Camp Nowhere Page #8

- Mom?

- Hmm?

- I'm really glad you came.

- Me too.

- Want a piece of chocolate cake?

- Sure.

Hey, Dad,

how're you holdin' out?

- [Groans] Freezing my nuts off!

- You can thaw 'em out later.

We got a cease fire

till 12:
45...

- so I snuck some lunch through the lines.

- All right.

- Hey, watch out!

- What? What?

Oh, a decoy.

Here.

Oh, man, that looks good.

Thanks.

- [Spits]

- [Machine Gun Fire]

I give up!

[Clears Throat]

- Mom? What?

- Sorry to wake you, Officer.

T.R. Polk,

Bulldog Collections.

Trying to get a line on a 1979 Gremlin,

Caribbean yellow.

That's strange.

So am I.

Is that so?

Tell me, you happen

to know this guy?

Mr. Polk, I think we have

something to talk about.

- This is ridiculous!

- Dad!

Duck!

Have a good one!

- Loads on the road.

- Go.

- All right, fat parents are clear. What's next?

- Hurry up!

We have 16 minutes to pull the switch.

This is the big one.

Go, go, come on!

Change to the last sign.

Check.

Fire.

- Hurry, Tim!

- Got it!

- [Tim] Uh-oh.

- We got trouble. The sign's stuck!

We got a snafu

at the sign, Mud.

[Ashley]

We're in big trouble!

Go, go!

Come on, Jill.

- Pull!

- It's stuck!

[Mr. Himmel] We'll be there in a couple of

minutes. I knew we could do it in two hours.

[Mud]

Talk to me, Amber.

- How much time do we have?

- 15 seconds.

Pete, Tim, do something!

Tim, it's over!

We're dead!

Whoa!

- [Groans]

- The sign's clear.

We may have lost Jill.

[Chuckles, Blubbers]

Let's go!

[Mr. Himmel]

You see, 82.5 miles.

The nerds are here.

Over.

I just don't understand

how we messed up the time.

- I thought it started at 5:00.

- Mega-regrets for the time confusion.

You can still catch

the end of our demo.

This is our computer center. We have

- Okay, we're cracking codes.

- [Dennis] Entry codes of course.

- [Mud] We're into Pineview.

- Let's see what we can do in mode yellow.

- What are you doing, boys?

- Mode yellow?

Is this Pineview...

Air Force Base?

Status confirm.

Yes or no?

- Yes!

- Yes!

- No!

[Walter]

Okay, let's scramble thejets.

- Good Lord, what is happening here?

- Relax, it's not a real alert.

They can't crack Pentagon codes.

[Laughing Nervously]

Can you?

- Incoming!

- [Shouting]

[Dennis]

Well, that concludes our demonstration.

We have to perform some,

uh, routine maintenance.

Don't worry.

Everything's gonna be all right.

Dennis will fix it. I just think I should

stay here and help him out.

- No problem. We'll be waiting out in the car.

- Good idea.

Good-bye.

Thanks for coming.

We have to report back

to the interrogation tent.

Well, l-l-l-I'd like

to go, Son...

but I've got a busy day tomorrow:

A few meetings, dry cleaners.

- I'll see you when you get home from camp.

- Okay.

It's a fine camp.

I had a great time.

Don't worry. I read in Newsweek some

- Now he gets 100,000 a year

as a security consultant.

- Excuse me, folks.

You haven't, by any chance,

seen this man, have you?

You mean Mr. Wozniak?

Okay, he was

right... here.

[Coughing]

Huh?

[Grunting]

[Yells]

[All Gasping]

Dennis Van Welker?

Morris?

Hi, Dad.

Where's Van Welker, kid?

Uh, I seriously,

truthfully do not know.

Mr. And Mrs. Himmel.

This kid says Van Welker's got a cabin

down by the lake, sir.

- Ricky!

- Huh. He tortured me.

Send somebody to get him. I want to

talk to this Van Welker clown, pronto!

Yes, sir.

Mr. And Mrs. Himmel...

how much weight

did your son actually lose?

Dennis, they're coming

after you, the cops!

The moms are going crazy

and the kids are getting worried!

- Whoa-oh, slow down!

- What are we gonna do?

Mud, I can't speak for "we."

I can only speak for "me."

And "me" is getting out of here

just as fast as my Goodyear radials can go.

Dennis,

this is serious.

Yes, a lot more serious

for me than for you.

You're a kid! What can they do?

Spank you? Ground you?

If they ground me, Mud...

it's gonna be

in a concrete room...

with a vertical bar motif

and a 200-pound fiance named Duke.

- Dennis, you can't just leave.

- Mud, it's gonna be okay.

Here's what you do: Get lost,

vanish into the woods for five, six hours.

When you show up, they'll be so glad

you hadn't been eaten by bears...

they'll let

the other stuff slide.

- I guess.

- Guaranteed!

It'll be like

a movie-of-the-week!

Okay.

Mud, sit down.

[Sighs]

I'm sorry things didn't work out, Mud.

Sometimes the windmill

of the gods...

casts us up

to the stars.

Sometimes it flings us

down into the dirt.

Au revoir...

mon ami.

See ya.

- Hey, Mud.

- Dr. Dunbar.

How come

you're not at camp?

- Camp's over. We got busted.

- Yeah, I know.

Where's Dennis?

The police are looking for him.

I mean, if they catch him...

He'll be held responsible.

So, let me guess.

He took off.

So, what are you

doing here?

- Uh, I thought I'd hang out

in the woods for a while.

- Right.

Till your parents were so worried

they wouldn't think about punishing you.

Something tells me

that wasn't your idea.

Been planning this

for five, six years.

The camp idea

was perfect!

Find kids with access

to cash...

get 'em away from their parents,

lots of junk food.

Win their confidence,

then start with the religious indoctrination.

- He didn't take off.

- No, I guess he didn't.

His title was "Most High

And Holy Worship."

Rama Sri Havagnoli.

- That's H-A-V-A...

- Nice try, Dennis.

Look, you guys...

this whole thing wasn't his idea;

it was my idea.

- [Sighs]

- Ah, yes.

The Himmel child,

very gullible.

He fell hook, line and sinker.

Show 'em your tattoo, Mud.

Okay, Dennis,

you can drop it.

Look, if it was your idea,

where's the money?

Ah, yes, it's hidden.

In my sock?

Look, Officer, l-l-I don't know

what's going on...

b-b-but I know my Morris

is a good boy...

- Dad, you don't know.

- He's too smart to get involved in anything.

Dad, just 'cause I'm smart doesn't mean

I can't act stupid!

Well, if Mud's guilty,

I am too.

Me too.

I'm smart enough

to act stupid.

Yeah, and I'm stupid too!

Well, you know

what I mean.

I can't believe nobody's pressing charges.

This guy's gonna walk.

Not necessarily.

He still owes me 2,800 bucks in penalties.

Who do I see about

gettin' a bench warrant?

Excuse me, Mr. Polk. About the money

Dennis owes you, I think this will cover it.

- You're a little short.

- Well, you're a little fat.

If you sue him, what are you gonna get,

a couple Winston Churchill albums?

- Please? Come on.

- I could write it off against expenses.

T.R. Polk retires

with a perfect record.

[Mr. Himmel]

Hey, Mud!

- If you're ever in Boca, don't look me up.

- I'll do that.

- Guess I messed up pretty bad, huh?

- You messed up big time.

Anyway.

I, uh, I brought you

something.

- [Chuckles] Galactic Gladiator?

- September issue.

- He battles the, uh, Jupiter Squad.

- Yeah.

- Cool!

- Yeah, it is pretty cool. [Laughing]

By the way,

you're grounded until you're 30.

Yeah, I know.

Heh-heh-heh-heh.

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