Carrie Pilby Page #2

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It'll help to have something

to care for.

Keep going.

"Do something

you loved as a child."

Like what?

Well,

it could be anything.

What did you do

when you were six

that you don't do anymore?

I wrote several

strongly-worded letters

to oil companies

when I was six.

Wow, okay.

How about an indulgence

that you no longer

allow yourself?

I used to love

drinking cherry soda.

Excellent,

there you go.

Great, I'll drink

a cherry soda

and all my problems

will just disappear.

What's next?

"Read favorite book."

Ah!

Do you have one?

Yeah, "Franny and Zooey,"

Salinger.

But I don't have it.

I lent it to someone.

Can you get it back?

I don't know.

Well, look, just try.

See how it goes,

do what you can,

one at a time.

Why do you want me

to do this so much?

Because staying

at home in bed all day

won't make you happy.

You need to get out

and meet people,

begin some

meaningful relationships.

Maybe if you

put yourself out there,

doing things you enjoy...

( keyboard clacking )

Hmm, "Franny and Zooey,"

one of my favorites.

You've got good taste.

Well, welcome

to English 303,

the Modernists.

I'm Professor Harrison,

and you are a bunch of kids

who think you already

know everything

but haven't even

got a clue

about what life

is really like

beyond the ivy walls.

It's banal,

nauseating carousel

of responsibility

and disappointments,

one after another.

But, my sweater

is soft and the rain

streaking down

the window is kinda lovely,

so I guess I won't

off myself just yet.

( students chuckling )

The Modernists,

especially Joyce and Wolff

were very big

on stream of consciousness

techniques

in their novels,

and you just got

your first lesson in it.

Would anyone

like to give it a try?

Say whatever

pops into your mind.

"Franny and Zooey,"

how about you?

Oh, I wouldn't know

what to say.

It's not difficult.

You just start

with your name,

where you're from,

kinda go from there.

My name's Carrie Pilby,

I-- well I was born in London

but I moved to New York

when I was 12

just after my mom died.

I guess I shouldn't

have said that,

'cause now everyone's

feeling weird

about the girl

whose mom died.

Like I'm Antigone

or Harry Potter,

or Bambi or something.

But I'm not a Greek tragedy

or a wizard.

( chuckling continues )

And if I was a character

in a movie,

I'd like to be

Katherine Hepburn,

preferably in a movie

where she gives

Spencer Tracy

a run for his money.

But I can tell

I'm boring you now.

And this is hard,

harder than skipping

fourth and eighth grade.

But not as hard

as skipping second grade,

because going

from pencil to pen

- was pretty abrupt.

- ( girl chuckles )

Professor Harrison:

Excellent.

If you want to use

pencil in my class,

you're more

than welcome.

Now, anyone else

wanna give it a shot?

Man:

Carrie? Carrie?

I really believe

that if you do the things

on this list,

you're going to feel

a lot better about life.

I bet I won't.

So, prove it.

Prove to me

that I don't know how

to do my job.

- You're a very odd man.

- Thank you.

That's the nicest compliment

I've had all day.

Hi.

Davy, I would like

a goldfish, please.

We're having

a two-for-one special.

I just want one.

But the other one

is free.

They're social creatures.

You heard me say

I want a fish, right?

Not a chimpanzee.

Fish swim in schools.

They like company.

Fish swim in schools

because, evolutionarily,

it gives them

a better chance of surviving.

My fish is going

to be living

in a one bedroom

apartment,

not the Great Barrier Reef.

Fine, just

give me two fish.

Great!

Woman:

Taxi!

( shutter clicks )

( camera whirs )

Carrie:

Katherine...

your job

is to prove Petrov wrong.

Spencer, your job is to keep

Katherine happy.

( man coughs )

Hey!

Get away from there

before I call the police!

Why?

One, because

you're clearly smoking

something illegal.

And two,

because it looks like

you're about to burgle

that apartment.

Why would I want to burgle

my own apartment?

- You don't live there.

- Well, then I definitely

- need to stop paying rent.

- No, some other guy

- lives there.

- Yeah, my roommate, Ted.

Okay, well,

if it's your apartment,

why do you play

your didgeridoo

in the street

like a crazy hippy?

Because Ted doesn't like me

practicing in the apartment.

I can't say I blame him.

You wanna play it?

It might help you relax.

What makes you think

I'm not relaxed?

When people's shoulders

aren't naturally aligned

with their earlobes

like that.

Maybe I'm cold.

Maybe you shouldn't make

assumptions

about people

you don't know.

Hey listen, I was just

razzing you-- I didn't--

...mean anything by it.

I am going to work.

If anyone calls,

take a message.

( phones ringing )

Did you just have an orgasm

over a cherry soda?

Can you just leave me

to drink my soda in peace?

Oh, of course, of course,

I'll let you two

have some privacy.

( chuckles )

( shutter clicks )

So, what's your deal?

Are you a student?

No, I graduated

last year.

From where?

Boston.

Boston University?

No, it was in

Cambridge actually.

Emerson, Brandeis,

Northeastern...

Harvard.

So, why don't you

just say Harvard?

Because when

I say Harvard,

people always reply

with something asinine,

like,

"Say something smart."

Hey, did you know Carrie

went to Harvard?

No way.

Say something smart.

No, no.

Seriously.

I think the influence

of Kierkegaard on Camus

is underestimated,

I believe Hobbes

is just Rousseau

in a dark mirror,

and I truly

believe with Hegel

that transcendence

is absorption.

Cool.

I have no idea

what you just said,

but you sure sound

like a friggin' genius.

I stole that

from "Infinite Jest"

by David Foster Wallace.

Oh, come on.

Smart and pretty?

You must be killing it

out there.

You have a boyfriend?

Is that really

your next question?

Okay, so what kind of guy

are you looking for?

I'm not looking

for any kind of guy.

So, you go for girls?

No, I'm not a lesbian.

Are you a nun?

Good one.

I can't believe

you've never had Moroccan.

I've always wanted

to try it.

And thanks

for inviting me.

Well,

I couldn't have you alone

on Thanksgiving,

now could I?

What, so you don't take

all your students to dinner?

Only my best

and brightest.

( chuckles )

Sparkling water

for the lady,

and a glass of Barolo

for me, please.

Thank you.

You know...

I skipped a grade of school

growing up, too.

Yeah,

it was so frustrating

knowing

that I was smarter

than most

of the adults I knew,

and yet they still

treated me like a child.

I hated, absolutely hated,

being treated like a child.

Yeah,

I really hate that too.

Although,

I technically was a child

until fairly recently.

Yeah, but you've got

an old soul.

And I'm kind of young

at heart,

so I guess we meet

in the middle.

Yeah. Thanks.

Thank you.

Well, cheers.

- ( glasses clink )

- Cheers.

Oh, oh,

that's just masterful.

Really, really delicious.

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