Carrie Fisher: Wishful Drinking Page #4
- Year:
- 2010
- 34 Views
MY GRANDMOTHER:
BECAUSE WHEN MY MOTHER
WAS ABOUT SEVEN,
MY GRANDMOTHER LOCKED HER
IN THE CLOSET.
HAD BEEN IN THE CLOSE ABOUT AN HOUR,
AND MY GRANDMOTHER
NATURALLY SAID, "WHY?"
"BECAUSE I'VE SPI ALL OVER YOUR DRESSES
AND NOW I'VE RUN OU OF SPI AND I WANT TO SPI ALL OVER YOUR SHOES."
THESE ARE THE PEOPLE
I HAIL FROM, OKAY?
ULTIMATELY WE DIDN' GO FORWARD
TO HAVE RICHARD'S BABY.
YEAH, AND I KNOW
WELL, I MEAN,
ASIDE FROM THE OBVIOUS--
MY SISTER,
MY DAUGHTER,
MY SISTER, MY DAUGHTER--
OW--
HATING RICHARD.
AND SHE HAD A REALLY
REALLY GOOD REASON.
THIS MAN--
HE BROKE:
HER PENSION PLAN.
OW.
AND HE TOOK:
SINCE HARRY TOOK
THE FIRST BATCH.
AT THIS POINT,
"YOU KNOW, DEAR,
BY ANTON CHEKHOV.
WHAT CAN YOU:
REALLY SAY:
ABOUT MY FATHER?
I'M ASKING YOU.
ALL RIGHT, WELL,
BUT HERE'S
WHAT I CAN SAY.
MY FATHER--
HE IS UNBELIEVABLY
CHARMING.
I MEAN, SERIOUSLY,
HE'S ADORABLE.
ALL THA UNBELIEVABLE P*SSY--
WELL, YOU KNOW,
I MEAN,
AND GET ALL THOSE
FANTASTIC WOMEN:
TO MARRY HIM.
Eddie Fisher:
IF I LOVED YOU:
TIME AND AGAIN...
AND HE SMOKES:
FIVE JOINTS A DAY,
FOR MEDICINAL:
PURPOSES, OF COURSE.
SO WE CALL HIM:
PUFF DADDY.
UM...
( applause )
ABOUT THAT IS--
WHERE MY DAD LIVES.
SO HE CAME:
TO THE OPENING NIGH AND HE BROUGH HIS DEALER.
WHICH WAS FANTASTIC,
YOU KNOW,
'CAUSE YOU REALLY
WANT THE DEALER'S
POINT OF VIEW:
RIGHT?
YOU KNOW WHA I'M TALKING ABOUT.
ACTUALLY:
A COUPLE A STRIPPERS,
AS ONE DOES.
AND HE WAS:
UNBELIEVABLY GRATEFUL.
HE CALLED ME:
AND HE SAID,
"BABY, I WILL DO
ANYTHING YOU SAY.
I MEAN, YOU SAY,
'RUN,'
AND I SAY,
'HOW HIGH?'"
NOW...
ANYWAY,
BILLIE AND I WEN TO SAN FRANCISCO
TO VISIT MY--
WHERE HE LIVES,
BIG CHINATOWN THERE.
THERE IS.
MY FATHER--
HE'D GOTTEN THESE
LITTLE HEARING AIDS.
YOU KNOW THOSE:
TEENY TINY ONES?
THEY FIT RIGH IN YOUR EARS, RIGHT?
THEY'RE SUPER EXPENSIVE.
WELL, MY DAD--
HE'D GOTTEN THEM
THE DAY BEFORE, RIGHT?
IN HIS PILLBOX:
( laughter )
YES, IN THE MORNING
HE ATE THEM.
SO WHENEVER HE COULDN' HEAR BILLIE OR MYSELF,
OR HIS ASS.
I WISH:
I WAS KIDDING.
SUBSEQUENTLY HE GO THE HEARING AIDS AGAIN
AND I DID HAVE:
THE OPPORTUNITY:
TO SEE THEM.
THEY ARE SIZE:
OF A LIMA BEAN--
WITH AN ANTENNA.
NOW LOOK,
I ADORE PILLS.
I MEAN, SERIOUSLY,
HUGE FAN.
LIKE NONE:
I HAD EVER SEEN.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE LIKE
IN THE MORNING.
WELL, I KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE LIKE, BUT...
BUT I THINK:
I WOULD KNOW:
IF I WERE EATING
WITH AN ANTENNA:
TWICE.
A LIFE LIKE MINE--
AND I KNOW:
SOME OF YOU DO,
'CAUSE I RECOGNIZE YOU
FROM MY GROUP,
YES--
THEN THESE THINGS--
THEY GRADUALLY ACCUMULATE
AS A SURVIVOR.
IT'S A TERM
I REALLY DON'T--
I DON'T LIKE IT,
YOU KNOW, REALLY.
WHEN YOU ARE A SURVIVOR--
WHICH, OKAY, WHATEVER.
I, YOU KNOW,
RELUCTANTLY AGREE
THAT I AM,
AND WHO HERE:
OVER 40 ISN'T?
A SURVIVOR,
YOU HAVE TO KEEP
GETTING IN TROUBLE
"WELL, DEAR,
WHAT ARE THE CHOICES?
NOT SURVIVING?"
MY MOTHER,
WHO INCIDENTALLY LIVES
THAT'S NOT FUNNY--
AND SAYS,
"HELLO, DEAR.
DEBBIE."
MY MOTHER VLADIMIR.
I HAD BEEN SINGING
IN MY MOTHER'S NIGHTCLUB AC SINCE I WAS ABOUT 13,
YOU KNOW,
LIKE MOST TEENAGERS.
AND I CONTINUED:
TILL I WAS 17.
DON'T BE NERVOUS.
THAT'S ALL.
WOULD YOU SING:
DON'T SAY NO.
SO THIS CHOREOGRAPHER GUY
RON SOMETHING--
IF I WANT TO DO:
MY MOTHER--
MY MOTHER THOUGH THIS WAS TRULY
A LOUSY IDEA.
SHE THOUGHT INSTEAD
THAT I SHOULD GO
TO DRAMA COLLEGE
IN ENGLAND:
BECAUSE IT WOULD
BRING RESPECTABILITY
TO THE FAMILY.
OF HOOKERS, YOU KNOW,
AND DRAMA COLLEGE
IN ENGLAND:
IS THE ONLY WAY:
TO ERADICATE A TAIN LIKE THAT.
ANYWAY,
SO NOW IT'S 1973
AND I'M 17
AND I'M ENROLLED
IN LONDON.
AND, YOU KNOW,
LIKE I SAID,
AT FIRST I JUST--
IT WAS TRULY:
OF MY LIFE.
WHERE I WAS JUST A STUDEN AMONG STUDENTS,
GOING TO VOICE:
AND MOVEMENT CLASS
AND LEARNING:
WEIRD LITTLE:
TONGUE TWISTERS LIKE--
"ALL I WANT IS A PROPER
CUP OF COFFEE:
MADE IN A PROPER
COPPER COFFEE POT.
TIN COFFEE POTS:
IF I CAN'T HAVE
IN A PROPER COPPER COFFEE POT,
- ( applause )
NOW--
IF YOU ENJOYED:
MY PERFORMANCE:
AS PRINCESS LEIA--
AND WHO COULD RESIS MY STUNNING,
LAYERED, MOVING,
NOT-UNLIKE-MARY-POPPINS
PERFORMANCE?
--THEN IT IS
LIKE THAT.
CONSIDER:
"YOU'LL NEVER GE THAT BUCKET OF BOLTS
PAST THAT BLOCKADE,
PROPER COPPER:
COFFEE POT."
OR:
"WHY, YOU STUCK-UP,
HALF-WITTED,
SCRUFFY-LOOKING
NERF HERDER.
IT'S DIALOGUE FROM
THE "STAR WARS" FILM.
AND DON'T FORGET,
THAT CAME AND WEN LIKE WEATHER OR BLOA ALL THROUGH THE MOVIE.
GOVERNOR TARKIN,
I SHOULD'VE EXPECTED
VADER'S LEASH.
I RECOGNIZED YOUR FOUL STENCH
( laughter )
( applause )
AND ALL MY FRIENDS
MADE FUN OF ME:
BECAUSE THEY SAID
THAT THE TITLE:
OF THE FILM:
SOUNDED LIKE A FIGH BETWEEN MY
ORIGINAL PARENTS--
"STAR WARS."
( applause )
WELL, I-- YOU KNOW.
WELL, BUT HERE'S
THE THING--
AS YOU AGE,
IT'S ABOUT DIGNITY.
IT'S REALLY
UNAVOIDABLE.
( chuckles )
GEORGE LUCAS:
RUINED MY LIFE.
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"Carrie Fisher: Wishful Drinking" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 22 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/carrie_fisher:_wishful_drinking_5104>.
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