Carnal Knowledge Page #3

find somebody else.

Are you crazy,

when I'm right

on the verge?

I'll see her

tomorrow night.

Uh, Sandy?

Yeah.

Do you ever talk

to her about me?

Yeah, sure, sometimes.

Do me a favor,

will you?

What?

Don't tell her

I got laid.

Please, Susan.

Sometimes

I want to do it,

and a second later,

I don't want to do it.

Let's do it.

I don't know why

you put up with me.

I don't think

I can do it.

It really hurts, Susan.

Let me--

Not anymore.

Please, Sandy.

Not anymore.

Susan, let's do it.

I love you.

Do you have anything?

How long have you

had that?

- Not too long.

- ( bell tolling )

Not a year or anything?

I'm sure it's okay.

I don't wanna

take any chances.

These things

have to be okay.

It's okay.

I'm positive it's okay.

Jonathan:

It's as if you're

the first guy

in history

who ever got laid.

Sandy:
I'm the first guy

in my history who

ever got laid.

I like it too,

but you don't hear

me crowing about it.

There's such a thing

as good taste, you know?

- What's the matter

with you?

- Jeez!

After you started scoring,

what did I get out of you?

"We did it standing,

sitting, in the car,

under the car.

Myrtle, Myrtle,

Myrtle..."

Maybe you forget,

but I knew Susan before

you knew Myrtle,

and who scored

first? You.

That didn't make me

feel very good,

you know?

In fact, it made me

feel very jealous.

But did I try

to shut you up?

Did I say,

"I'm tired of hearing

about it already"?

I didn't say it,

'cause I'm your friend,

so I sat through it.

Okay, okay.

You made your point.

Sometimes I think

I'm a better friend

to you

than you are to me.

( music playing )

( laughing )

Sandy:

Didn't you

ever do that?

Of course, I...

I knew what the word

"misled" meant.

I just

didn't know...

( laughing )

So, when I first

saw it in print,

I thought it

was "myzeled"!

He had been

"myzeled."

I kept wondering,

what does this

word mean? "Myzeled"?

Jonathan:

Sexy. Let's "myzle."

Has anybody ever heard

of "Round John Virgin"?

One of the guys

in "Robin Hood."

That's Little John!

What did you say?

Round John...?

Round John Virgin.

Is that

in Falstaff?

"Round John Virgin

mother and child."

Round John Virgin

mother...?

Holy infant

so tender and mild

All right,

gunshee.

Gunshee?

G-u-n-s-h-y,

gunshee.

Gun-shy...

I always thought

it was gunshee.

Susan, do the one

about the bear.

You'll love

this, John.

Oh, yeah, the hymn

we used to sing in church

about the bear

with crossed eyes?

Whose name was Gladly.

Gladly the bear?

Don't you know it?

Gladly the cross-eyed bear.

Gladly the cross-eyed

bear, get it?

Gladly the cross...

oh, Gladly the

cross-eyed bear!

( laughing )

All right,

pronounce this:

c-h-o-p-h-o-u-s-e.

Chophuse...

Chophus...?

( laughing )

Chophouse.

( laughing )

This has to stop.

I don't know

how to tell him.

You don't

have any trouble

telling him a lot

of other things.

- What does that mean?

- The way you talk to him.

I don't ever hear you

talking to me that way.

What way?

I don't know.

He's very

vulnerable.

I don't want

to hurt him.

You're hurting me.

He loves me.

That's no reason

to go to bed with him.

You would have just

gone on, wouldn't you,

if he hadn't told me?

I don't know.

I would have never

known a thing about it.

I don't know,

maybe.

Boy, you're

really something.

I don't feel

like something.

I feel

like nothing.

How much longer do you

expect me to take this?

I'm trying

to tell him.

I see how

you're trying.

It's not my fault.

I don't enjoy

these fights.

Listen, it's me you're

supposed to be in love with.

- I'm gonna tell him.

- What?

- I'm gonna tell him

about you and me.

- No, Jonathan!

Why don't you

give me some of

the understanding

that you give to him?

You're stronger.

You tell him

everything else.

You can

tell him about us.

What do you mean,

I tell him everything?

Who says so?

He tells me,

he's my best friend.

Are you

going to tell him?

He's so helpless.

Susan, I love you.

Why can't you be

more with me

like you

are with Sandy?

( chuckling )

She says she's

no good for me.

Maybe she's trying

to let you down easy.

( laughing )

Go ahead and laugh.

It adds up.

( laughing )

Go ahead and laugh.

You know every mood

of mine like you know

every mood of his.

- No.

- How come?

- I don't know.

- You don't tell me

thoughts I never knew I had.

- Does he say I do that?

- Yes.

- Then I guess I must.

- You do it all right,

so do it with me.

I can't.

You can do it with him,

you can do it with me.

Now tell me my thoughts.

- I can't.

- Why can't you?

I can't with you.

This has gone

far enough.

I cannot stand

any more ultimatums.

This is my last one.

Now, tonight,

you tell him about us,

or tomorrow, I tell him.

Look at me, Susan!

Now tell me

my goddamn thoughts!

Hello.

You didn't do it,

did you?

No.

Why not?

He looks at me

with such trust.

How do I

look at you?

With bitterness.

It used to be trust.

At least

you know my thoughts.

Did you tell him?

What do you think?

No.

So, what

do we do now?

( clears throat )

I don't know.

I guess

I get an ultimatum.

Do you think there's

any sense in this?

In what?

In you and me.

That's up to you.

No, it's up to you.

I don't see

any point in it.

I wish

I were wrong.

I don't feel

anything anymore.

Neither do I.

The reason I didn't

say anything to Sandy...

I knew he wouldn't

believe me.

And I'd go into details

so he would have

to believe me.

And I knew he'd come

running to you,

and I knew you'd

tell him everything

I said was true,

and I knew

then you'd go

to bed with him.

Yeah, that sounds

like what would happen.

( sighs )

So?

So?

Jonathan...

I'll always be your friend.

Jesus, Susan, I hope not.

Sandy:

It's going to be buggy.

Susan:
It's not

going to be buggy.

It's the tropics.

What do you mean?

It's the jungle.

You can't

cover yourself

from head to toe.

I'll get

eaten alive.

You don't know

what it's like.

You've never

camped out before.

Isn't he being

silly, Jonathan?

- I am not.

- Are too.

- Am not.

- Are too.

You're a real

city boy.

How about the cot?

Come on, sweetie,

we've got a sleeping bag.

You're really serious

about sleeping

on the ground?

You are a baby.

Christ, this

knapsack's heavy.

Well, I told you

you overpacked.

What in the world

do you plan to do

with a pillowcase?

Put it back.

Well, you are a nut.

Isn't he a nut,

Jonathan?

You pack your things.

Let me pack mine.

I'm just

trying to help.

Well, help

your own stuff.

You have

packing to do.

We don't

even have room.

We're going

in a little car...

( music playing )

Jesus...

You want her?

I wouldn't

kick her out of bed.

Will you look at

the pair on her?

Get a look at that

schmuck trying to

keep up with her.

They're always

with guys like that.

That guy must be

60 if he's a day.

Maybe he'll

have a heart attack.

You could save his life.

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