Camp Page #5

you had a girlfriend?

You didn't ask.

You never asked me

if I had a boyfriend,

but if I did,

I would've said something...

Except you assumed

I wouldn't have a boyfriend.

Right.

No sense in asking a question like

that to someone like me, right?

Stop it.

Stop it.

And I was supposed to assume

that you

did have a girlfriend.

And of course

that you screw around.

That's not true.

I'm sorry about Dee.

It's just...

I have no excuse.

It's all my fault.

Maybe you and I

only went out

because I thought

it would make you happy.

I'm sorry.

Right.

I knew that.

I knew that all along.

I guess

I just didn't care.

I guess

I just didn't care.

But tell me one thing.

What was going to happen to us

when we got back home?

Places!

Aah!

Jesus Christ!

Oh, god!

You sabotaged my makeup!

You b*tch!

I did not. Sit down.

Aah!

- I can't do it.

- Come on, Jenna.

Fritzi's

got multiple fractures,

and Jill's face looks like

40 miles of bad road.

You've got to do it.

I know you're scared.

It's not that.

My parents are here.

It's about time

they met their daughter.

Good job, Bert.

Really terrific.

Um...

Thank you. I had no idea

you chaired this benefit.

I'm giving a party

on the 18th.

I'll give you a call.

Great. Love to.

Great. Love to.

Who's that?

Go away.

What are you doing?

I'm going swimming.

Don't! I don't

even want to talk to you!

I want to apologize.

You are either the biggest

closet case I've ever seen,

you are either the biggest

closet case I've ever seen,

or you're just plain evil.

Why? I thought now

that you're straight...

don't get carried away.

I slept with her

'cause of you.

Me?

I figured you might

feel less threatened

if you thought I was capable

of sex with a woman.

I don't even know how

to respond to that, dude.

With a straitjacket,

perhaps?

Michael...

Things

went so good with Dee.

Isn't it just possible

that you're...

No.

The only thing

that's possible now

is that I'll get

beat up once too often

and decide to be with some

woman because I know I can.

It's not exactly something

I wish I knew.

You can't pin that on me.

We can't pin anything on you

'cause you're perfect.

I'm not perfect!

Except for that little

obsessive-compulsive thing.

Even that makes you

kind of sexily damaged.

I hate people like you.

I really do.

Vlad?

Vlad?

Vlad!

Oh, my god.

Water's freezing.

Why are you doing this?

Doing what?

Skinny-dipping.

Maybe I do flirt,

but if I do,

it's only because

I want to be liked.

And... Maybe I'm

a little confused.

Y-you're not confused.

You like girls.

Okay.

You're right. I do.

I was just trying

to give you what you want.

I'm an a**hole.

Man, I don't know.

I just love attention.

I'm an attention junkie,

I guess.

I'm an attention junkie,

I guess.

Why do I do sh*t

like that?

Michael...

Do you forgive me?

Do you?

Huh?

Come on!

Michael.

Mikey.

Michael.

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Do you?

Do you forgive me?

Ha ha ha!

Huh? Do you?

If I forgive you,

will you get off of me?

- Yeah.

- Then no.

- Oh, god.

- Ha ha ha!

Michael,

who are you with?

Oh.

Don't hate me.

I made up with him.

Where's Julie?

She broke up with me.

What?

She came here

'cause she wanted

to tell me in person.

Well, well, well.

How's that for a little

opening night present?

How does it feel to be

on the other end, lover boy?

Well, actually...

Never mind.

What?

Well, now that camp's

almost over,

and we live

kind of close to each other,

I was hoping that

we can go out sometime.

I know you're not

asking girlfriend

out for a date

after all this.

If she'll forgive me.

This boy

not only has cojones,

but he's got burritos

and huevos rancheros, too.

- Okay.

- What?

Really?

I'll go out with you.

You're like

some Jenny Jones guest!

Eventually I have to start

hanging out with boys

who don't wear dresses.

I thought we came here

to go swimming.

You coming in?

It's pretty cold.

It's pretty cold.

I'll take my chances.

Okay.

It's not that cold.

don't be a girl.

Leave that to Michael.

You two are like

a bad car wreck.

You two are like

a bad car wreck.

I wash my hands

of the both of you!

Quit splashing!

Action.

What a dump.

Hey, where's that from?

"What a dump."

Hey, where's that from?

"What a dump."

How would I know, Martha?

So you went to this camp.

What was that like?

I was consistently miscast...

Titus andronicus,

Stanley Kowalski.

Then there was the year they couldn't

find a girl to cast as Annie,

so I played "Andy."

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