Carry On ... Follow That Camel Page #7

us something. Yes,

West, what is it?

Turn... me over.

I want to do my back.

Argh. She might be being

murdered, and all

he can think of is

getting an even tan.

Oh, don't pay any attention

to him, sir. He's delirious.

Boy, where is she?

Where is Lady Jane?

Took her. Took her with them

to raid Fort Zuassantneuf.

Ah, then we are not too late.

Look after him, Sergeant.

Ok, sir. Take it easy,

you'll be all right.

We leave at once for Fort

Zuassantneuf. Fall in.

Oh, Herr Kommandant, it is many

miles away. There

is no water left.

Fool. We can fill

our water bottles

at the oasis. Come on. Jump to it.

Those fiendish devils.

Now you see why I let

the sergeant go.

He will lead them

straight into my trap.

- Do we attack them now, Effendi?

- No, no.

We wait two or three days.

Without water, they

will be weaker then.

I did not say halt.

March, you swines. March.

Sir, the men have been

marching for two days

without a rest. They

must have a break, sir.

Very well. One hour. That's all.

Thank you, sir, you're all heart.

All right, good news, you monkeys.

Fall out for one hour.

- One hour.

- One hour's rest, sarge.

Sir, I'm rather

worried about morale.

If we don't get water soon,

you'll have trouble from the men.

You are the adjutant,

Capitaine Le Pice.

It is your job to keep

their minds occupied

so they forget about their thirst.

As a matter of fact, I did

have rather a good idea.

Then act on it, Le

Pice. Act on it.

I'd love to.

God in heaven. Fool.

They have stopped. Effendi.

But what is it they are doing?

Kommandant Burger, we're

all ready for you.

- And you'll be amazed.

- Good.

Strange.

I think the time has

come to attack.

Tell my warriors to make ready.

Fun, ain't it, sir?

It's lovely weather, huh?

Yes, they are good, these castles.

They are all so

very good, I think.

Mm, yes, this one, too.

But I think this one.

This one is the best.

First prize, Clotski.

What? Mine's better than his.

Oh, you think so, huh?

Yeah.

Stop it. Stop it.

It's only a game.

Stop it, I tell you. Argh. Oh. Oh.

Come on. You two.

Now, what I...

Simpson, tread on his.

Our men are ready

to attack, Effendi.

Wait. I think the job

is being done for us.

We do not need to

attack these fools.

Pass the word.

We march on Fort

Zuassantneuf immediately.

The prophet has truly said.

The behaviour of

the white infidels

is like blood coming from a stone.

Bleeding mystery.

Oh, you beaver.

Sorry, sorry. All

right. Take it easy.

Just relax. Oh, ok.

All right, all right, all right.

- That's it, sir.

- How many casualties, Sergeant?

- 16, sir.

- 16?

It's disgraceful.

Absolutely disgusting.

Oh, come on, sir.

They're a good bunch of

boys, just letting

off a bit of steam.

But 16 casualties.

You, Le Pice, with

your bright ideas.

Well, you don't have

to blame me. Oh,

you really can be a rotten Burger.

- Sergeant.

- Sir.

Sort out those fit enough to

march on Fort Zuassantneuf.

Sir, all that way without water?

We must go on. Not

only to save Lady

Jane, but to relieve the garrison.

- But what about the captain, sir?

- You won't be taking Le Pice.

I'm asking a serious

question, sir.

What about the captain?

You fool. I mean Le Pice

will not be coming with us.

I am sending him back

to Sidi-Bel-Abbès.

He will fetch reinforcements.

- Le Pice.

- Yes, Kommandant.

- I wish to see the map.

- Yes, Herr Kommandant.

Ah.

Here is our objective.

Fort Zuassantneuf. And here

is our present position.

Left... turn.

For... ward.

Left, right, left, right,

left, right, left,

right, left, right...

Sergeant.

Legionnaires, attention.

Forward march.

Hup.

Simpson, look. A well.

A well.

Hurray.

Hurray, there's a...

Hey, hey, relax. Take it easy.

- Did you see?

- It was there.

Shut up. There's nothing there.

There was, Sergeant. It's a well.

Mr Bo's right, Sergeant.

There was a well.

Of course there was a well. And

you're Jack, and you're Jill.

Where is it? Where did it go to?

Look, kid, it was never

there. It's a mirage.

A mirage? I don't believe it.

You don't believe it. Well, I'll

prove it to you.

You see this coin?

Coin, right? Coin.

I will now throw it

down the well. Here.

See?

Sergeant, you should

have made a wish.

I wish you'd shut up.

What about the well?

What about the well?

Move it. Move it. Move.

Sir.

Look. Ah. I can't believe it.

Wa-hey.

Sim...

Simpson. There's no wa...

Where's the water?

Another mirage. It even

had me fooled that time.

Look at that.

Restaurant, bar, dancing. Now

that's what I call a mirage.

It has been seen

many times before.

Come, we must go on.

I told you it was a

mistake building

right out here. Nobody ever stops.

I cannot stand it no

more. I've had enough.

I cannot stand it, I tell

you. I cannot stand it.

- What's the matter, Clotski?

- I'm thirsty.

I think he wants water.

Don't look at me. What

can I do about it?

I cannot make water.

- We're done for.

- Simpson.

No, sir, we'll never get out of

here alive. Look at the vultures.

To hell with you. To

hell with all of you.

Go on. Do your worst.

Ooh. Blimey, one did.

Men. You must pull

yourselves together.

There's plenty of

water at the fort.

On. On. We must go on.

Ooh, sir, he does go on.

♪ Oh, I do like to be

beside the seaside ♪

♪ Oh, I do like to

be beside the sea ♪

♪ Oh, I do like to stroll

along the prom, prom, prom ♪

♪ Where the brass band

plays tiddly-om-pom-pom ♪

♪ To be beside the seaside ♪

♪ Oh, I do like to

be beside the sea ♪

♪ Oh, I do like to stroll ♪

Look. The fort.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Get out of the way.

Get out of the way.

Do you mind?

I say, sir, are...

are we too late?

♪ Arabic music ♪

Well, I've heard

this sort of music

before. It's for a

wedding celebration.

Oh, is that all?

Yes, it's when the chief

is taking another wife.

Good luck to him. He's

got twelve already.

And another wife...

Number thirteen? Lady Jane?

Oh, no.

Now, don't panic, sir.

It may not be too late.

Er, Kommandant, sir, is it a

before or an after celebration?

Before. It is to wish the

chief an abundant harvest.

It's called The Song Of The Oats.

Oh, no. Let's hurry,

before it's too late.

There she is.

There is still time.

This music is to wish

the chief great

virility and endurance.

The day of the morrow, we

march on Sidi-Bel-Abbès.

But the night of tonight,

to mark your gallant victory,

I, your chief,

will take another wife to bosom.

Go to my tent.

The hour of your

fulfilment approaches.

Oh, look here, do I

have to be fulfilled?

Take her.

Oh.

My people,

the time is nigh.

I wish mine was. I could use

a nigh old time right now.

Come, we will try and

work our way round

and up under the back of her tent.

But she isn't wearing one.

Are all with us.

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