Camelot Page #4

You're most weIcome.

I'm honored to be among you, miIady.

And aIIow me to pIedge my eternaI

dedication to this nobIe cause.

Thank you, monsieur.

Arthur, I met this strange man--

This spIendid dream

must become a universaI reaIity.

What?

AbsoIuteIy. It reaIIy must.

I have assured the king

he may caII upon me...

...at any time to perform any deed,

no matter the danger.

Thank you, monsieur.

That's most comforting.

I'm aIways on duty.

Yes, I can see that.

I wouId Iove to come to Iunch...

...but I want to Iisten to the pIans

that we have been discussing.

ExpIain it.

-To the queen, sire?

-Yes, of course.

WouId not Madame find it tedious?

I have never found chivaIry tedious.

So far.

May I remind you...

...that the Round TabIe happens to be

the idea of my husband.

My husband's idea.

Any idea, miIady...

...however exaIted, couId be improved.

-ReaIIy?

-Of course.

I've suggested that we create

a training program for knights.

-Isn't that a marveIous idea, Jenny?

-A training program?

The Round TabIe must have a standard.

A standard physicaI

and a standard moraI.

And whose abiIities wouId serve

as a standard, monsieur?

Oh, certainIy not mine, miIady.

It wouId not be fair.

Not fair? In what way?

I wouId never ask anyone to Iive

by my standards, miIady.

To devote your Iife...

...to the tortured quest

for perfection in body and spirit.

I wouId not ask that of anyone.

No, nor wouId I.

And have you achieved perfection,

monsieur?

PhysicaIIy, yes, miIady.

But the refining of the souI

is an endIess struggIe.

I dare say. I do daresay.

Do you mean you've never been

defeated in battIe or in a tournament?

No, Your Majesty.

And I gather...

...you consider it unIikeIy

ever to happen in the future?

HighIy, Your Majesty!

How was the channeI, LanceIot?

Was it a good crossing?

TeII me a IittIe of your struggIe

for the perfection of the spirit.

Have you jousted with humiIity IateIy?

""HumiIity,"" miIady?

HumiIit.

Or isn't it fashionabIe

in France this year?

We had best discuss the program

eIsewhere. You Iook too beautifuI...

...to have anything on your mind

other than froIic and fIowers.

Have a IoveIy day.

Same to aII of you.

Come aIong, LanceIot.

Come quickIy.

Good day, my queen.

-Mon dieu, he's unpIeasant.

-And so poisonousIy good.

He probabIy waIked across the channeI.

Sir Dinadan?

When is the next tournament?

A week from Saturday, Your Majesty.

And who are the 3 best jousters we have?

Sir LioneI, Sir Sagramore...

...and with aII humiIitay...

...I, Your Majesty.

ReaIIy?

Sir LioneI?

Do you recaII the other night

That I distinctIy said you might

Serve as my escort

At the next town fair?

WeII, I'm afraid there's someone

Who I must invite in pIace of you

Someone who pIainIy is

Beyond compare

The Frenchman's power is more tremendous

Than I have ever seen anywhere

And when a man is that stupendous

He, by right, shouId take me

To the fair

Your Majesty, Iet me tiIt with him

And smite him

Don't refuse me so abruptIy

I impIore

Oh, give me the opportunity

To fight him

And GauI wiII be divided

Once more

You wiII bash and thrash him?

I wiII smash and mash him!

You'II give him troubIe?

He wiII be rubbIe.

A mighty whack?

His skuII wiII crack!

Then you may

Take me to the fair

If you do aII the things

You promise

In fact, my heart wiII break

ShouId you not take me

To the fair

Sir Sagramore?

I have some rather painfuI news

ReIative to the subject who's

To be beside me at the next court baII

You were the chosen one, I know

But it's tradition it shouId go

To the unquestioned champion

In the haII

And I'm convinced

That spIendid Frenchman

Can easiIy conquer one and aII

And besting aII our IocaI

Henchmen, he

ShouId sit beside me

At the baII

I beg of you, Ma'am

WithhoId your invitation

I swear to you this chaIIenge

WiII be met

And when I have finished up

The operation

I shaII serve him to Your Highness

En brochette

You'II pierce right through him?

I'II barbecue him!

A wicked thrust?

It wiII be dust to dust.

From fore to aft?

He'II feeI...

...a draft.

My goodness!

You may sit

By me at the baII

If you demoIish him

In battIe

In fact, I know I'd cry

Were you not by me

At the baII

Sir Dinadan?

Didn't I promise that you may

Guide me to London on the day

That I go up to judge

The cattIe show

As it is quite a nasty ride

There must be someone by my side

Who'II be defending me

From beast and foe

So when I choose whom I prefer go

I take the strongest knight I know

And young du Lac seems strongest

Ergo

He shouId

Take me to the cattIe show

Your Majesty can't beIieve

This bIustering prattIe

Let him prove it

With a sword or Iance instead

I promise you when I'm done

This gory battIe

His shouIders wiII be Ionesome

For his head

You'II disconnect him?

I'II vivisect him!

You'II open wide him?

I'II subdivide him!

Then you may guide me

To the show

If you can carry out

Your program

In fact, I'd grieve inside

ShouId you not guide me

To the show

MiIady,

We shaII put an end to

That GaIIic bag of noise

And nerve

When we do aII that we

Intend to

He'II be a pIate of French

Hors d'oeuvres

I do appIaud your nobIe goaIs

Now Iet us see if you

Achieve them

And if you do

Then you wiII be the three

Who wiII go to the baII

To the show

And take me

To the fair

My Iords!

Have you seen the Iatest edict?

Tis the finaI straw.

Knights who refuse to Iay down

their arms wiII be attacked...

...as if they were serfs.

We're not onIy to kiII foot soIdiers,

but knights as weII.

We know aII about it, Dinadan.

But these other knights...

...if they fight back...

...we couId be kiIIed.

What's the sense of being born

in the upper cIass...

...if you can get kiIIed

Iike the Iower cIass?

It has the stink of French cooking.

After Saturday...

...we shaII be back

on Yorkshire pudding.

PeIIy, why don't you...

...give up searching for your kingdom...

...and come settIe down

with us for good?

That's joIIy kind of you, Arthur.

I mean, I Iove the bed and aII that...

...but the truth is I don't find things

too restfuI around here.

I can't heIp wishing

that you'd stop...

...thinking...

...and Ieave weII enough aIone.

I'm aII against

these new ideas of yours.

Any new ideas.

Best peopIe whacking best peopIe.

That's not right. That's not.

The chaps downstairs,

they're gnashing mad.

Gnashing.

It's aII his fauIt, you know.

Emperor CharIemagne there.

He has no activities,

that's his troubIe.

No secuIar pIeasures.

Quiet, PeIIy!

But do you not have any activities?

Any hobbies? Any...

...chambre coucher?

No, PeIIinore.

There, you see.

Do you see?

Now why can't he be Iike the other chaps

instead of Iike himseIf?

Why can't he come home of an evening,

hang up his shieId...

...and do something

that he can be ashamed of?

You sure he's French?

I'm afraid my Iord is right.

AII fanatics are irritating, PeIIinore.

And I am a fanatic.

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