Carry on Nurse Page #5

- Oh!

- Ah, good morning.

- Good morning.

- Got any fruit bars?

- No. I've got a sliced nut.

Come to the right place to have it mended!

(Laughs)

Oh, dear.

- Sit down, Mr York.

- Ah, hello.

I wanted to a...

- How am I doing?

- Both up slightly.

Any idea why?

- You know, nursing training is right out of date.

- What do you mean?

Well, they should have taught you that there isn't

always a medical reason for a fast pulse.

- Hello, chaps!

- Mr Bell?

Ding-dong, you're not wrong.

This way, please.

Hello. Hello.

Get into bed, Mr Bell.

I say, nurse. I'm going to be in and out of here

inside a few days.

- Surely I don't have to go to bye-byes.

- In!

Oh, what a bore.

Oh, well, you're the governor.

BELL:
What's the matter with him?

NURSE:
Mrs Dale's Diary.

(Impatient buzzing)

- Tails.

You lose.

Every five minutes. He's becoming impossible!

Well?

There's a big, annoying lump in my bed.

There is. I mean, there is?

- Where's that fellow Mick?

- He's not allowed in here, and you know it.

If Sister catches him putting on bets for you,

we'll all be sacked.

Get a telephone installed in here

and I can do it myself.

What do you think this is, an hotel?

- Hey um...Oliver?

- Mm?

I've been meaning to ask you.

Was it the anaesthetic, or did I really see

a real nice girl come to visit you the other night?

- Hm?

- A girl.

- Did I see a girl come to see you?

- Yes.

Very nice too, eh?

(Chuckles) You're a lucky fella.

- What?

- I said you're a lucky bloke.

What on earth are you talking about?

(Laughs) Oh, never mind.

Urgh!

It's very kind of you to show me the way,

Mr Stephens.

Oh, I like to make newcomers feel

thoroughly at home.

Thank you again.

We must have a drink together tonight.

To celebrate your first case.

- Must we?

- But of course.

We've a lot to talk about.

- Such as?

- Why, surgery, of course.

You're too kind. And optimistic.

- I might botch the case.

- Oh, you won't.

Good luck.

- (Wolf-whistles)

- Good afternoon, Dr Winn.

Good afternoon, Staff Nurse.

Mr Bell's arrived, I believe?

This way, Doctor.

- Good afternoon, Mr Bell.

- Good afternoon.

- Hallux valgus. Straight out of the book, nurse.

- Yes, Doctor.

I'll operate tomorrow morning.

- Nothing to eat for you today, Mr Bell.

- Of course not, darling. Er...doctor.

Thank you, nurse.

- Wow!

- Ravishing.

She can take out my drain any time.

Phwoar! She's all the compensation I'd want.

(Chuckles)

Cor! How about a couple of rounds with her, eh?

Winner take all.

The sex-mad fools!

Anyone for water?

Hey, Mick!

Where have you been hiding Dr Winn?

Yeah, why wasn't we done by her, then?

Oh, she's new and junior.

Only handling simple cases for a while.

What have you got, Mr Bell?

- A hallux valgus.

- Oh, a bunion.

Cor blimey!

Do you mean he gets her for a bunion?

(Knocks) Yes, Colonel?

Sorry to be a nuisance, my dear,

but my bandage has slipped.

That's all right.

Well, I ought to know.

It's flapping about like a flag at half-mast.

- Any idea what won the 2:30?

- None at all.

What? I thought you were interested in racing.

All I'm interested in is getting you settled

so I can get on with something more important.

- Oh, dear. Aren't I important?

- As a patient, yes.

As a congenital gambler, no.

My dear girl, your values are all wrong.

It ought to be the other way round.

- What, the bandage?

- No, no. You know what I mean.

- Where's Mick?

- He's busy.

- He won't be too busy to come and see me.

- If he's any sense, he will.

- There. Is that better?

- Yes. Thank you very much indeed.

Oh, nurse, don't forget about Mick, will you?

(Chuckles) I love 'em.

There you are, poppet.

To celebrate tomorrow, when it's all over.

Oh, Megsy, you're a darling.

- Anything else I can bring you?

- Only yourself, sweetie.

Every single day.

- How's my car?

- Oh, not to worry, darling.

I took it in for servicing and it'll be all ready

in time for our little trip.

I booked secluded little hotels

all along our route.

- Separate rooms, of course.

- Oh, just think of it.

A whole week together in er...separate rooms.

Oh, wacko.

Starting one week from now.

You're sure your silly old bunion

will be settled by then?

Megsy, darling,

everything will be settled by then.

Oh, Jack.

- Hey, Janey, I wonder if he'll forget me.

- Of course not.

Oh, I don't know. Kids do, you know.

- I heard of a case once.

- Not in these few days, silly.

- Is there anything you want?

- Yeah. Pickled red cabbage.

- I don't know if you'd be allowed.

- Of course I would.

My hand's got nothing to do with my belly,

has it?

- Well, I'll ask the sister anyway.

- Oh, don't go now.

I have to, darling.

I've left the baby with Mrs Williams.

Oh, yeah. Oh, well.

Give him a kiss from me, will you?

See you tomorrow.

- Bye-bye.

- Bye.

- Expecting her, Oliver?

- Of course not.

I've got far more important things to worry about

than entanglements.

It's so sensible having afternoon visiting

on half-day closing.

Mind you,

I expect I could get away from work anyway.

Rhoda, my dear, keep your voice down, dear.

No need to let everyone know you go to work.

Oh, really, Henry. If I didn't know you better,

sometimes I'd think you were a snob!

I really would! (Chuckles)

You're sure you asked for something

to make you sleep?

Yes, love. Gonna have it tonight.

- Senacol, or Sinacol, or something.

- Oh, that's a relief.

I'd rather have a pint of old and mild.

I told 'em too, but they don't know anything.

- Oh, Bert.

- Well, they don't!

Miss Thompson. I was just thinking about you.

- Oh, were you?

- I've been thinking about you constantly.

- Miss Thom... Jill, tell me something.

- I've been thinking of you too.

Ever since you came to our house.

But Harry said you'd no time for girls.

Your brother will be a marvellous doctor

someday,

but he knows very little about the human heart.

- Oh, Oliver!

- Jill!

- I brought you some nougat.

- Nougat?

- Don't you like it?

- I love it.

Oh, isn't that wonderful?

We like the same things.

(Bell rings)

Oh, I hate to go. There's so much I want to say.

- Visit me again, every day. Promise?

- Promise.

- Jill.

- Oliver.

I told ya! She's stuck on ya!

(Knock)

- Come in!

Nurse Nightingale reporting, Staff.

- I've been sent here by Night Sister.

- Oh, yes.

We have to special a patient. Mr Mayhew.

- Have you worked on a surgical ward before?

- No, Staff.

I'm on first-year nights.

I've only been on Women's Medical so far.

Come with me.

Now, listen. This is a gastrectomy patient.

He's lost a lot of blood

and he's having a blood transfusion.

While he's unconscious, all you have to do

is see that the needle doesn't come out.

- Yes, Staff.

- And don't leave him.

If there's anything you want to know,

if you're in any sort of doubt,

just press that button

and Nurse James or I will be along.

I understand. Leave it to me, Staff.

I thought you'd like some tea.

This is a very boring job.

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