California Split Page #5

- What is it?

After Chasen's, what?

- I don't know if I should tell you.

- Tell us. A little hint.

- Tell, please.

- Go ahead.

- It has something to do with music.

- Music.

You know?

Listen, before we go, let's have a cocktail.

I made us some daiquiris.

- How about it?

- Thank you.

- I'll get yours.

- Thanks.

You're my best friends.

- Really?

- Thank you, Helen.

Yeah, now you want to give this to Helen.

Honey, don't drink it. Give it to Helen.

It's just taking forever. What is that?

I might have to take the top off.

Okay, give this one to Helen.

Shake it up a bit.

That's for Helen now. That's good.

- Thank you.

- Here.

- Hurry, Barbara, I want to make a toast.

- Okay. Great.

To Helen and her new look.

- Yes, you look great.

- Elegant.

- Yes, elegant.

- Thank you.

- Wonderful.

- Who's that?

- Wait a minute. Are you expecting anyone?

- No.

- Are you sure?

- I'm positive.

Don't worry, honey, I can take care of it.

Don't worry.

- She can take care of it.

- I hope so.

She can take care of it.

She takes care of everything.

She does, really. I'll take care of you.

- Okay, ladies, Vice. We're Vice.

- Vice?

Detective Waters

and this is Detective Denny.

Which one of you girls is Barbara Miller?

- Barbara, you didn't say...

- The young one must be Susan Peters.

You damn cops just can't come in here...

Be quiet, and don't call us damn cops.

- What's your name, honey?

- Brown.

- Brown, huh?

- Yes, sir.

- First name?

- Helen.

- Helen Gurley Brown?

- No, sir.

What's going... Hey, come on now.

- It's not a laughing matter, girls.

- Close the door, will you?

- The door.

- Close the door.

And check the premises

for any marijuana or pot or firearms.

- I'm gonna check.

- I do not like the feel of this.

- You can't search this house without...

- You just be quiet, lady.

We'll run you downtown.

You feel like being frisked?

- No.

- You can't frisk a sweet old woman...

Yeah, well.

- Shalimar?

- Yes, sir.

- Smells good.

- Thank you.

- You got a cold?

- Yes, sir.

Oh, yeah.

- Here's a sourball.

- No, thank you.

- It's good for your throat.

- I don't even want this drink.

- Take a sourball.

- Got one for me?

Yeah, I got one for you.

You're like a more responsible older woman

than these girls.

- Are you misleading these young girls?

- No, I'm not.

- She's just a friend.

- They're not friends.

They're not? Why are you here?

- I'm a friend of their aunt's.

- Don't talk like that. Shut up.

We'll take them downtown and book them.

- Run them right downtown.

- Let's take them in.

- Charlie, let me have a word with you.

- You stay right there. Be quiet.

They're not friends of mine.

I'm a friend of their aunt's.

- What do you think, pal?

- The one in the middle looks dangerous.

- Her mouth turns down...

- I know. I don't trust her.

I think we ought to take her down

and book her.

How about we book the two on the end

and let the one in the middle go?

- You're feeling sorry for her, huh?

- I think so.

I'll make an exception.

You're sure?

Helen, stand back and look at me

when I talk to you.

Sorry.

- You look like a very well-dressed woman.

- I am.

- Good background. Well-educated.

- That's right.

Religious.

My partner and I are gonna believe

that you had nothing to do with...

- what's going on on the premises and that...

- I'm just a friend. Believe me.

But we do feel that you should vacate

the premises immediately.

- Bless you.

- Bye, Helen.

Take care of your cold, sweetheart.

Shut the door, Helen.

Bye.

- You people ought to be arrested.

- Jesus Christ!

- I can't believe you did that.

- What was that?

I love your brown shawl.

- Now, let's get...

- You're not really a policeman, are you?

No. Do you think if I was a cop

I would arrest you?

People, now how does Mexican food

sound to you?

- Mexican food.

- That sounds delicious.

Do we have time to change our clothes?

Get out of your work clothes

and into something comfortable.

Don't take too much time or we'll take Helen.

Excuse me.

And here we go.

You're crazy. It's a bet.

The black guy over there. What's his name?

The black guy?

- Take him out with a good punch.

- Come on, baby.

Boy, do we got Morgan.

Place your bet.

What do you want to bet?

$40 and $60.

I bet you even your man don't stop my man.

- You got it.

- Even money.

Come on, sit down, lady, sit down.

Come on, Roy.

We got the first round now. You got

the money they're floating you, right?

$15 on Collins.

Yeah. Okay. Collins is a wonderful guy.

Got good marks in school.

I know him.

He just don't fight too good, though.

He ought to be playing baseball

or something.

Want another $15 on this?

No, I got one bet left.

I'm gonna bet for your hat, man.

I wanna win your hat.

My man's gonna win this fight, yeah.

- You want my hat? My Bell Helmet hat?

- Yeah, right.

- Give it to him.

- Here, you got it.

- $10. Right.

- For your shirt.

- Get in there!

- Keep working!

Get in there!

I think that we won all three rounds.

Here you go.

Thanks a lot. I'll take the hat now.

You've seen Sugar Ray knock out Foreman.

Come on, people.

Thank you very much.

Come on, let's get out of here now.

Okay, you lay me 10-to-5.

I got suit and you got the lumberjack.

You gotta be nuts.

Why, lumberjack has got to be

2-to-1 over a suit, anytime.

- Okay. They both can't fight.

- Come on.

- $1,580.

- We're all winning.

Winning all over the place now.

The moon is shining high

Definitely, we'll have to take care of

you girls to make up for that silly old man.

But we're gonna make up

for Mr. Helen Gurley.

- What's the agenda?

- Right now we're off to the Latin Quarter.

Now, Latin Quarter. We'll go dancing.

We'll go anywhere you say now.

I mean, you and me

are knocking them dead with this $1,580.

Stick 'em up.

I'm sorry I hit your...

- Put her in the car, man.

- Stick 'em up, man.

I don't believe it. It's hard to believe.

Wait a second.

Put the money on the table.

I can hardly believe this right now.

I'll blow your f***ing face off.

- Don't you believe it?

- Will you do what he tells you?

- I don't believe this. Relax.

- I'll blow your f***ing head off.

Wait. You're not blowing nothing off.

I don't believe it.

We're getting robbed two nights in a row.

- Put the money on the table.

- Do what he tells you. Please, Charlie.

Wait a second now.

Okay, here's $780, man. That's it.

You got half and we're taking half.

Take the money and run.

Go ahead, $780, man.

Don't think about it. Take the money and go.

Get out of here, you f***ing bum!

Get out of here, man!

Cut our winnings in half.

- I call.

- I call.

- Take your hand off my knee, will you?

- I dropped a card.

- You're not allowed to do that.

- Your hand is dead.

- I can't help it, I dropped it.

- Then your hand is dead.

Hand's dead.

- Come on, let's go.

- What do you want?

She was aces full.

And what did you have, four what?

Hey, let her play her own cards.

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