Carry on at Your Convenience Page #7

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with other people's seating arrangements.

If you don't mind,

we'll continue with the dictation.

Oh, damn the dictation!

I don't care what you think of me any more,

but I'm not going to stand by and watch you

throw everything away like this!

Miss Withering, you're pressing on my keys!

Then, William, fight back.

I'll be at your side. I'll work for nothing.

We can do it, William.

I'm sure we can do it together.

I don't want us to do it together.

You've borne all this too long, William.

You've lost confidence.

All you need is a good prod.

Oh! I assure you,

that is the very last thing I need.

Lean on me, my dear. Take strength from me.

Together we'll see it through.

Ooh-ooh!

Ooh!

Blimey, talk about the power game.

Oh!

Dad, I'm sorry we barged in on you like that.

I had no idea you and Miss Withering were...

We weren't and, what's more, we never have.

It's just that she was upset,

worried about her future.

After all, she's not getting any younger.

She's not getting any.

Yes. Well...

Did you have any luck with the union?

None. The Industrial Relations Committee's

come back from Rio all right,

but the Action Committee's gone off to Russia.

Well, I suppose that's that.

Why are there no pickets on the gate?

It's after nine.

They're probably on strike.

Dad, look.

I can't believe it.

- They're coming back.

- I had a feeling they would today.

- Why today?

- It's the annual works outing.

Yeah... Oh.

Well, I suppose we'd better get ready,

Mr Plummer.

- Ready? For what?

- Dad, you're not going with them.

- Yes, I am, my boy.

- But why?

Because I have suddenly decided,

after all these years,

that what I've been missing

is a right good booze-up!

No Fred, then?

No. He's off on another sales trip.

What a pity. Today of all days.

I know. I spent half the night

trying to talk him into having it off.

I wouldn't have needed any persuading.

I bet.

You've got nothing to worry about.

- I shall be very happy to look after you today.

- Oh, ta.

That'll be nice, won't it, Maud?

Mr Plummer's offered to look after us today.

Oh, that'll be lovely, Mr Plummer.

Pleasure.

I was just saying to Chloe,

it's not much fun without a man.

You should know.

Ooh!

You've never done it before?

No. Have you?

- Oh, loads of times.

- What's it like?

Well, my mate Vic arranges it all.

See, we get to Brighton about 12 o'clock

and then we have this slap-up meal,

serviettes an' all.

What do we do after?

Well, we can do anything once we're there.

We can go on the pier. Eat winkles.

Throw stones in the water.

To be frank, Mr Coote, I've never tried it.

Really, Miss Withering?

Well, you've certainly missed something.

- I'm always ready to learn.

- Oh. Well...

Er... it's a bit difficult to show you here,

but I can tell you how it's played.

First of all, you deal out five cards

to each person, you see.

You know...

I can't think why I didn't notice you

at the factory before.

The day I got taken on, they all went on strike.

You're lucky.

I had to work three weeks before I got one.

I'm on my own today, you know.

So I gathered, yes.

It's the best way. Why lumber yourself

with a bird going down to Brighton?

- It's like taking coals to Newcastle, innit?

- If you say so.

Oh, yes. The place is full of spare.

The last time we went, we had to fight them off.

- Like flies, they were.

- Well, some people attract them, don't they?

Just like dustbins.

Er, yeah. Yeah. I suppose so.

Look, if you're going to be on your own as well,

I wouldn't mind showing you around.

Oh, thanks all the same, but I don't think

you ought to disappoint all those poor flies.

Of course,

I'd love to spend the day with you, Vic.

- Would you?

- Yeah.

Oh, well, that's all right, then, innit? Eh?

Come on, boys and girls. This is where

we're supposed to have lunch. Follow me.

Lunch time!

Good morning.

Ah, good morning, brother.

We are the Boggs & Son's outing.

Oh, yes, and I'm sorry to tell you this,

but I'm afraid we can't do you lunch.

Oh, no. I'm starving.

What? But I booked it... six weeks ago.

Yes, I know and I'm sorry, but

our entire restaurant staff has gone on strike.

Gone on strike? Well, they can't do that.

Listen who's talking.

The bar's open and there are cold snacks,

but that's the best we can offer you.

Well, that just isn't good enough.

Who do they think they are?

They're just a bunch of downtrodden workers,

being exploited

by an unscrupulous management.

You should know that.

What does it matter? A drink will do me.

Hear hear. Cheer up, everybody.

The drinks are on me.

This way, sir, please.

Don't you worry.

I won't let them get away with this.

They are taking the bread out of

the poor workers' mouths.

- There's nothing we can do about it, Vic.

- No.

Of course there is. I am not going to be pushed

around by a bunch of ruddy anarchists!

And I'm going to tell 'em. Come on.

Ah. Hey, you.

What's all this about you lot being on strike?

That's right, mate. We are.

What about it, then?

Tell him, Bernie.

You're taking the bread

out of the poor workers' mouths.

You don't say.

You're just a bunch of ruddy anarchists.

Really? Who says so?

He does.

There you are, Mr Spanner.

Just in time for your drink.

- Same again all round, please, barman.

- Ah, there you are, Vic.

Well, we certainly told him, didn't we?

# She'll be coming round the mountain

when she comes

# She'll be coming round the mountain...

- Myrtle, listen to me.

- Will you go away and stop bothering me?

- No, I damn well won't.

- Now, then. Now, then.

You heard what Myrt said. So buzz off.

If you don't get out of the way,

I'll knock your head off.

Yes?

Yes.

Bernie.

- Now, now, Mr Lewis, we don't want no trouble.

- No? Who's going to stop it, then?

Me, if I have to.

All right. Go on, then. Go on. Try it, then! Try it!

All right, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Now you've really done it.

Oh, for God's sake.

# Singing aye aye yippee, yippee aye...

Gosh, I am sorry, Vic. Are you all right?

# Singing aye aye yippee, aye aye yippee

# Aye aye yippee, yippee aye!

Oh, splendid! Splendid! Let's have more drinks!

Oh, no! Come on. Let's go for a walk.

There's a smashing front here.

- There's a smashing one there an' all.

- Saucy!

I know! I know!

Let's all go on the pier and have a winkle.

You can have one here, just through that door.

Oh! Ha-ha! No, let's go on the pier.

Come on, man. Come on.

Look. The hall of mirrors.

We have a lot of conferences down here.

There's nothing to it. I'll show you.

It looks quite easy. Let's all have a go.

Hey! Hey! Watch it!

One in my pipe.

Come on, then.

Skinheads!

Ha-ha-ha! That showed him.

Ah!

- There's something I want to have a go at.

- Come on, then.

Hold it. Hold it. Perfectly still.

I'm going to take it...

now!

How was that?

Beautiful, Bern, beautiful

Come on, Vic. Let's have a go on the mat.

What? In front of everybody?

Oh, you mean the helter-skelter.

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