Carry On Cowboy Page #8

You, old bag,

I'm calling an old bag.

Ah! You cat. I'll get you! Ah!

[Shrieking and yelling]

[Thudding against wall]

Ah!

Think of the neighbours.

Ladies, piease.

Now, look what you've done.

Oh, I'm sorry, Marshal, really, I am.

Marsh, honey, are you all right?

There, there.

Belle will make it up to you.

Take your hands off him,

you big troll!

Look, you ieave him aione,

you harpy!

I said I can take care of him,

you cowgirl.

Cowgirl? if I called you that,

I'd oniy be haif right.

Why, you...

Oh. Oh, Marsh. Marsh, honey.

[Little Heap] There he is.

- I get-um quick.

- Not so fast. I'll handle this.

- Me want-um Daddy.

- We going to get-um Daddy.

Now, shut-um up-um.

- Dolores, come here.

- What?

Get yourself into the Marshal's office.

Keep him occupied a half-hour.

- How?

- What do you want, diagrams?

Well, haif an hour's a long time.

What are we gonna talk about?

- I should have known better.

- Ugh.

Remember the things your ma told you

not to do when you came out West?

- Yes.

- Do 'em.

- There, there, my poor boy.

- Leave him alone. He's mine.

- He's mine!

- He's mine!

No, please, ladies!

[Knock on door]

[Both] Rumpo!

Shh.

Why, hello there,

you old Marshal, honey.

What is this?

What do you want?

Now, that's not a nice way to talk

to a little old girl who's dropped by

just to keep y'all

from getting ionesome.

Oh, you needn't have bothered.

I've been anything but ionesome.

Oh, don't be like that,

Marshal, honey.

Why, since the first time I saw you,

I've been crazy about y'all.

You and me, we'll go together

like pancakes and syrup, I reckon.

All you peopie think about is food.

Doesn't anyone around here

go together like man and woman?

Now you're talking

my kind of ianguage.

Oh, no, no!

No, stay away!

[Screaming]

Land sakes,

what are they all doing here?

You get out of here,

you little tramp!

Don't you worry.

I don't aim on sharing him

with a couple of old hags like you.

I got my pride.

Why, you...

[Shrieks]

Oh, no, you don't!

[Shrieking]

I know it's the Wlld West,

but this is ridiculous.

Do you want to be a hero?

Stick that in the keyhole.

Keyhole?

Yeah, keyhole... Er keyholeum.

Ah, keyholieum. Why you no say?

White man speak with forked tongue.

Well, go on.

It's oniy a half-minute fuse.

Soon as it biows, we get Big Heap

and get out of town fast.

No can stick in keyholeum.

Key in keyholeum.

Well, take the key out.

Ah.

"Key in keyholeum."

Oh, no. Come back!

Here is key-um.

- Quiet. Quiet.

- Well, what is it?

I thought I heard something.

Little Heap?

Where the heck is he?

[Raucous laughter]

What a send-up.

Get Big Heap. Let's get out of here.

Big Heap.

Would you believe it?

Big Heap.

Come on, wake up.

You girls stay in here.

Understand?

All right, carry him out.

Oh, no, you don't.

Stick 'em up. Get back in.

Go on, get back.

Back. Now. Reach.

So that's your little game, eh?

Trying to help a prisoner escape.

Just one more charge

against you, Rumpo.

What do you mean, Marshal?

We just dropped in

for a friendiy visit, that's all.

We ain't done nothin' wrong.

Nothing wrong? Holding up the stage,

catllerustling, shooting a Sheriff.

- You're crazy.

- Don't you belleve it.

I've all the evidence in there,

and witnesses.

Don't you try it, Rumpo.

Just you try it.

I'm not a fool, you know.

I know what I'm doing. I'm holding you all.

Right. In there, all of you.

Go on. And take him with you.

Go on, inside.

You mean, in there?

Yes. Now, get a move on,

before I lose my temper.

Well, come on, boys,

you heard the Marshal. Get in there.

Everbody inside.

Come on, move.

That's the idea.

You picked the wrong man

to tangle with this time, Rumpo.

- Now, where's the key?

- Right here.

- What? Oh.

- And I'll take that, too, I think.

You know, Marshal, you were right.

You're too smart for the likes of us.

I'm just gonna get out of Stodge City.

But wait a minute. Come back.

No, piease. Somebody, help!

[Laughs goofily]

We've got him for you, Rumpo.

Bring him in.

- Big Heap.

- [Grumbles]

[Moans]

Confidentially,

Big Heap have heap big hang-um-over.

Get out of here. Go on home.

Oh! Do you mean

I'm not a prisoner any more?

Nope. You can't tell the Marshal

any more than he knows already.

Get in there.

Oh! How absoluteiy loveiy.

Do you mind?

You see, I've always wanted a scalp

with a bobble on.

Get out of here. Go home.

Uncivilised lot.

What is the meaning of this outrage?

Why have I been brought here?

Shut up. Sit down.

What are you getting so excited about?

What am I getting excited about?

Taken from my bed at gunpoint.

Not even allowed

to put my slippers on.

Have you ever tried

riding a horse barefoot? it hurts.

it could have been worse.

You might have been in the bath.

Gagged and blindfolded,

with a revoitingiy filthy handkerchief.

I hate to think where that had been.

I couldn't have you knowing

where my hideout was, could I?

I don't know what you've got

to hide out from, I'm sure.

Don't you know

what happened in town last night?

Somebody ratted on me

and now the Marshal has got more

than enough on me to string me up.

Oh, really?

Well, I had to go out of town iast night.

We found him

at the widow Rawlins' place.

You dirty old man. You're supposed

to be dead against that sort of thing.

I happen to be her lawyer.

Ever since her husband died,

I've been handllng everything.

I bet you have.

This is insufferable.

Why have you brought me here, I say?

Well, Judge, I'll tell you.

We're gonna make a deai.

You get rid of that Marshal...

and I wllI give you a rakeoff.

- A what-off?

- A rakeoff.

A percentage of everything I get

from running Stodge.

Are you attempting

to bribe me, a judge,

a dedicated defender of law and order

a sworn enemy of crime and corruption?

- Yep.

- How much?

- A quarter.

- I'll take it.

Provided you get rid of the Marshal.

- He ain't really a Marshal at all.

- What?

No. it was all a mistake.

He's really a sanitar engineer. Ha ha!

Are you tring to tell me,

Johnny Finger, the Rumpo Kid,

that I have been run out of town by a...

...plumber?

Yeah!

You can see the funny side of it.

Shut up!

The deai's off.

I'll take care of him myself.

I'll flll him so full of holes

they'll use him for straining cabbage.

[Laughs]

How nice.

Well, if you'll excuse me...

Not so fast.

I ain't finished with you yet.

[Crowd] We want Knutt!

Patience, folks! Patience! Patience!

He'll be out any minute now.

Any minute? You've been saying that

since one o'ciock this morning.

We're doing

the best we can, Marshal.

Why are those peopie out there,

anyway?

Don't you know? You're a hero.

Rumpo and his boys have moved out.

Some hero.

Locked in one of his own cells.

Teach you to come in here

and ask me for a quick one.

Hey, Marsh,

the Rumpo Kid's got Judge Burke.

- What are they gonna do to him?

- I don't know, but I don't like it.

You have to get out of Stodge.

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