Carry On ... Follow That Camel Page #2

Ah, so. Perhaps you

lost your honour

on the playing fields of Eton.

That was not Mr West's fault.

There was a gardener's daughter...

Simpson.

So, good. You can enlist.

But be careful, you

will be watched.

At the first sign of any

treachery, the firing squad.

The firing squad? Oh,

we'll enjoy that, sir.

- Mr West is an excellent shot.

- Le Pice. Take them away.

Yes, Kommandant Burger.

Recruits. Attention.

Right turn.

Quick march.

- After you, sir.

- No, that's all right.

- Oh, I insist.

- No, Simpson.

Get out.

- Le Pice.

- Yes, Herr Kommandant.

Turn them over to the

colour sergeant.

He will make soldiers of them.

Oh, er... didn't you know, sir?

Sergeant Nocker hasn't

returned from patrol yet.

Not back yet? But it's been six

days. Was he by himself again?

Ah, sugar date, hold

it right here, sugar.

Sergeant, do you

have to go back now?

Oh, come on, sugar date.

I explained to you.

We had six wonderful

days together.

Heaven. It was great.

It really was swinging.

But, baby, I belong here.

I've got my work to do.

Come back now.

Honey, can't I explain to you? I'm

a sergeant. I'm an important man.

- How do you think I got these?

- How did you get them?

Well, if I was to tell

you, you'd be even

more crazy about me

than you are now.

You're a good girl.

Thanks a lot, honey.

- Thanks for the lift.

- I have a good ass, no?

Give me a break, will you?

It's a vast country, I can't

take care of all of 'em.

Oh, well, back to

the humdrum life.

♪ When Johnny Comes

Marching Home ♪

Let me in.

Let me in, for pity's sakes.

Herr Kommandant. Sergeant

Nocker. He's back.

Impossible.

But yes, Herr Kommandant.

He's at the gates.

My God.

Colour Sergeant Nocker

reporting, sir.

Back from patrol. I...

No, sir. Thank you,

sir. I'll be all right.

After all, I've

just been five days

without food or water, that's all.

Bring water, quickly.

Did I say water? Thank you, sir.

I'll be all right. I

must file my report.

- Drink, Sergeant.

- No, thank...

Thank you, sir. Delicious, sir.

And now, Sergeant, if you feel

strong enough, your report.

Yes, sir. Well, last

Saturday, I got

a tip-off there would be an attack

on Fort Zuassantneuf.

It cost me 20 francs,

but I don't mind if I

don't get it back. It

was worth it, sir.

Sergeant, you will get it back.

Oh, thank you, sir.

You're a brick.

I thought I'd better

get to the garrison

and warn them immediately, sir.

At Zuassantneuf? But that's

over 200 kilometres away.

But what does that

matter, sir, with the

lives of fellow

legionnaires at stake, sir?

You went alone? What happened?

I was attacked by this

murderous group of Riffs.

Ah, so you were surprised.

I mean, what chance did I have?

One legionnaire against

a hundred Riffs?

A hundred?

But you don't have to

worry about them, sir.

Not with half their number dead.

I can hardly believe it.

I can hardly believe it myself.

I had to count them twice, sir.

Capitaine Le Pice, this gallantry

merits immediate recognition.

I will get the box,

Herr Kommandant.

Sergeant Nocker, I

salute your bravery.

You have acted in the highest

traditions of the Legion.

Oh, sir, you're embarrassing

me in front of the men.

Oh, sir, this isn't necessary.

I have enough medals.

It is a proud moment just

to serve for you, sir.

I don't... Oh, there's a goody.

Yes, this one here. Mm.

Solid silver. Splendid.

Thank you, sir.

Jane, my dear, I still

think you're wrong to go.

Oh, Papa, I must. Don't you see?

It was mainly because

of me that Bo left.

And it's my duty to

find him and tell

him that his name has

now been cleared.

Oh, very well, but please

be careful, my dear.

You've led far too

sheltered a life to know

what can possibly

happen to a young woman

travelling alone.

I have a first-class seat

reserved on the train.

Oh, I'm not bothered about

your seat. There'll be men.

What can men do to me?

Oh, far too sheltered a life.

Bye, my dear.

Oh, good morning, miss. I just

wanted to punch your ticket.

- Punch my ticket?

- That's right.

Are you er... Are you

travelling alone, miss?

Well, yes. Why?

Oh.

Well, there's er...

nothing to it, really.

What a funny way to

punch my ticket.

♪ Reveille ♪

Wake up, you dogs. Wake up.

Wake up. You... Wake up.

Come on. You sons of dogs.

Sleeping will stop now.

What are you doing?

Hey. You. Wake up.

- Good morning, sir.

- Oh, good morning, Simpson.

It appears it's time to rise, sir.

Oh, thank you very

much. Where's the tea?

There doesn't seem to

be any served yet, sir.

Oh.

Well, in that case, run

my bath, would you?

I regret to inform you, sir, that

I've been unable to find a bath.

No baths?

No, sir. I'm given to

understand that...

- Oh, dare I say it, sir?

- Please dare.

That one uses a horse

trough outside, sir.

Oh, well, in that

case, run my trough.

Thank you, Clotski.

It's nice to be back.

The simple comforts.

That was a rough patrol

you had, Sergeant.

They don't come any

rougher, Clotski.

Six days, six nights on the

job... takes a lot out of a man.

You bet. You bet.

You know, Sergeant,

it's incredible.

You do all that walking, and not

a grain of sand in your boots.

Yeah, when I do what I do,

I do it with my boots off.

Ah, it's good to be back.

Look out on the old

parade grounds and see...

What the hell is that?

I must be seeing things.

They're the two new ones.

Came in yesterday.

What do they think

this is? A health spa?

What are they? Newly-weds.

Or something?

They're English,

Sergeant. You know

the English? They're half nuts.

By the time I'm finished with

them, they'll be whole nuts.

Boy. I'm looking forward

to training those two.

I haven't had anything

as good to work

on since that other

limey was here.

- What was his name?

- Beau Legs.

Ah. That's the one.

Ok. Get 'em on parade

ground. Corporal.

What have you got

in mind, Sergeant?

Get 'em on parade

ground at the double.

Fools. Hurry up.

What do you think this is? A

picnic? You lousy dogs. Damn you.

You're soldiers,

do you understand?

Come along. Come along. All

right, now. Properly at ease,

you lousy pigs.

- All present, Corporal?

- Except for the two new ones.

Leave them to me, Sergeant.

Fall in. I'll handle

this one myself.

Maybe I'll get a chance

to bathe the baby.

Get up. Get up. Every one of you.

Now. Then. Properly at ease.

You lousy pigs. Quick march.

Move. You dogs. Come on. Quick.

All right, what's

going on here? Ain't

he old enough to dress himself?

A gentleman never dresses himself.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

You see, I'm so terribly

ignorant of these facts.

That's perfectly all

right, old chap.

You'll learn. Something

we can do for you?

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