Campfire Tales Page #2

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this is where we turn off.

Oh, I'm turned off already.

Do we have to go?

Valerie.

History took place here.

You know, we could never

be back this way again.

Promise?

Oh, now, that pains me.

You know, that's not a positive

way to start a marriage.

Besides, I want you

to look me in the eye...

and I want you to tell me that

you have absolutely no desire...

to see Clayton's Caverns.

Which eye?

Ha ha ha ha. Smart ass.

Either one.

I have absolutely no desire

to see Clayton's Caverns.

Whoo.

You know something?

I want you to read

page sixty-two.

I've read it already.

I want you to look

at page sixty-two.

I read it already.

For me?

1922, twelve pioneers

got trapped in the pass...

and only three survived

by eating the other nine.

Right. See?

Valerie, it's second only

to the Donner Party Trail.

-Oh, Ricky Ricks!

-What?

Well, it's dark outside already.

Besides, I don't know

what you think...

we're gonna see out there.

Dead bodies

strewn along the rocks?

Well, what would you rather do?

Mm-mm-mm.

Oh, you devil.

I don't know.

Oh, you are a bad girl.

You are so bad.

I'm gonna punish you, bad girl.

Oh! OK.

Promise?

Mmm.

Maybe next time

we'll make it to the bed.

Mmm.

I hope twenty years from now...

we'll still be knocking it out

on the floor.

Twenty years from now?

I hope

we're knocking it out anywhere.

I think

there's somebody out there.

Here. Put this on.

Aw, sh*t.

-You all right?

-I just twisted my ankle.

Stay here.

Can I help you?

Honey, wait inside.

No.

We have money.

I ain't after your money.

That's just a crow.

Crows don't squawk at night...

unless they're stirred.

You know where the highway's at?

Yeah. I go straight ahead...

I get to the lake,

and I make a left.

No, no. You make a right.

You'll hit the highway

in about four miles.

Thank you.

And don't stop for anything

till you get to the highway.

Now go...

and pray

they don't get you first.

-Who doesn't get us?

-Valerie.

When the moon's full...

they come out to hunt.

Now, you listen, boy.

A while back...

my wife's car

broke down out here.

We never found her.

Sorry.

Yeah.

They must have heard

my truck comin'.

You're lucky

you still got your skin on.

What do you mean?

There's tracks circling

all around your vehicle.

Now, I wasn't the only one here.

Now go.

All right,

come on, baby, let's go.

And no matter what,

y'all stay inside.

If they stop you...

you lock your doors

and wait for sunup.

Ain't nobody ever seen them

in the day.

I guess we better--we better

get moving along, then.

Thank you.

How bizarre was that?

"When the moon is full,

they come out to hunt."

Thought that was the Wolfman.

He seemed so...concerned.

Valerie, he's a Peeping Tom.

All right?

Who knows how long he was

out there jangling his keys?

What about all those footprints?

The guy made 'em.

What about his wife

disappearing?

If I were that guy's wife,

I would disappear, too, right?

Oh, man, what now?

-Aw, sh*t!

-What?

It can't be empty.

I just filled it up.

Well, maybe there's a leak.

Rick, he said to stay in here

no matter what.

Give me a break.

Oh, easy, Cole.

Easy. Easy.

I'll take you with me!

"The Lord is my shepherd,

I shall not want;,

"He maketh me lie down

in green pastures.

"He restoreth my soul.

"He leadeth me

in paths of righteousness...

"for His name's sake.

"Yea, though I walk

through the valley...

"of the shadow of death...

"l will fear no evil;

for thou art with me."

God damn it!

That son of a b*tch

siphoned our tank.

What?

No more.

Hear me?

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Oh, Jesus. We should

run out of gas more often.

# I've learned #

# Love is a thrill #

# A little bit of lipstick #

# A little bit of frill #

# I know... #

Oh, God. You make me crazy.

# Love at first sight #

# Blows you all away #

# Hold onto the wheel #

# Love is here to stay #

# Love grows large #

# Blossoms like a flower #

# To die in the night #

# To be born again #

Whoo!

I just had great sex! Ha ha!

Get back in here!

What are you, crazy?

Whoo!

-Crazy about you.

-Aah.

-What's the matter, baby?

-My ankle.

-You all right?

-Yeah. It's OK.

Come here, sit down.

Let me see that.

Valerie, that's really swollen.

No, it's OK, Ricky.

There's got to be a first-aid

kit in here somewhere.

Jesus. I could catch

a f***in' marlin...

but God forbid we cut ourselves.

Screw it.

I'm gonna go to that store

by the turnoff.

-I saw a pump out front.

-But, Rick--

Honey,

I'm gonna fill up the can.

I'm gonna get you to a doctor.

They got to be closed by now.

So I knock on the door.

I'm sure there's some hick

sleeping in the back.

What if that guy's

still out there?

Valerie...

that guy is long gone by now.

I'm not gonna let you lie here

uncomfortable all night...

especially on your honeymoon.

I'm gonna be back in an hour...

and then

we're gonna get out of here.

All right?

OK?

OK, honey.

-Hurry.

-I will. Don't worry.

Look, uh, if it makes you feel

any better...

you can lock the door

after I leave, all right?

And we'll have

a secret code, OK?

You don't open it until

you hear me go like this...

OK?

-OK.

-All right.

Ricky Ricks?

Uh, can you bring me some M&M's?

-With peanuts?

-Mm-hmm.

I'll see what I can do.

Thank you.

Sss.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Where the f***

am I gonna find M&M's?

God, I hate

having an imagination.

Hello?

Mister?

You in there?

Mister?

Mister?

Are you all right?

Aah! Son of a--

Valerie!

Aah! Aah!

Aah!

# Oh, how happy #

# You have made me #

# Oh, how happy #

# You have made me #

# I have kissed your lips #

Valerie!

Valerie!

Valerie!

Valerie!

Valerie!

# Oh, how happy #

# You have made me #

# Our years together #

# We have had-- #

Rick?

Rick, is that you?

Rick?

Jesus.

Rick, come on, this isn't funny.

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

-Aah!

-Aah!

-Aah!

-Aah! Aah!

Aah!

Get away from me!

Leave me alone!

Aah! Aah! Rick! Rick!

Rick!

Rick! Rick!

Hello?

Is anyone in there?

This is Deputy Munson

from the sheriff's department.

Are they gone?

Yes, ma'am.

You alone in there?

Yes.

Are you injured, miss?

I think I'm OK.

Can you stand up

and come to the door?

Can you step down, please?

Good.

Oh, my husband

just went to get gas.

He should be back any minute.

Ma'am,

we're gonna walk to my car now.

Oh, no.

I have to wait for my husband.

Why don't you come with me

to the car...

and we can sort everything out

at the sheriff's station.

Please, let's just keep moving.

W-wait. Just--please.

Keep your eyes straight ahead.

Keep walking to the car.

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

She screamed so loud...

that she drowned out the sound

of her husband's wedding ring...

scraping across the roof.

Ugh.

Well, I know one thing--

I'm not driving to Las Vegas

on my honeymoon.

I don't think you have to worry

about a honeymoon.

That story's not true,

though, right?

Nah, it is, man.

I know a couple of guys...

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