Carry On ... Follow That Camel Page #3

Yes. Er...

I wonder if you'd care to join

us for a teensy-weensy parade?

You see, the Kommandant will be

there. Oh, it'll be such fun.

That's very decent

of you, Sergeant.

Thank you very much indeed.

We'd both be delighted.

Oh, bully, bully, bully.

Just as soon as we've

breakfasted. Oh,

by the way, where

is the restaurant?

Oh... I'm terribly sorry, I'm

afraid there is no restaurant.

- But I'll tell you what there is.

- Oh? What?

We have a pit where we bury

you up to your neck in sand,

- for days and days.

- Oh? What for?

For talking back at your sergeant.

For not being ready for parade.

And for acting like

motherless, fatherless jerks.

Now, you get with it.

Get dressed, and be out

there in five seconds.

Get on parade now. On the double.

Come.

- Ready for inspection, sir.

- Thank you, Sergeant.

In future, I want the

garrison kept on standby.

All leave is cancelled,

and double the guards.

You got it.

Double the guards? What for, sir?

I am expecting trouble.

Have you seen these?

Whoa. Would you like to

have them filled, sir?

Sergeant.

I mean, any woman

wearing these could

cause plenty of trouble

around the fort.

Don't you worry,

sir, I'll track her

down. She won't lay

a glove on you.

I did not get them from

a woman, Sergeant.

Then from who, sir? I...

Hello.

Hello.

They were raised on the

flagpole yesterday morning.

There's a message on them. Look.

A message? I didn't

see... Oh. Abdul Abulbul.

I wouldn't worry about him, sir.

Don't give it a second thought.

After all, he has twelve wives.

What time has he got

left for fighting?

There's an old Arab

saying, Sergeant.

"The more a camel has to drink,

the more he will

want to make stops."

That's a goody. Did

you hear the one

about the butler and

the upstairs maid?

Sergeant.

I want you to bear that in mind. I

am now ready to inspect your men.

Sir.

Present... arms.

Yes.

Straighten the jacket.

Yes, good.

Very good. Mm, very...

Huh? What's this?

A joke?

Oh, I forgot I had

it on my head, sir.

- Deal with this man, Sergeant.

- Yes, sir, it'll be a pleasure.

Oh, it's the hat. Oh,

don't blame him, sir.

He was so busy helping

me, that he...

Silence.

Argh. Argh. Argh.

Ow. Oh.

Come in.

Hello, mademoiselle.

Welcome aboard.

Oh, thanks, I'm sure.

It is possible, mademoiselle, that

it will be rough in the Channel.

- I must check your porthole.

- By all means.

Mademoiselle is travelling alone?

- Yes. Why?

- Huh.

Oh. What an odd way

to check my porthole.

These damn flies.

I'm sorry, sir. It's all my fault.

Ah, well, Simpson, only

another five more days to go.

Yes, sir, but...

Sir?

Yes, Simpson, what is it?

Do you think they have

worms in the Sahara, sir?

I don't know. Why?

There's something crawling

up my... sir. Help.

Now, steady on, Simpson.

Oh, I can't stand much

more of this, sir.

Forgive me, sir, but with your

permission, I think I'll go mad.

Oh, I've got the worms. The worms.

Steady on, Simpson. Steady on.

There'll be plenty more of this.

That sergeant's got it in for us.

Oh, I know, sir.

And just think,

sir. He was the one

that told us where

to come and enlist.

What do you mean?

That's Sergeant Nocker, sir.

The one the woman

in the café went to

ask. He was in the back room. Ooh.

And then, a little while

later, he came in looking

a wreck, and staggering

about all over the place.

So would I, if I'd spent some

time with that woman, sir.

But he told the Kommandant he'd

just come back from patrol.

And he got decorated for bravery.

Enjoying yourselves, gentlemen?

We're just beginning to, Sergeant.

Well, I'm glad to hear that.

Because when I get

you out of here,

I'll make your lives so miserable,

you'll be glad to get back in.

Oh, I don't think so, Sergeant.

Not a brave man like you, who can

go out on patrol and kill 50 Riffs

- single-handed.

- 53.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

You see what I mean, Simpson?

It wasn't Sergeant Nocker in

the café with that woman.

But it was, sir. I saw

him through the curtain.

Nonsense. You must

be imagining things.

When we get out of here, we'll

go and ask the Kommandant.

- He should know.

- Hey, wait a minute.

Were you the two guys in the

café yesterday morning?

So, it was you in there, Sergeant.

Clotski.

- Sergeant.

- Corporal Clotski,

what are these fine

men doing down there?

But, Sergeant, you told me

to put them in the hot box.

I told you? I would

waste the talent of

these two intelligent,

hard-working,

conscientious soldiers

in this manner?

You must be out of your mind.

- But, Sergeant, you...

- Don't but me.

But, Sergeant...

Dig these gentlemen out

of here on the double.

Yes, Sergeant.

Don't worry, fellas, it's all

been a mistake. Have a cigar.

I have a feeling we're

gonna be real buddies.

Left, right, left, right,

left, right, left, right.

Work it. Work it.

Move it. Move it.

Get those legs up.

Move it. Move it.

Aitcha. Aitcha. Aitcha.

How you doing. Fellas?

Everything all right?

En garde.

Charge.

Argh.

I'm so sorry, Sergeant.

That's all right. Anybody can

make a little mistake... buddy.

Wakey-wakey, Simmy.

Tea's up.

Thank you very much

indeed, Sergeant.

Oh, no bother. I wonder if you

would make parade this morning?

It's Kommandant's inspection. It

shouldn't take long, you know.

Yes, I think we could make it.

Oh, that's what I admire-keenness.

However, no hurry.

Whenever you're ready... buddy.

Come along, you guys.

Hold it. Right there.

Right there. Now, shut your eyes.

Come on. Shut your eyes. This

is going to be a surprise.

You're not shutting your eyes.

Ok, open 'em.

Surprise.

Oh, Sergeant, we... we

don't know what to say.

Ah, just a small token

of my esteem, buddies.

But... but where did

you get it from?

Oh... never mind, just

don't tell anybody.

Le Pice.

- Le Pice.

- Yes, Herr Kommandant.

- Where's my bathtub gone?

- Your bathtub?

Come in.

Welcome to the Kaifer Hotel,

Algeria, mademoiselle.

- I am the manager.

- How nice.

I just wanted to see whether your

accommodation is

er... satisfactory.

Well, yes. Yes, I'm sure.

Mademoiselle travels alone?

Yes.

Ooh. What an

extraordinary way to see

if my accommodation's

satisfactory.

♪ Exotic music ♪

You can't beat it. There's nothing

like an old-fashioned waltz.

You not say hello to me

tonight, my sergeant.

Hello. Do you mind, honey? I can't

see. Would you get out of the way?

And you.

Hello, baby. How about giving

us the dance of the two veils?

You mean seven veils.

Why bother with the

preliminaries, huh?

Hey, did you see that?

She's crazy about me.

She's very beautiful.

But why was she

wearing that ruby in

her... Well, in here?

That's to keep the draught out.

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