Captain Newman, M.D. Page #5

to spend the rest

of your days in

a mental hospital.

Is that likely?

That's what usually

happens when people

split themselves in two.

Daylight recon

flights will continue.

Lieutenants Bergman,

Brady, Oswald,

Reinhardt will

patrol Sector A.

Sector B,

Lieutenants Grace,

Newhouse,

Captains Moore and Leary.

Oh, Jackson.

Can you get a hold of

one of those radio techs

and have him wire

this room for playback?

I want to know everything

that Bliss says.

Okay.

Oh, and tell him yourself.

The light seemed

to bother him.

He's more comfortable

this way.

Paul

Cabot

Winston.

Tired.

Captain Winston.

Paul? Paul.

It's happened before.

Once at the evac hospital,

he went to sleep

for three days.

His case file is on your desk,

but it doesn't give you

much to go on.

His plane crash-landed

in France.

Missing in action 13 months.

Liberating forces

found him in a cellar.

He identified himself

and blacked out.

The evac N.P. tried shock,

then pentothal.

Negative. He can't

or won't respond.

Anything from

French locals?

Nothing in the report.

He was 13 months

in a cellar.

That's all there is.

Oh, Francie,

Leibowitz thinks

we have another customer.

Check on a boy

named Tompkins, Ward 3.

Mmm-hmm.

Which one is he?

Just take a look

and guess.

He's all yours,

if you want him.

Bed eight.

Thanks, Katie.

Hello, there.

Hi, fellas.

Pick a card.

(MEN WHlSTLlNG)

Darling.

Hi.

Darling. Darling.

FRANClE:
Evening, Corporal.

I'm Lieutenant Corum.

Well, how are you,

beautiful?

Are you gonna

take care of me?

No. I'm in Ward 7.

Hurray for you.

How are you

coming along here?

I've been in worse places.

Well, is there

anything you need?

Yeah.

Some cheaper booze

and some juicier broads.

In that order?

Okay, so you don't

shock easy in Ward 7.

Big deal.

First it was that

Corporal Leibowitz.

Now it's you.

Maybe you're prettier

than he is, ma'am,

but I'm gonna give it to

you like I gave it to him.

You tell Captain Newman

I said to shove it.

Ain't nobody gonna

slap no needle in me.

It's getting

a little crowded in here.

I think I'm gonna go

for a walk.

BLISS:
To include

Captains Trabert,

Adler, McDonnell,

Lieutenants Jacobs

and Hassmiller.

(KNOCKlNG ON DOOR)

Tompkins' file.

And a message for you,

"Shove it."

Sounds rude.

I can't read him.

I don't know

if there's anything

wrong with him

or if he's trying to

live up to his reputation

as a stinker.

Severe

gastrointestinal pains.

Insomnia.

He's 20 years old?

Mmm-hmm.

Something wrong

with him, all right.

In that case,

you'd better drop by

and see him.

I'm sure

he won't come here.

I can't help him

unless he comes to me.

If I go to him,

I'm the weaker.

Lost him

before I start.

It's his move.

Now help me with

these names, will you?

Joe, you don't intend

to write to everybody

Bliss mentions?

Now I've written to

the Senior Air Surgeon

in New Guinea,

and asked him to talk

to all the people who

were close to Bliss.

The key to his split is

somewhere in his past.

So, if I can't get it

from him, I have to go

elsewhere.

Now, is this third name

McDonnell or MacDonald?

BLISS:
To include

Captains Trabert,

Adler, McDonnell,

Lieutenants Jacobs

and Hassmiller.

(ALL CHATTERlNG)

Leibowitz.

Later!

It's Gavoni.

Gavoni?

He's outside!

He must've found out.

(SHUSHlNG)

Now, wait a minute, fellas.

We've got a small

crisis on our hands.

Now, let's deal with it.

Everybody go back to

their places. Go ahead.

When I find my salami,

I'm gonna make...

Go.

Up the sleeve.

Good boy.

Leibowitz!

LElBOWlTZ:
Hi, Gavoni.

Don't "Hi, Gavoni" me.

Somebody stole my salami.

Are you accusing

one of my patients

of being a crook?

I ain't accusing them.

These men are

in the service

of their country.

I know who took it.

One of these men

may turn out to be

another Eisenhower.

Leibowitz, I want that

salami and I ain't kidding.

Now, will you take it easy?

Now, to begin with,

are you sure

you had a salami?

Gavoni had a salami!

My sister sent it to me!

She sends me one

every week without fail.

Well, in that case,

why don't you check

with the post office?

Have them put

a tracer on it.

I don't need no tracer.

That salami's right

here in this room.

And what's more,

it was stolen.

(CLEARS THROAT)

It was stolen, huh?

Yeah.

Okay. Well, in that case,

we're gonna help you

find your man.

Now let's start

at the very top.

Do you think

Colonel Pyser

stole your salami?

You know who stole it.

You did.

Now, just a minute.

Don't try to back out.

You already

accused these men.

Who blamed

anybody in this...

Don't try to

weasel out of this.

Did I blame anybody

in this room? Did l?

The damage is done.

You've already thrown

the whole ward into

a trauma. Right, men?

(ALL SHOUTlNG)

All right, all right!

I've heard it

a thousand times.

Gavoni, that's

very bad psychology.

You've given everybody

a guilt complex.

The least you could do

is apologize.

Now apologize.

Come on.

All right. I'm sorry.

Words, words.

Nothing but words.

Sorry.

Gavoni, if you're

really sorry, show it.

How?

Share your salami

with these men.

How can I share

a salami I don't have?

Gavoni, Gavoni.

That's beside the point.

Let's get to the meat

of the question.

Would you share it?

Yeah.

Good!

Okay, men,

you heard Gavoni.

He's gonna share

the salami.

So let's give him

a hand and find it.

Arkie, no one leaves

this ward till we find

that salami.

Men, let's look!

Under the beds,

in the pillowcases,

check your pockets.

Remember Lost Weekend?

Check the fixtures.

Come on, let's go!

Everybody, look!

Look under the beds.

Look in the pillowcases.

Let's find it!

I found it!

That's it.

Now just a minute, Gavoni.

Just a minute.

Gavoni, are you sure

this is your salami?

It's a Genoese.

(ALL LAUGHlNG)

It's your salami.

See. All that fuss,

all that screaming?

No one stole

your salami, Gavoni.

You lost it.

Butterfingers.

How could I lose

a salami in somebody's

bathrobe?

Gavoni, may I remind you

of a cardinal rule in

the field of psychiatry?

In the words of

Sigmund Freud,

"Show me a man that

can lose his temper

"and I'll show you a man

that can lose his salami."

(ALL CHEERlNG)

Gavoni, come here.

Start cutting.

Do you mind?

Oh, by the way, Gavoni.

Yeah?

I promised Bobby

the first slice.

GAVONl:
Roger.

MAN:
The one in

the middle's mine.

And give my best

to your sister.

They're all yours,

Captain.

Thank you, Doctor.

Oh, excuse me.

This came this morning.

I think it's for you.

"Big shot, cuckoo squad."

That's me, all right.

It's from Tompkins.

He wants me to

meet him tonight

in the rec hall.

In my opinion,

Tompkins...

I leave it entirely

in your hands.

I have every confidence.

Excuse me.

At 1 1:
00.

Hey, douse the light,

will you, Doc?

It's all right.

Come on in.

They gig me

if they find me.

I'll take care of that.

Okay.

You know something, Doc?

A man should

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes