Carry On Emmannuelle

# There's a woman in my life

# Who doesn't care for a thing

# She don't wanna go out dancing

# She just loves to stay in

# She just cares about good loving

#Never leaves me alone

# If I'm not prepared for action

# She goes out on her own

# The woman is love crazy

# She's loving all night

# The woman is love crazy

# Won't stop for a bite

# The woman is love crazy

# She's out on her own

# Sometimes I work so hard

# I wish she'd leave me alone

# The woman is love crazy

# She's loving all night

# The woman is love crazy

# Won't stop for a bite

# The woman is love crazy

# She's out on her own

# Sometimes it gets so hard

# I just don't wanna go home

# If the feeling ever takes her

# She don't care where we are

# It's good loving in the disco

# It's good loving in the car

Madam... champagne?

Or is there anything madam would?

(Sighs)

Steward?

Steward?

Are you coming?

Oh, dear!

Oh, dear!

# I wish the woman liked dancing

# I wish she played the guitar

# I'd like to teach her a new game

# I feel a bit under par

# I wish she played the piano

# Before my knees hit the floor

# I've got to get her to slow down

# I think I've had it for sure

# The woman is love crazy

# She's loving all night

# The woman is love crazy

# Won't stop for a bite

# The woman is love crazy

# She's out on her own

# Sometimes I work so hard

# I wish she'd leave it all alone

# The woman is love crazy

# She's loving all night

# The woman is love crazy

# Won't stop for a bite

# The woman is love crazy

# She's out on her own

# Sometimes it gets so hard

# I just don't wanna go home

# The woman is love crazy

# She's loving all night

# The woman is love crazy

# Won't stop for a bite

# The woman is love crazy

# She's out on her own

# Sometimes I work so hard

# I wish she'd leave me alone

Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry.

I thought it was vacant.

Oh, my God!

I think I'd better go.

Um, how do you do? How do you do?

Yes. My name's er...

Theodore Valentine.

You know, when the flight's over,

you must come and have tea with me.

You'd love Mother.

She'd... she'd love you.

She... she's very...

(Tuts)

Mother makes me wear them. The weather...

Ooh!

My glasses! Where...

Oh, crikey!

(Unzipping)

Mummy! Ooh!

What is the purpose

of your visit to the United Kingdom?

(French accent) I beg your pardon?

I'm still deaf from the flying.

We are having to be very careful

who we are letting into this country, you know.

How did you get in?

- Oh, blimey! I'm totally British.

- May I have the question again, please?

What is the purpose

of your visit to the United Kingdom?

To make ze friends, with ze British.

Is the purpose of your visit

business or pleasure?

Pleasure, definitely.

Ah, then you are here as a tourist?

I'm being reunited with my husband

after a long separation.

(Clears throat) Where is your husband now?

He's probably in the bath.

No, no. I mean,

is he already in the United Kingdom?

Oh, yes. For a long time.

- And how long do you intend to stay?

- With my husband?

No, in our United Kingdom?

Does it matter? I am an EEC citizen.

What are you going to be doing here?

A little bit of this,

and a little bit of that.

Oh, please. You must not be doing that.

You are giving me naughty thoughts.

Good.

Er, will you be seeking employment?

- I hope not.

- What is your husband's occupation?

I am.

Oh, dearie me! How does he earn his living?

Ah, oui! In the service of his country.

Could you be more explicit, please?

Oh, oui, monsieur.

I can be very explicit.

About your husband.

He is a very...

How you say?

...high-up man.

Is he important?

Not impotent.

He has... other interests.

What is his position?

It varies.

What is his profession or calling, please?

He is ambassador.

(French accent)

Oh, yes. I am definitely developing.

My ribs are rippling.

My pectorals are positively pumping.

And my thorax is throbbing.

(Twang)

I must get some stronger elastic.

- Can I help you?

- I am your mistress.

Oh, my God!

I knew she'd catch up with me one day.

It's my own fault.

Wait a minute. What am I talking about?

I haven't got a mistress.

I don't have a mistress.

- You have now.

- I repeat, how can I help you?

Well, to begin with,

you can tell the ambassador that his wife is here.

Where?

Here. I am here.

Are you sure?

I'm positive I'm sure.

I didn't know the ambassador had a wife.

Now you know.

Madam.

Emmannuelle! Oh, what a wonderful surprise!

I was not expecting you today.

Otherwise I would have been at the airport

to meet you.

You must forgive my masculine odour.

I have been pumping iron.

What is that?

Er, weightlifting.

Still the same... athletic Emile.

A flabby ambassador with a derriere in pleats

is no advertisement for his country. But you...

You, you haven't changed.

I flew Concorde to surprise you.

Ah, la belle Concorde!

How I love that long nose.

So phallic. So Francophallic.

Ah, that reminds me.

You have not met my wonderful

English butler - Loins.

Loins, this is my wife Emmannuelle.

She has been travelling all around the world

and other places.

Cherie, Loins.

His Excellency meant Lyons, madam.

My name is Lyons.

I prefer Loins.

Likewise, madam.

May I take your coat?

Come. Now I'm going to show you

all over the houses.

Emmannuelle, you're naked!

Sacre bleu! I forgot I wasn't wearing a dress.

- You're a naughty butler, Loins.

- (High-pitched) Yeah... hm-hm.

Yes, madam.

Yes, I think that is more appropriate

for the wife of an ambassador.

Phwoar!

- Who was that, Lyons?

- That, Mrs Dangle, is the new mistress.

Oh, fancy!

Things might start looking up.

I shouldn't be at all surprised.

Hey, who was that?

Richmond, that was the new mistress.

Fancy that! Things ought to start looking up.

I have missed you, Emile.

And I you, my love.

But don't forget our little arrangement still

stands. As long as you don't object

to my body building, I don't object

to you finding your pleasures elsewhere.

And... what if I should seek

my pleasures with you?

Oh, no. I can't spare a drop of adrenaline.

You must think of me as a last resort.

- Don't you want me just a little bit?

- Yes, just a little bit.

Show me how good you are at weightlifting.

Lift me over your shoulders

and carry me over to the bed.

Are you mad?

I've not yet learnt

how to do a snatch and press.

Besides, I have a meeting

with the Foreign Minister shortly.

And I have a meeting with the ambassador now.

I have an appointment.

We haven't made love since Paris,

before you were posted here.

- Oh, surely it's not that long.

- It's long enough.

Ooh!

Come, bury your head in my bosom.

No, no. I should have to keep coming up for air.

I am in the mood for playing games.

- Try badminton, hockey, bowls.

- Bowls?

Yes, bowls. The English are mad about bowls.

Tennis bowl, volley-bowl.

Foot-bowl. All kinds of b...

Excuse me, sir. I hope I'm not intruding.

- No, no, no. We were just discussing bowls.

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