Carry On Cowboy Page #4

[Explosion]

[Laughs]

I say. it's never worked

as well as that before.

Oh, we've stopped.

So we have.

And I shouid think so, too.

12 hours is a long time

in a coach with no corridor.

Well, where is it?

We ain't stopped for that, mister.

Looked up over there.

injuns.

- What?

- injuns?

You mean railway engines?

Red injuns. Them's smoke signals.

- What do they mean?

- Danged if I know.

Oh, I can tell you.

I bought a useful phrase book

in Washington.

Smoke signals...

Ah, here it is.

Now, what are they saying?

Puff, puff, puff, puff...

puff, puff, puff, puff...

puff-puff, p-puff.

Here it is. "Please direct me

to the ladies' or gentlemen's cloakroom."

That can't be right, can it?

Well, if it is,

Indians can't be ver particular.

Yeah, well, I ain't hanging around here,

listening to you puffing.

Cos all I know is,

where there's injuns, there's troubie.

Trouble? Oh, don't be siliy.

There hasn't been

any trouble with Indians for years.

They're perfectiy friendiy now.

Call that friendiy?

Oh, they're only playing.

They wouldn't hurt us.

Some game.

[Indians whooping]

Now, what are we gonna do, mister?

Play with 'em?

Now, don't panic.

It's all right.

I know what to do.

Form a circle.

Yes, that's it!

Form a circle.

With one coach?

- Oh, yes, that would be difficult.

- If you two don't mind, I'll get back in.

- That's a good idea.

- Oh, no, you don't, mister.

We're gonna need ever man

that we've got.

Now, you get a hold of that,

get up there and start shootin'!

[Gunfire]

I don't know

what we would have done without him.

I'd better get to work, I suppose.

[Indians whooping a war cry]

I got one!

Two that time, with only one bullet!

Look, they've shot three of my braves.

What do you want them to do?

Use bullets with those little

rubber suction cups stuck on the end?

Here, have a drop more courage.

That does it!

Littie Heap!

- What are you doing?

- I'm calling off the attack.

Oompah! Stickity!

Jumper! Bloody quick!

They're going!

Hey, come back. You gonna iet

one little fella chase you away?

You call yourseif braves?

I've seen braver cowards.

Wh-wh-wh-what happened?

Eugh.

They've run away.

They've had enough.

Well, yeah, you get down off there

and we get out of here

before they come back.

What hit me?

Oh, no. I don't believe it.

What happened to him?

- Oh, it was just the excitement, I guess.

- Oh.

- Get him in the coach.

- Hold this a minute.

Come on! Let's get out of here.

Come on, giddup! Giddup!

Giddup!

- Do you drive?

- Who? Me? Er, yes, I suppose so.

Well, I should start, if I were you.

There's still a couple of Indians

left over there.

Oh, right.

Yah! Yah!

Come on. Whoa.

We got to

finish this off ourselves, Charlie.

Is he mad?

Looks like it.

I'm getting out of here. Giddup.

[Kid] Ow!

Charlie! Charlie! Help!

Oh! Where you been?

You want help

getting on your horse, Kid?

Are you joking?

- Oh!

- [Laughs]

Ah, shut up!

Oh!

Shut up!

- is he gonna be all right, Doc?

- Yeah, reckon so.

Pity.

He's coming round.

Something wrong with your drains.

He's delirious. Ah, poor feller.

- Indians! Indians!

- Where?

Listen, don't worry.

You're gonna be quite safe now.

He's gonna be all right.

He's just a bit shook up, that's all.

Pity.

Don't keep saying that.

It gets on my nerves.

What exactiy happened, Bert?

Well, I don't rightiy know, for sure.

But from what Miss Oakley here says,

This young fella shot three injuns

and drove the rest of 'em away.

Amazing. Is that right, miss?

Well, there was only him.

You couldn't expect a defenceiess

little thing like me to do anything?

I suppose not.

It seems incredible.

Well, I think he was just wonderful.

I don't know

what I'd have done without him.

Oh, it was nothing.

If you'll excuse me,

I'd like to get settled in.

There is a hotel here, isn't there?

Yes, but I wouldn't recommend it,

Miss Oakley.

They get a funny lot in there.

I think I can take care of myself,

thank you.

- I'll take you over, Miss.

- Ah, thank you.

Gosh, this sure is heavy.

Just a few feminine,

little knick-knacks.

Yeah.

Oh, she's ioveiy.

You won't have time for that sort of thing.

You've got work to do.

Don't worr, sir.

I'm ver keen to get started right away.

That's the spirit.

I'll show you your office, Marshal.

Marshal?

How did you know my name?

Washington told me you were coming.

I am Judge Burke, the Mayor.

That's right. The Judge's folk founded

Stodge City, Marshal.

My great grandfather came over here

on the Mayflower.

He was the original Burke.

He married into the Wright family

and became a Wright-Burke.

The whole famlly

are Wright-Burkes, Marshal.

Charming.

"Rumpo's Piace".

It sounds pretty exclusive.

Yeah. The Rumpo Kid, that is, miss.

He runs this town.

- Don't you have a Sheriff?

- We did have, but he sort of died.

- Oh, really? How?

- Lead poisoning.

Who shot the lead into him?

I can't say, miss.

And if I was you, I wouldn't ask

questions like that around these parts.

Right, in here.

Charlle will fix you up with a room.

Here we are, Marshal.

Thank you, Judge, but I wish

you'd call me Marsh like my friends do.

- Marsh?

- Yes, it's short for Marshal.

- Oh, I couldn't do a thing like that.

- You couldn't?

No. it'd be like me

calling the Sheriff "Sheree".

People around here

Would have thought that mighty peculiar.

Well, this is it. How do you like it?

Oh, it's very cosy.

And there's a nice bedroom for you

through there,

and plenty of guns for you to use.

Oh, thank you very much.

But what do I want guns for?

Don't tell me

you've got rats around here.

Have we got rats?

Ever since the Rumpo Kid came to town,

the place has been full of them.

That's not so good.

They didn't tell me that was your problem.

Well, never mind.

I'm sure you'll get rid of them.

Oh, yes. Mind you, I won't be going round

shooting these rats, Judge.

The thing to do is to find out

where they do their breeding.

- Really?

- So as you don't get any more.

Well, that sounds

like a long-term policy to me.

Stlli, I'm sure you must know

what you're doing.

Oh, yes. in my experience,

they usually do it down in the drains.

You must have had

some ver funny experiences.

I have. Well, you can't be

a drainage engineer without, you know.

- A what?

- A drainage engineer. That's my job.

But you're a Marshal.

No, Marshal's my name.

Marshal P. Knutt.

Drainage, sanitation and

garbage disposaI engineer, first ciass.

They sent me down here to ciean

the piace up. Didn't they tell you?

But we want a peace Marshal,

not a drainee Marshal.

Drainage, -age, -age.

Oh! Don't you understand?

This town is full of gunmen and outlaws.

That's what we want cleaned up.

You mean, there isn't a job for me?

Of course there isn't a job for...

Wait a minute.

No-one around here knows

you're not a real Marshal, do they?

Oh, Annie Oakley.

I told her my job.

Oh, she don't matter.

And you did shoot all them Indians

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