Yeah.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's throw the couch in first.

Yo, mask on.

-Mm-hmm.

-Let's throw it in the pool.

Wow.

They should put

all their furniture underwater.

It's so much prettier that way.

-Hillary.

What a great idea.

Couldn't agree with you more.

-Underwater interior design.

You'd probably make a fortune

with that in Beverly hills.

-Let's go see

what else we can find.

-Somebody needs to go down there

and rearrange the furniture.

Come on, guys.

Strip.

What do you think, Hillary?

-Yeah. Strip.

-All right.

-We should go inside

and get some more furniture.

-Absolutely.

This is so much fun, Chloe.

Sorry I can be so lame.

-Don't worry about it.

-Just remember...

There will always be things

you'll never know

if you don't try.

Let's go.

-Okay.

-Whoo!

You guys

should see it down there.

It's crazy.

- That sounds fun.

Let's all do that.

-Okay.

- Ready?

-Get those legs in here!

-1, 2, 3!

Whoo!

I can't believe she did that!

What's wrong with her?!

-Easy.

Don't overreact.

It's just her way of having fun.

-Great.

Well, to me, it seems like

whenever anything is perfect,

she finds a way

to make it feel awkward.

I mean, what is this --

underwater porn?

-She probably saw it in one

of what's-her-name's videos.

And Jason

is like her little lapdog.

Whenever she throws him a bone,

he takes it.

There's someone on the balcony.

-What?

No, I don't see anything.

Hillary, I'm sure it's nothing.

-I really think we should

take our clothes and leave.

What are you guys doing?

-I really want to go home now.

-Yeah, there's someone up there.

-Come on, dude.

We checked this sh*t

when we came in!

No one's up there!

Let's get in the water and

have some fun! Come on, bro!

-Go check that balcony

and the room behind it.

-You can't be serious, bro!

Don't tell me you're f***ing

this up. You promised me.

She was f***ing blowing me.

Come on.

-So you didn't?

-So, f*** you, dude!

Come on!

What are we gonna do now?

-Let's just take our clothes

and get dressed.

Maybe he's right.

We're just being paranoid.

-But you saw something, too,

right?

-Yeah.

I'll go up there

and check it out.

-Wait!

I'm gonna go look

for some towels.

I'm gonna check the bathroom.

-Okay.

-Look what I found.

-Nice family.

You want to keep it?

-I wish I still had

your sense of humor.

The man in the photo...

Is the producer of the show

that Chloe auditioned for.

And if I understood her

correctly,

he also had an affair

with Chloe's mother.

Don't you think that's weird?

-Just put your clothes on.

Let's go check upstairs.

-I have an idea.

-Let's go get Jason and Chloe.

Come on. Come on.

Hey, there's two little girls

and their nanny

hiding in a room upstairs.

We need to get

the f*** out of here.

-So now you're scared

of kids and nannies?

Got to be kidding me.

As long as they stay upstairs,

we're fine.

Besides...

I'm having fun.

Aren't you, Jason?

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