Carry On Cowboy Page #3

You don't need to worry.

They ain't got rosebuds on them.

I'm glad to hear it. I...

What?

I'm kinda busy.

I've got some folk waiting in the surger.

Oh, he must have seen them

on the clothesline.

- [Cowboy] Yahoo!

- I'm gonna put a stop to this.

Stop! Stop!

Stop! Stop!

[# Music stops]

Stop this disgraceful exhibition

immediateiy!

Go on, get outta here!

And kindly adjust your dress

before leaving.

Hey. Just what do you think

you're doing, Judge?

Mr Kid, as Mayor of this town,

and guardian of law and order,

I must object most strongly

to this impropriety.

impro... what?

All this jigging up and down

and lascivious dancing.

What? it's educational.

educational? They never showed me

anything like that when I was at school.

That's what I mean.

it's never too late to learn.

Sit down, Judge.

Grab yourself a piece of culture.

Culture? Just a minute.

I suppose you think that's culture.

Nope. That's my Aunt Fanny.

She give me that

as a sort of housewarming present.

Artistic, ain't it?

But she ain't got no clothes on.

Certainly not.

She's in her working outfit.

- What?

- She's an artist's model.

I don't care if she's Lady Godiva.

She's gotta come down.

I can't have that sort of thing around here.

I'm determined

to keep the Stodge out of sex.

The... the sex out of Stodge.

Suppose you get out of here

while you're in one piece.

I haven't finished yet.

Oh, no.

There's something else.

You've got to stop shooting

all them cashiers at the bank.

Wait. You can't biame me for that.

They won't let me draw no money.

Before you draw money out of a bank,

you're supposed to put some in.

That's a funny way to rob a bank.

And don't think I don't know

who's behind all the cattlerustling

that's been going on around here.

What cattlerustling?

You won't find no cows here.

Not the kind you're looking for.

Don't think

you're gonna get away with it, Rumpo.

I'm gonna get you.

Do you hear me?

I'm gonna get you.

Now's as good a time as any, Judge.

Don't get me wrong.

I-I-I was only joking.

Make me laugh some more.

Go for your gun.

[Kid chuckles]

Judge!

Judge...

this telegraph just come for you.

A-ha! It's from Washington.

They're sending down

a United States Marshal.

- A what?

- Yeah. Kinda changes things, doesn't it?

He'll arrive on the first stage

from Denver. Huh!

[Both] Yeah!

Excuse me.

Do you go all the way?

- I-I beg your pardon?

- All the way... to Stodge City?

Oh, yeah.

I have a job of work to do there.

Really?

Oh, that's marvellous. So do I.

I'm a drainage, sanitation and

garbage disposal engineer, first class.

I just knew

you'd be something exciting like that.

I've been sent to clean up the town.

I had something in mind for myself

like that.

- What are you going for?

- Vengeance.

Oh... What?

My father was Sheriff in Stodge City

and somebody shot him.

I'm going there to find out who.

Oh, I'm sorryy to hear that.

But I don't think a nice girl like you

should be doing things like that.

I mean, even if you do find out who it was,

what can you do?

KllI him?

It's no use, Johnny.

If a marshal's coming to Stodge,

we may just as well pack up and move on.

- If he gets this far.

- Well, how are you gonna stop him?

You take a shot at a peace marshal

and they'll send

the whole US Cavalry in to get you.

Belle's right, Kid.

You can't touch a Marshal.

I know. But just supposing

that stage was to get raided by Indians?

Are you kidding?

There's oniy one lot of Indians

left around here

and they couldn't raid a larder.

Maybe we could give 'em a hand.

Come on, Charlle,

Let's go and talk to 'em.

Stop!

How! We come in peace.

Look, here, Mr... injun.

We ain't come here to buy a load ofjunk.

We wanna talk with the big chief.

Savvy?

You wait.

Big chief in little lodge.

[Toilet flushes]

Oh, hello!

[Speaks tribal language]

Hait.

Meum big palefaced chief

from-um Stodge City.

Meum saiute-um big chief.

Meum want-um powwow.

I say, you do talk funny.

You must be foreigners.

Why didn't you tell me

he could talk English?

I'm sorryy, Kid. I didn't know.

Chief, this is Johnny Finger,

known as the Rumpo Kid.

Oh, how do you do?

And a very charming name.

I'm called Man Ooh-ahh!

Roughiy transiated,

it means "Big Heap".

Very picturesque.

And this is my son Little Heap.

Or as we say, Mini Man Ooh-ahh.

[Speaks tribal language]

No, you can't have their scalps.

The very idea. He's scalp mad.

Glad to hear that, Chief.

Maybe we can help him get one.

Oh, no, don't encourage him.

We can sit down and talk it over,

can't we?

But, of course.

Where are my manners?

I think you'll find this piece of ground

most comfortable. No sharp stones.

Son, tell my squaw

to fetch the peace pipe.

Ugh!

You'd care for a piece of pipe?

Be glad to, Chief. I once talked peace

with the Sioux, but you can't trust 'em.

One minute, it was peace on,

the next... peace off.

You won't have any troubie with us,

I can assure you.

Personally, I hate fighting.

[Growls]

Oh.

This is my new squaw, Kitikata.

I bought her for two buffalo skins.

- How?

- Never mind how. Where?

[Pipe gurgles]

[Coughs]

What have you got in there -

old moccasins?

- Thank you, no. I'm tring to give it up.

- I don't blame you.

You don't happen to have any fire water,

do you?

You like whisky?

Oh, my favourite brand!

Ah-ah. if I give you this,

I gotta have something in return.

She's yours.

Oh, no, not that.

Well... maybe...

maybe that on account.

- What else do you want?

- A certain fella got rid of.

Where is he? On the stage.

Oh! I don't blame you.

I can't stand actors myself.

Peculiar lot.

The stagecoach

coming in from Denver today.

All you gotta do is raid it and get him.

Oh, I don't like the sound of that.

I'm told they carry guns on these stages.

It might get rough.

Your favourite brand. Try some.

Pienty more where that come from.

Well...

Cory.

Down with Custer!

Slaughter the pale faces.

Massacre the lot!

Ah. That's the signal

from Little Heap.

That means

they've sighted the stage.

- Where?

- Well, there.

Don't you see the smoke signals?

Now, I must acknowiedge them.

I'll be glad when this is over.

I feeI a right Charlle in this get-up,

I can tell you.

You look great, a sort of a cross

between Hlawatha and Rose Marie.

Eurgh. I still I don't see

why we have to dress up like this.

Because we have to look like injuns.

I don't trust that Big Heap

out of my sight.

Now, quit beefing

and give me that dynamite.

Come on, fella.

Here. if you can't stop that stage

any other way, use these.

Oh, thank you.

What are you messing about at?

I'm just tring to start a fire

to answer Little Heap.

- Try a match.

- Oh, dear me, no.

Why, my peopie have been getting fire

this way for thousands of years.

It's such fun.

What's that got to do with it?

They got kids the same way

for thousands of years, too.

Well?

Carry on with the sticks.

All right, get on your horses.

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