Carrie Pilby

---

Here's a surprise.

Guess who's not coming

to Thanksgiving?

Your dad?

He's such a hypocrite.

I hate hypocrites.

I'm sorry.

Is this for me?

I figured you'd have

more use for it than I will.

Right.

Thanks.

I swear to God.

The man is incapable

of keeping a promise.

What was his reason?

You tell me.

He's your friend.

- Carrie--

- He said he has to, um,

stay in London.

Why would anyone choose

to stay in London?

London's awful.

When's the last time

you were in London?

When I was 12.

When your mom was sick?

Don't do that.

Do what?

Make associations

in your head.

I don't like London

because it is cold,

it is repressed.

And everyone

looks like they've smoked

too many cigarettes.

Did you make any friends

this week?

You and I both know

there's a perfectly

good reason

I don't have any friends.

So, what

did you do this week?

What I normally do.

- Reading?

- Mostly.

And how many books

did you read?

Seventeen.

And does reading

17 books in one week

seem normal to you?

No, no, of course

it's not normal.

I mean, does skipping

three grades of school

seem normal?

Does going to Harvard

at the age of 14 seem normal?

I'm clearly not normal.

I thought we'd established

that was the problem.

Carrie, I want you to do

something for me.

What?

You and I

are going to come up with

a list of goals

you're going to achieve

between now

and the end of the year.

So, for our next session,

I want you to think about

some of the things

you'd like to have

on that list.

Things you've done

in your life and enjoyed.

What kind of things

do you expect me

to put on this list?

For example,

join a club.

Why should I force myself

to go out and meet people

who have lowered

their moral, ethical,

and intellectual standards

in order to fit in

with other people

who have low moral, ethical,

and intellectual standards?

You're such a contrarian.

No, I'm not.

( chuckles )

( snickers )

A little helpful advice.

One,

try to stop pontificating

and rubbing

your exceptionally high IQ

in people's noses.

Two, give humanity

a chance.

Someone

might surprise you.

Time's up.

Carrie, wait.

You were quite late,

so I don't mind

going a couple

of minutes over.

I do.

I'm actually in the middle

of reading

Foucault's

"Archeology of Knowledge."

I highly recommend it,

by the way.

And, if you

speak to my dad,

please give him

the message

that I don't accept

his excuses or his apologies

and that hiring me

a therapist

is no more

a satisfactory replacement

for an actual parent,

than sending me

off to college

at an inappropriately

young age.

Sorry for being, um--

I completely understand.

Happy Thanksgiving.

You too.

Hey, Carrie.

What's up?

Hi, Ronald.

- Do you need a menu?

- Oh, sure.

Someone still

buys DVDs, huh?

Someone still does, yeah.

And you know what?

I have never had to wait

for the movie to load

halfway through the film.

I'll have the soup.

Yeah, sure.

- Hi, there.

- Hi.

Look, before you launch

into your moves or whatever,

I just want you to know

that I'm not really

in the right frame of mind

to make flirty chitchat

with a total stranger.

Even though, admittedly,

you're quite a cute one.

But I've just--

dealing with being let down

by my dad--

not for the first time.

And I've just had

a really tough session

with my therapist.

- Um--

- I'm sorry.

I just wanted to know

if I can borrow this chair.

Oh, definitely.

Yes.

Take it.

Knock yourself out!

Not with the...

chair.

( bell jingles )

Girl:

Hey!

Do you want me

to pack this to go?

Yes!

Please, yes.

( woman speaking on TV )

( didgeridoo drones )

What the hell is that?

Yo! World music guy!

- Hey!

- Can you go

and hold your one-man

aborigine festival thing

somewhere else?

Like Australia?

Sure.

( ringtone plays )

Hi, Dad.

Dad:

Hello, darling,

how are you?

Got your message.

You're not coming

for Thanksgiving.

Shocker.

Dad:

So sorry, darling.

I really thought

I could swing it,

but I just

can't get away.

It's such

an American thing anyways.

I promise I'll be there

for Christmas.

Well,

it would have been nice

to have a bit

more notice.

But listen,

I do have good news.

I've found you a job

at the law firm

of a friend of mine.

In what world

is that good news?

If anything,

that is very, very bad news.

But it'll be good

for you.

Well, I'm still four years

ahead of my peers.

Do you want me

to be maladjusted?

It'll be easy,

I promise.

It's a night job,

proofreading legal briefs.

You love reading.

Not proofreading,

and certainly not

legal briefs.

Well, at least

it'll be quiet.

You won't have

to talk to a soul

if you don't want to.

If you have a better offer,

by all means.

What happened

to "Take some time"?

Well, it has

been a year, darling.

And to be

absolutely honest,

it would really help

if you could

bring something to the table,

so to speak.

Isn't there

some other way?

You could get a roommate

instead if you prefer.

Okay, fine.

I'll take the job.

( "Morning"

by Edvard Grieg plays )

( elevator bell dings )

( phones ringing )

Hello?

( phone ringing continues )

- What you listening to?

- Hmm?

Wait, isn't that

from Bugs Bunny?

It's "Morning."

"Peer Gynt," Edvard Grieg.

I'm pretty sure that's from

one of the "Looney Tunes."

Who are you?

- Douglas.

- Do you work here?

No, I just didn't

have anyone

to spend

Thanksgiving with,

so I've been wandering

around the building

hoping to find someone

to share my turducken.

- ( chuckles )

- Right.

I'm kidding.

You're Carrie Pilby,

right?

I might be.

Sometimes when the documents

get copied and/or faxed,

the periods end up

looking like commas.

And the "Hs" end up

looking like "Ks,"

You know,

that sort of thing.

No wonder lawyers

charge 400 bucks an hour,

they pay people

to play "Concentration."

Oh, no. I'm sorry.

Douglas got to you first.

I always try to get

to the new people

before he does,

but he's quick as lighting.

Ooh.

I'm Tara.

Carrie.

I wish

I could say he's more

the exception

to the rule,

but what can I tell you?

This job attracts

a strange breed.

Clearly.

( phone rings )

( chuckles )

You're gonna fit in

just fine.

Holidays are a drag, huh?

For some people, yes.

What did you do for yours?

Nothing.

Just--

just went to work.

What?

You got a job?

Well, my dad

got it for me.

Kind of

a consolation prize

for not coming

to Thanksgiving.

But I didn't have

to eat any dry turkey

or talk to anyone.

Wonderful.

So, how's it going

with the list?

What list?

The list we talked

about last time.

I have no recollection

of this list.

You've got

a photographic memory.

- It's selective.

- Excuse.

I've been very busy.

Excuse.

I haven't had time to--

- Excuse!

- Stop saying--

Excuse.

Well, not to worry.

I made one for you.

Go on, read it.

"Go on a date."

( laughs )

"Make a friend.

Spend New Year's Eve

with someone.

Get a pet."

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